Behind The Mask

Chapter 26

A/N: It is finally here after yet another very long hiatus from me... And I am sorry. I have just been through a lot in the past few months and I did the hermit thing where I stayed away from social media, including Wattpad. I also didn't write for months now, so hopefully I am back to wrap up "Behind the Mask" since I am really excited to get to the ending. Once again, sorry for taking so long to update. A lot of my dreams for the future had been shattered and I had to come to terms about many things. One of them accepting that I will never get married and have the beautiful wedding I had always dreamt off. But then again, that's just the way the cookie crumbles, and I am trying to be thankful for the things I do have in my life, even if it doesn't include a lot of people anymore. Went on a proper detox and deleted a lot of people from my life, and I am very thankful that I have done that. So yeah... Here goes... A new chapter, and you will be happy to know that I am already more than halfway through Chapter 27 as well, so I should be able to post that soon. I really feel I need to bring Brody's story to a close as soon as possible, and now that I have a lot more free time, I am sure it will happen sooner than what I thought it would. 

I know the difference between right and wrong.

I know I do.

But why do I keep on making the wrong decisions over and over again. Why, when I know what is right, do I do the complete opposite, getting myself, and especially my heart in the biggest trouble ever.

I can't look away from E.J. He offered to get us some more sodas, and off course as luck would have it, he would fall into a huge conversation with Harry, the guy in the suit. The one that recoiled at my face. The one that in one moment made me feel like I could actually be the handsome guy I was back in the day, and the next second I was the gruesome monster, or the poor guy that needed pity. I didn't stay to find out which one of the two he would be going for, and I really don't care. But at this moment I struggle to listen to Cameron in his high heels and wig, making jokes from the stage. I don't care about Harry and what he thought of me. The girl with the veil who took pictures with me is long gone from my mind, and as E.J. seems to laugh at another of Harry's jokes, the only thing on earth that I want is to get the hell out of here.

I have always used music to drown out the lonely sound of silence around me, and yet, here I am, wanting nothing more to be somewhere quiet. Somewhere so thick with silence that I can touch it. I have had this feeling once before. Only once. It was the day my mom died. It felt like the music that I tried to cover my sobs with was suffocating me. Drowning me. Like I would never be able to break through the noise of others into a surface where I can breathe again.

"You okay?" the girl with the veil shouts as me, but instead of answering her, I just shake my head and start backing away slowly. I see her looking down, probably wondering if I want to puke and whether she should maybe stand back, but she seems to give a weak smile as I back up faster than what she can think to move away from me.

I look over to E.J. one last time as Harry puts his hand on E.J's shoulder, without E.J. pulling back, but rather leaning in, his ear close to Harry who says something and makes E.J. laugh once again.

I can't help but think of the list in my backpack, somewhere behind the club in a parking lot in Cameron's RV. I was crazy when I wrote it. Nobody ever completes a bucket list. That's something that only happens in movies with B rate actors and small budgets. Usually a movie with a little miracle in the end where everyone is fine and happy. Truth is, the real world doesn't quite work like that. The perfect guy doesn't always get the perfect girl. You don't always get the great job and the house with the white picket fence just because you studied your ass off in school. Dreams don't always come true, because we don't live in Elsa's perfect world of Disney where the entire world is frozen the moment things work out and we can just live happily ever after.