Shadows

Suicide or Escape?

I felt nothing as I walked nothing except for feeling hollow… a shell, consumed by the fact that my parents had just abandoned me, all because he thought he was doing the right thing, teaching me a lesson… no all it did was drive me into another state of bloody depression and prove that they really couldn’t give a shit about me. I actually thought that they had at least… some compassion towards me, but all they did was put me down and explain how I’m not like their bloody golden child…  that girl was turning into some kind of slut and my parents refused to even acknowledge that!

  As much as I tried to shake the thoughts of the ‘perfect’ trio back home, it consumed my mind… that mixed with the faces of those who abused me for so many years… I couldn’t go back there no matter how much I wanted too, not only would I receive a lecture but I’d get hurt again, but I had close to no money left… my debit card had minimal cash left on it.. That’s what I get for buying my little sister expensive shit when she never even bloody used any of it! I glanced around me… I was in some unfamiliar part of the city that I wasn’t really keeping track of, I must have wandered a lot more than I thought I did… I would of looked at the time if I hadn’t dropped it back there… that was clearly not a smart move to make.

  It was fast approaching darkness… how long had I been walking? How long had I been out here? My hands were feeling a little more than frozen so I clasped them together and began to breathe on them, it was a futile effort in terms of warming them up, but if it kept them from feeling numb and turning blue… then fine by me but why did I care? My life seemed more than meaningless at the moment, anything I said or did always ended badly… there was no point to it all… maybe… maybe it should end.. Maybe I should end the suffering for good. I looked towards me and saw one of the many multi-story car parks that were situated all over, taking in a short and sharp breath I began to walk my way towards it, not believing I was actually going to do this… but more shocked that I was.

  Avoiding the cars that swarmed the streets I ran, ran my way up the stairs to the very top before coming to a halt… I was there… on the top. My breath had accelerated, my heart beat racing as it knew what I was planning, and I don’t know why I should feel scared… I mean I had tried to do stuff like this all the time. One step after another I began to pace towards the edge, the wind was stronger up here so I was barely able to see past my flickering eyelids and strands of hair that flapped and tickled my face as it rode on the wind. I gulped down the nerves that threatened to change my mind as I stood on the edge, closing my eyes I attempted to collect my thoughts… bidding my farewells to all those I had known… saying my goodbyes to every aspect of a life that I hated… I felt tears sting my eyes as I thought of my mother, as hard as she on me sometimes I loved her, hell I loved all of them… even if they treated me like utter shit sometimes… the tears flowed one by one but I didn’t wipe them, instead I left them there… they’d be so much better off without someone like me. I opened my eyes to gaze at the city that held wonders as well as tragedy’s before taking that fateful step

“I love you mom” I whispered, feeling the cold air rush against my face, forcing my eyes closed… I waited for the pain of the pavement, but instead I felt pinching around my sides which I ignored before I felt my feet lightly land on the floor.

  Immediately I sprung my eyes open and looked at the floor… I was looking at the floor! Jumping back I gazed upwards… I had fallen over 50 feet! Surely I should be dead right now, wandering into the afterlife… or just plain dead! What the fuck just happened! I began to tap and grab my body to make sure that I was actually here, I even looked down at the floor for a sign that I was dead and a ghost or something… but there was nothing… it may sound silly to check if you’re a ghost but I even walked up to the nearest wall to see if I could walk through it… this wasn’t right! Finally composing my thoughts I tried to think rationally, someone must have been underneath, watched and then caught me… which must have meant I blacked out for a few seconds… I shook my head, one minuet ago I was plummeting to my death, the next… I was standing on my feet… odd.