Somebody To Call Mine (Completed)

KABANATA LXVI

Kabanata LXVI: Migrating

2 years.

We've lived two fucking years of lies, pretensions and more lies.

I thought those two years are the happiest, but it happened to be the most hateful event of my life. I've sheltered myself around him. I've built my dreams in life with him around. I even thought of growing old with our kids and their own family while we share a cup of tea under the shade, talking about senseless shits.

I hastily wipe my tears. Mahirap palang paikutin ang buong mundo mo sa iisang tao. Dahil sa oras na lumakad siya palayo sayo ay para kang tinakasan ng lahat ng katinuan sa mundo. Ang masakit lang sa sitwasyon ko, hindi naman siya ang lumayo sa buhay ko, kundi ako mismo. I chose to leave him before I self-destruct. I'm barely holding on but that night all my hopes went down the drain. I lost my will to fight, to stay by his side, 'coz I know doing so won't do any good for me and my kids.

Hindi ko naman hinihiling ang isang perpektong buhay. Pero hindi ko inaakalang ang isang simpleng buhay na gusto ko ay ipagkakait pa sa akin. I've experienced the worst and it's too much for me to bear. Hindi ko na kayang isipin na kung sakali man na may dumating pang pagsubok sakin. Paniguradong ikababaliw ko na.

Ken gave me the indescribable feeling of being in love but he also made feel how it is to feel like a trash. He made me feel so love but his extreme love shattered my faith in men. I don't know if I'll be able to trust his kin but one thing is for sure, after everything that we;'ve been through, I still love him. I still do—that's why it hurts so much.

I'd rather die and leave him— if not only for my sons. Calen and Caleb. They are my life and I thank God that despite of every suffering their father has given me at the end of the day I still have them. I have my sons who kept me company through hell or high.

"Mommy." I was taken out of my reverie when a small hand tugs the hem of my shirt. I looked down and saw a pair of gray eyes looking up at me. It was Calen. Kinukusot pa niya ang mga matang kamumulat lang sa pagkakatulog. Sinubukan kong bigyan ng masiglang ngiti ang anak ko. He must've had a bad dream—again.

"Bad dream again, baby?" I asked as I caressed his back. He nodded.

"Tell Mommy about it." Sabi ko pa habang naglalakad papasok muli sa kwarto namin. I stayed in my condo's veranda upon tucking them to bed and perhaps he woke up without me and got scared again. Magkakatabi kaming tatlo sa higaan dahil hindi nakaayos ang kwartong binakante ni Matteo. Nasa Amerika na siya at dun sila tumira ng kaniyang nobyo.

We sat down on the edge of the bed. Maingat ang naging kilos ko dahil natutulog din si Caleb sa kabilang side ng kama. Iniharap ko siya at nadurog ang puso ko sa nakita ko. Hilam na hilam ang kaniyang mukha sa sarili niyang luha.

Agad akong dumalo sa kanya. "Why are you crying, baby? Is something wrong? May masakti ba sayo? Tell me, sweety." Mabilis siyang umiling na lalong pinagtaka ko.  

Tahimik siyang humihikbi at yun ang nagpapasikip sa dibdib ko. Nagpabalik-balik sa pisngi niya ang hinlalaki ko pero ayaw maampat ng luhan bumubukal sa kaniyang mga mata.

"Daddy. Where is Daddy?" Basag na wika niya. Tinuro pa niya ang maliit na picture frame sa bed side table. It's our family picture at nagulat akong si Calen mismo ang may dala nun nang umalis kami sa condo ni Ken. He specifically placed that picture beside our bed.

Pinigil ko ang aking sarili sa pagsabay sa iyak niya. Matatag akong babae, pero pag ang anak ko na ang umiiyak at nasasaktan para kong nahahapo sa sobrang sakit. Mag-iisang linggo palang simula nung umalis kami sa puder ni Ken pero hindi natatapos ang araw na hindi babanggitin ng kambal kung gaano nila namimiss ang Daddy nila.