Behind The Mask

Chapter 16

I check my phone again, looking at the minutes going by, the night passing me by, but sleep not wanting to come.

It's been a while since I haven't been able to sleep. Mostly I at least manage to fall into an uneasy sleep, or wake up many times in one night, and you'd think that with the cold I would be fast asleep, but E.J's breathing is keeping me awake.

I get up from the bed, slowly as not to wake E.J. and draw the curtains just a little bit so that the moonlight shines in, making E.J. stir a bit and pull the covers over his head.

I put my shoes on and throw another hoodie over my head as I tiptoe out of the room, desperate for some fresh, cold air, and with hope that I will be able to make sense of what happened earlier between E.J. and me. It was the strangest experience. E.J. makes it so clear that there will never be anything between us. That I am straight and that he isn't interested in a relationship, but then he gets angry when another guy just tries to flirt or be overly friendly with me. That's not the E.J. that I know at all. That's not who he is.

Tiptoeing down the stairs, I try my utmost best not to make a sound even when the stairs creak underneath my feet, not wanting to wake anyone.

I walk through the dark and deserted living room and find myself standing in front of a glass door that leads to the outside. I try my best to open the door without a sound and then step out into the cold. I immediately regret not putting shoes on. The socks I am wearing is nowhere near enough without the heating on the inside of the house, but there is no way I will go back for shoes. I don't want to wake E.J. in any case. It's better for me to just get my fresh air as quickly as I can and then go back to sleep. Or at least, try to go back to sleep.

The forest behind the house looks eerie in the moonlight, and I am glad it has stopped snowing, the air opening up to let the light through. We might even have some sunlight on Christmas day which would be really great.

"Hey handsome. You're up late," a voice says from behind me.

In a kimono that I have no idea how it is keeping him warm, Cameron stands, and once again I can't help but notice how pretty he is. I only now notice that he must have had makeup on earlier, because his lips aren't shiny anymore, and his eyes isn't quite popping, but he still looks beautiful. Almost like a porcelain doll.

"Aren't you cold?" I ask as I look him up and down.

"Honey, this ain't cold yet. You should feel the winds of Alaska in the winter time. This is nothing," he says with a smile on his face, taking a seat on one of the chairs standing on the veranda, motioning for me to take one as well. "So what's been keeping you awake?"

I take a seat, but I don't answer. I actually stare at him for a few moments, not sure if I should even speak to him at all after E.J.'s reaction.

"Come on... I might be a big ol' queen, but I won't bite. I promise. Tell me what's going on. I promise you I understand almost anything," Cameron says, crossing his legs and leaning back into the chair almost like he is some talk show host.

I bring my hand to my face, wanting to push my hair out of the way only to notice I don't have my mask on.

"You didn't stare at my face," I say. "You didn't ask about it either."

"Not my place," Cameron answers. "You'll tell me if you want to, I'm sure. But honey, I don't judge. I never judge."

"You're nails look nice," I say when I look down at Cameron's hands I order to avoid his eyes. Every nail is manicured and painted in metallic blue that reflects the snow, making his hands look like that of an ice queen.