Behind The Mask

Chapter 29

The lights in the bookstore seems to be dimmed, almost as if it is already closed, but a line of people standing in front of the bookstore to get in seems to speak of something entirely different.

"I thought there would be more people," Cameron sighs. "Was there more people when you met him E.J.?"

"Not that much more. But that day he also did a tv interview or something. I think this tour might be a bit smaller. It's been a while since he has published anything new."

"Well darlings! I can't wait to get my hands on the new book! I have been waiting for this one for far too long," Cameron ssays with a smile. "I know what I'll be doing tonight."

"I guess I know what the three of you will be doing tonight," I say as I take E.J's hand, which feels like an ice block. "When we're done here I want nothing more than a hot shower, and then a warm bed. But seriously, why on earth would they have a book signing at night?"

"Look handsome. You are clearly not a bookie like the rest of us. Also, Elijah is like the original emo boy writer. And we emo's are nocturnal. Get it?" Cameron says jumping up and down.

For a moment I think about jumping up and down as well. Maybe his intent is not excitement, but rather the same as mine - to stay warm.

"You can't be emo. You are dressed from head to toe in pink," I say, looking Cameron up and down and feeling a squeeze on my hand coming from E.J., making me look at him. "What? I'm serious. Isn't black more of an emo thing?"

"Oh gawd handsome! Oh my word! I don't even... We emo boys are not all doom and gloom on the outside. What matters is what we are on the inside, and I for one am part of a dead marching band, on the way to hell, searching for the meaning of this everlasting miserable life with every step I take," Cameron flares into one of his acting gigs and then pretends to faint into Will's arms.

"Okay sweetheart, that's enough," Will says, the corners of his mouth pulling into a smile, as he helps Cameron back on his feet. "We don't need to overdo it just because Brody is a jock."

I look at them as Cameron puts his arms around Will's neck and kisses him deeply, wonder if I will ever be able to do that with E.J. I understand what he had said. I know where he is coming from. I will never be able to be the one that pulls him closer and kisses him, unless he does it first. Everything I do will have to be calculated to make sure that he always feels safe. That past memories do not come flooding back and hurt him more than what he had already been hurt. For a moment after our conversation at the restaurant I wanted to go back to the motel. Allow him to come here alone. This Elijah author feels like his world, feels like I am intruding upon it. I could feel he made this a part of his past, something he holds close. It was only until he took my hand and we walked down the street to the bookshop that I knew that he wanted me here right now. That maybe this was the simple ways he could show me intimacy. That maybe this is the only way he might ever let me truly close to him.

"They're opening the doors," E.J. says and for the first time tonight he breaks into a real smile. I have almost no idea about this author apart from the few things E.J. has said to me about him, but if he makes E.J. smile like this I would happily become this author's groupie, driving E.J. from town to town to hear the same book reading over and over if I have to.

With a quiet buzz of excitement we enter the bookshop to find that unlike usual bookstores where shelves lined the entire floorspace, most of them must have been removed to make room for lots of chairs, all lined to what seemed to be a small constructed stage next to a door with a STAFF ONLY sign on it.

"I need to be in front! I didn't wear all this pink to sit in the back and not be seen by him," Cameron whispers frantically, waving his arms to the very front row.