Different (bxb)

18. Guilt

Obviously, Nick's behavior returns to normal afterwards. He went back inside as I was left to hope alone on the rooftop for something that simply wasn't there. It's even harder to get over him when he acts like he just did. Like he likes me but won't admit it.

I should just forget all about him and to do so, while I do know how wrong it is, I grab my cell phone and text Max. We make plans to hang out outside of school tomorrow, and I'm happy to be able to see him even with that guilty feeling that I try to push in the back of my mind.

We meet at the bowling place near campus. When I get there, he's already standing by the door. His adorable curls are loose around his head, the sunlight making his blond hair look even holier than usual. I swear his whole being just seems so pure that it's hard to believe he paints such deep pieces.

It doesn't take long to figure out how much we both suck at bowling. We can't even hit a single skittle on any of our first try. However, the game's an easy topic, and it's not hard for the conversation to flow. I'm soon to remember the memory of Nick sitting next to me, Nick's hand on my shoulder. Yet, this time, I find myself sitting next to my angel-looking friend. It's Max hand that settles on my lap, it's Max's lips that brush mine. The game is forgotten and only his blue eyes subside.

I let my hand go through his light blond curls, prolonging the kiss as long as possible. Between two breaths, he whispers, almost hesitantly, how wrong it is. How we don't love each other. How we're both just trying to get over someone else. But it feels so good that none of us wants to stop. We ignore the pain and together we're somewhat stronger. We merge in an understanding that no words could explain to forget what our sadness tastes like. For the first time, for a split second, he doesn't seem like such an angel. I'm starting to think we're more alike than it seems.

And after all, is it really wrong if we're both needing the other? No one will get hurt out of this if we keep our feelings a secret from the rest of the world. No one will know that we're broken. No one will know that we're a couple even if what we have isn't love. No matter what we share, our relation will still remain precious. It may not exactly be right, but I don't see why it would be wrong either.

We don't even bother finishing the game. We're both smiling, giggling like a real new couple. We're holding hands, and simply this feels good. There's no guilt nor shame; I'm simply glad to be by someone's side. We leave and I walk him to his bus stop, and I then get back home with a smile plastered on my face. Luckily, Nick is too absorbed by his studies to notice my mood. I really am not ready to tell him about my relationship with Max, let alone anyone else. 

___

New ship? ♥♥♥