Different (bxb)

20. You Can't

"I thought you'd wait for me."

Nick's words take me by surprise. We're both lying down on our respective bed, his face only lit by a few city lights that found their way through my curtains. Slowly, I shift to a sitting position, not sure what to make of what I've just been told. He goes on: "I thought we shared something. That you'd wait for me to be ready or something."

He hides his face in the shadows, but I can still see him through my now closed eyelids. These green eyes that drive me mad, these freckles that I've thought adorable since the first time I've seen him. My voice comes in a tone I didn't know I possessed: "You're not even sure about who you are. What if I kissed you right now? Would you kiss me back or are you just being confused? How can you even expect me to wait for something you never told me there was? You can't tie me down for a feeling you can't even define!"

He seems at a loss of words. We just stay there in silence until it becomes unbearable. I quickly get up, feeling my watery eyes, before I go on: "You want me to wait but for what? You're just giving me hope before you throw it away. Am I some plush toy you can do whatever you please with? You told me you were straight a few weeks ago. Was it all a lie? It's now that I'm taken that you decide to mess with my heart?"

I don't even know why I'm being so angry. All of these last two months, waiting for a sign, to finally get one and be pissy about it? Heck, I know how hard it is to come to term with your sexuality. I rush to the bathroom, not willing to let Nick see my tears. I'm being ridiculous but I can't take my words back as I meant every single one of them. I crash on the cold floor, my back on the door.

Through the other side of the wooden door, I can almost feel Nick's warmth. I hear every single one of his breaths, of his whispered I'm sorry over and over again. He says how sorry he is and I can feel his tears down my own cheeks.

But I'm done with all that false hope. I know he'll only break my heart once again if I let him, and I don't know if my heart can take it anymore. Or maybe I'm just sabotaging this because I miss Max's always cold hand.

My cell phone buzzes on my lap, and a small smile form on my lips as I read my boyfriend's name.

[Max] (11:37 P.M.): Hey! Guess what happened!!! Turns out the guy I had something for likes me back after all... I'm sorry I can't be your pretend boyfriend anymore! :)

It all comes crashing down on me. I can't breathe, I can't seem to think through Nick's sorry words. Right now, now that Max isn't here anymore, I need my angel to save me more than I ever did.

___

This chapter just hurts so much! :'(