Behind The Mask

Chapter 37

The lights are all off when I walk into the apartment. Still mulling over what Llaluna had told me in my reading, I reach for the light without thinking and turn it on, not like in the past worrying that the light would bother Chris.

Albert gives a little whine toward the bright lights before I lead him to the kitchen where I take off his leash, and ruffle in the shopping bag I brought with me to give him something to eat. When he is finally slopping away at the food, I walk over to my couch and sit down, watching the city lights through the window, wondering how many people like me are out there, just looking out into the darkness and wondering where their lives might be heading. I can't help but wonder if there is any real purpose to life at this point. It seems almost futile to not hurt someone on your way, getting through the traffic and drama of the every day.

"Where have you been?" I hear Chris' voice. He sounds sleepy. "You didn't answer your phone."

"I needed to think about things," I answer. "And I hope you don't mind. You have another house guest."

I point over to Albert, happily lapping away at the last of his food. For a moment I expect Chris to tell me that Albert is not allowed in the apartment at all, but then he does something that catches me completely off guard.

I watch him as he sits down, his bare back turned towards me as he reaches his arms out to Albert who with a wag of the tail jumps into Chris' lap where he gets a good petting and a scratch behind the ear.

"There we go. That's a good boy," Chris whispers as he keeps on scratching Alberts ears, while the latter gives an approving sigh. "You look way too thin. We will need to fatten you up."

"I didn't know you liked dogs," I say, watching the two of them interact.

"I always wanted one, but yeah... Didn't have the ideal condition in the past to have one. And I'd rather not worry about being able to feed one at the moment. It wouldn't be fair," he answers as he kisses Albert on the top of his head. "What's his name?"

"Albert," I answer. "I found him behind some garbage bags in an alley. I couldn't leave him there. He needed me."

"I wouldn't have been able to leave him there either," Chris answer, getting up from the floor, Albert still in his arms.

He takes a few steps over to me, and then takes a seat right against me.

"We will need to get him a doggy bed. And lots of toys," Chris says as Albert climbs off his lap, making a space for himself to lay down between us. "And maybe we can get him one of those cute little hoodies that famous people get for their dogs."

I watch as Chris beams. He barely looks at me, but rather continues to pet Albert, bending down every few minutes to give him a kiss on the head. For the first time ever, there is something about Chris I actually like. Something I actually find attractive.

"I'm sorry about the other day," Chris says, still devoting all his attention to Albert. "I was feeling vulnerable. And then you were taking care of me, and nobody has ever really taken care of me. I mean... Even my mom. I had to be the one taking care of her, making sure she didn't choke in her own vomit. I remember once, I was probably about fourteen, and I came home, and there were like five or six people in the house. They were all passed out, drunk or high, all over the living room. But weirdly my mom wasn't there. So I decided to go to bed and just cry until I fall asleep. But when I got to my bed my mom was in it. There was vomit everywhere. Like in everywhere. I didn't know if I wanted to scream, or cry, or just storm out and go to E.J. But something told me to check on my mom. She was covered in yellow puke everywhere. It must have even come from her nose. I was so scared she was dead. But I also felt relief. I thought that if she was dead, maybe some other family could take me. A family that wouldn't get drunk and high, and who would actually give me a shot at life. And then she coughed and started vomiting a little bit again, just as I thought she was dead. So I lifted her up and took her to the bathroom. I cleaned her up, put her in some pajamas, and put her in bed. I made sure she was laying on her side so she wouldn't choke. I didn't sleep in my bed that night. I took all the dirty laundry and packed it in the bottom of the bath, and I slept in there. By the time I woke up to go to school, she and her friends were already drinking again, laughing about how drunk they got the previous night. So yeah... I'm sorry about the kiss. You were just kinda the hero that I always wished for, and then I fucked it up."