Different (bxb)

21. Overthinking

It didn't take long for Nick to find a new place. He's staying over at a friend's, but all of his stuff is still here in my more than ever cramped up apartment. It's suffocating not having him around, yet I lived perfectly fine before he came. He seems so far away, like an echo of a memory, as if he left a few months ago. Only it was last week. He left a hole within these walls that I'm still trying to figure out how to fix.

Sometimes I feel like he's still here. I call his name in the dark only to be answered by his shadow.

With finals coming, I don't have time to think about it all. I stopped answering Max's texts, I try to block any negative thoughts. Instead, I dunk myself in my studies. I barely sleep because inactivity makes my brain overthink, and I study from morning until dawn. The only positive thing out of this is that I'll probably ace my finals.

I'm still studying when someone comes in. I've taken the bad habit of letting the door always unlocked when I'm in here. Nicholas would always forget his keys, and I was too lazy to rise and open the door for him. I turn around, expecting to find him, probably coming to get his things. Except it's not a tall redhead that comes through the door.

Max enters slowly, as if he felt he wasn't exactly welcomed here. And honestly, I'm not mad at him; it's not his fault if my heart's a mess. I look into his deep blue eyes, trying not to make him uncomfortable. I smile a bit before averting my eyes from his. Returning my smile, he asks what happened in here, eyeing my all over the place manuals and cue cards. It breaks the tension a little, only for it to come back as he asks why I didn't answer his texts.

I open my cell phone and see that he's written to me every day, mostly to tell me we needed to talk. I also find a few from Nicholas, but none of them matter anymore. In the end, I think I know where my feelings stand.

I can't avoid the real life version of Max, so I follow him down the stairs and all the way to a café down the road.

•••

To talk is harder than it seems. I can't pay attention to Max, my focus staying on the newly blossomed flowers on the other side of the window until, suddenly, something Max says snaps me out of my daydream. Something about dumping the guy he had a crush on for so long.

"Wait slow down", I almost scream.

I try to process what he has just said, but I can't seem to grasp it. I mean, everything he did in the last month has been about this guy, from getting drunk at that party to dumping me. He hesitantly takes my hand to bring me back to reality. Behind his glasses, his eyes anchor me back in the café.

He explains how he's been fantasizing over his crush for so long that he was disappointed each time he didn't act like he made him to be. Then that it slowly came to him that he was disappointed because he wanted this other guy to be like me. That he missed my slightly big hands. That he couldn't get over how sweet my eyes were. That my smile was so beautiful that he couldn't stop thinking about it. That he couldn't stop thinking about me. That instead of seeing another guy in me, he saw me in that other guy.

I rise in disbelief, pinching myself and expecting to wake-up. I can't say a word and I know how much my lack of response must hurt Max. I throw my now cold cup of half-finished coffee in the trash and I leave, Max trailing behind me.

___

What do you think of Ollie's reaction? Was it to be expected?