Falling In Love With Captain Short Stack.

20

“Levi…” I slowly started to wake up, I opened my eyes and squinted at the bright light. Then I heard voices.

“You didn’t have to knock her out!” Was that Hanji?

“What else was I supposed to do! She wouldn’t calm down and we had to get out of there!” Erwin yelled back, I lifted my head and saw I was back at HQ, in the infirmary. I slowly sat up and noticed my shoulder looked normal again, and it was wrapped up securely. My entire body was stiff and sore and covered in bruises.

“Can you even comprehend what she has lost?” I heard Hanji whisper, her voice breaking. I heard Erwin sigh and it went silent. What I lost?

“We lost a great man. Go, you need to watch over her.”

“Yes Sir.” I heard Erwin walk away, then Hanji walked in.

“(F/N)… you’re awake.” She walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“How are you feeling?” She asked, I just looked around confused.

“Where’s Levi?” I asked. My heart rate picked up as I started to remember what happened. Hanji’s face fell and she looked at me with tears in her eyes.

“Hanji, tell me where he is.” My voice wavered at the end.

“(F/N) I am so sorry.” She held her head down, not looking me in the eye.

“He’s gone.” I barely heard her and her tears started spilling over. No… he can’t be gone. He’s going to walk in any minute and tell Hanji to fuck off like he always does.

I felt nothing, absolutely nothing. All of a sudden nothing mattered, I didn’t care if I lived or died. In fact I actually wished I was dead. I felt tears spilling down my face, and yet I made no sound, I didn’t move. I didn’t do anything accept sit there with tears spilling down my face.

“(F/N) please say something.” Hanji took my hand, but I didn’t respond, my hand remained limp and I didn’t even acknowledge her. She pulled me into a hug and I still did nothing.

Why… why Levi. He was the last thing I had in this fucked up world.

I pulled away from Hanji, I looked at her for a moment, before looking away. I pulled the covers off of me and got out of bed. I didn’t even bother with my boots and just walked out of the infirmary. I heard Hanji call out to me but ignored her.

I headed for the only place I wanted to be. I quietly walked into Levi’s room, the smell of Lavender hitting me forcefully. The room seemed cold, and lifeless.

“Levi?” I called out, hoping to get a response. A grunt, a tongue click of annoyance, anything to signify that he was here. But instead, I was met with the same eerie silence. I slowly walked over to his bed. I saw his cape gently folded on the edge, and I felt more silent tears slip down my face. I tenderly picked it up, I rubbed the material through my fingers, it was soft and somehow still clean. I smirked and slightly shook my head, even after you’re fucking dead, you still somehow manage to keep your cape clean.

And suddenly it all came crashing down on me. The pain crashed onto me and it felt like I was suffocating, like I was being buried alive. It felt like my heart had been completely removed from my chest, and now I had this gaping hole, that was slowly engulfing me.

Levi was gone. I would never see him again, I would never touch him, or kiss him ever again. I clutched his cape closely to me and broke down. I fell to my knees and held onto the cape for dear life. The whole time I just wanted Levi to come in and hold me, and tell me it would be okay, but he would never come.

“No…” I sobbed into the cape, and I screamed loudly, I didn’t care who heard me. I rocked my self back and forth screaming and crying.

“Levi please, you promised me you wouldn’t leave, LEVI YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE YOU PROMISED!” I punched the floor in anger until my knuckles started to bleed. My hand shook violently, I continued to sob loudly. I looked around the room, searching for him, hoping this was all some cruel joke and he would come in and call me an idiot.

I couldn’t stay in here, it was too painful. I kept his cape and walked out of his room and made my way to my own.

I walked into my room and collapsed onto my bed, clutching Levi’s cape closely to me. It still smelled like him, like Lavender and tea. His words kept repeating in my head over and over again

I love you too. Then why did you leave me?

I don’t know how long I cried for, it didn’t matter anyways. I screamed loudly and buried my head into his cape. Levi, my Levi.

The physical pain I was in, didn’t even come close to the pain of losing Levi.

“I love you…” I whispered to the cape.

I heard a small knock on the door but didn’t answer.

“(F/N)? It’s time for dinner, can you please come out?” Hanji’s gentle voice broke through the door. I still didn’t answer, I couldn’t have found my voice even if I’d wanted to. I heard her sigh and her boots clicking, indicating that she left. I wasn’t even hungry anyways. I continued to cry, until I cried myself to sleep, still holding onto Levi’s cape.

The next morning I woke up, and I felt hollow. I was still clutching Levi’s cape to my chest, I looked out the window and noticed it was already mid afternoon. I dreamt about him. I dreamt about our time at the lake, when he found my sketch book, when he tried to make me bread, when I used my shampoo on him, and when I discovered he spoke french. I felt a small smile break on my lips, but just as suddenly as it was there it fell.

I’m never going to be able to make new memories with you… I sat up and leaned against the wall, I stared at Levi’s cape in my hands. I continued to rub my fingers through the material. Every once in awhile bringing it up to smell it, to smell him. It was already losing his scent. For hours I stared at the wall, just thinking about him.

Why did you have to leave me?

“(F/N)? Please open the door, we’re all worried about you.” Reese called through the door. I didn’t answer, instead I took another whiff from Levi’s cape.

“(F/N)? Please?” She called again.

“Come on Reese, we just need to let her grieve.” Hanji’s voice spoke up. Reese sighed and I heard them both walk away.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered out to them, letting the tears spill down my face.

I could still feel his kisses, I could feel his arms around me. Why did that have to be taken away from me? Why?

The sun started setting on yet another day without him. I can’t do it, I can’t go through the rest of my life without him. I let out a scream of rage, I balled my fists into his cape and tried to keep them from shaking.

“(F/N)! Please open the door! You haven’t eaten in two days! (F/N)!” Reese continued to bang on the door as I kept screaming. My screams finally ran out when my throat couldn’t take it anymore.

“Levi, please I need you, you can’t leave me alone.” I sobbed out through hiccups.

“(F/N) please, you need to eat.” Reese said calmly through the door. I just shook my head and slowly lay back down.

“I’m not hungry.” I said simply. Reese started banging on the door again, calling out to me, I ignored her and I slipped into another night of uneasy sleep.

"I love you too."