31 Days to Die

10 - Depression

Depression, in psychology, a mood or emotional state that is marked by feelings of low self-worth or guilt and a reduced ability to enjoy life.

NP: Kung Wala Ka by Hale

Kanina ko pa pinapanood si Abbie. Kanina pa rin siya hindi makatingin sa'kin. She's busy staring and forking on her food. I think she's just pretending.

"So, have you figured it out?" I ask.

Saglit siyang napatingin sa'kin. "Ang ano?"

"If those three girls are your friends."

She answers with a shrug.

"How about Grey?" I carefully watch her reaction.

Finally, tiningnan niya rin ako. She bites her lip, looking uncertain, almost scared. "S-si Grey? Bakit mo naman naitanong?"

"Uh..." Napaisip ako sandali. "No specific reason. Nabanggit kasi no'ng Lizbeth kanina that he'd get angry if he knew you're with me, 'di ba? So..." I lower my head so I can catch her gaze. "May magagalit ba?"

Medyo namula ang pisngi niya. One of the very few things I like about girls from the highlands: mahipan lang ng hangin, nagba-blush na. It's... cute.

"W-wala..." sagot niyang natitigilan. "Yata?"

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Ba't parang 'di ka sure?"

"Dapat wala eh..."

I sigh. "Lemme guess... It's complicated."

Tumango lang siya, mukhang sinusukat din ang reaksyon ko.

Hindi ko napigilang mapailing. Sinisikmura na naman ako. Nag-concentrate na lang ako sa pagkain ng pasta na in-order ko lang dahil sa weird na pangalan. For some reason, we ended up having a late lunch in a vegetarian artist café. And I'm loving it. Note the sarcasm.

Hindi ko lang masabi kay Abbie na may all-out war kami ng mga gulay. Carnivorous na kung carnivorous. Marami kasi akong bad experience with vegetables. I remember a lot of times no'ng bata pa'ko at ayaw ko'ng kumain ng gulay, hindi ako pinaaalis ni Mama sa harap ng dining table hangga't hindi ko nauubos. Dahil matigas ang ulo ko, inaabot ako hanggang hapunan do'n. Vegetables equal punishment.

Weird 'yong menu. Where else would you see a dish called Anak ng Putanesca? Or Cesar Asar?

Not only that. The place also looks strange. It looks like something pulled out of The Hobbit, but with more twisted wooden furniture and ornaments. It's more of a gallery of artworks than a restaurant, really. It's a paradise for the selfie-obssessed.

May mga halaman, wooden bridges, bungalow facades, Koi pond etc., kaya malapit nang mag-overload ang utak ko. And Abbie made me climb five floors for it.

Consolation ko na lang na maganda yo'ng view from our corner spot. Mas maganda pa siguro 'pag gabi.

To my surprise, the food isn't half-bad. Pero yo'ng squash blossom tempura na in-order ni Abbie, I can't be sure.

"Marunong ka palang mag-Chinese?" sabi ko no'ng mapansin ko'ng nagiging awkward na ang katahimikan namin.

Tumango siya. "Chinese kasi si Auntie eh. 'Yung nagpalaki sa'kin? Pinsan ni Papa. Hindi kasi nagkaanak kaya siya na lang ang kumuha sa'kin."

"Ahh..."

"Ano'ng ahh?"

"You don't exactly strike me as... Chinese."

For the first time since we arrived here, she smiles. "Si Papa kasi half-Chinese lang. T'saka mas nagmana siguro ako kay Mama. Mas nananaig ang dugong Ibaloy. Na may konting British."