Jorge POV
-
As I made my way to my next class, the sensation in my hands from holding Benji's lingered. I wished I could have held it longer. As I entered the class everyone seemed to be staring at me. Weird. I put my head down and ignored their glares, sitting down at a desk with no people near it.
I got on my phones acting like I didn't notice the stares, but it was bothering me. I felt more paranoid than I usually was, but more confused. Why were they staring?
-
Two classes later it was lunch, and I could still feel eyes burning into my back. I sat down at our table and immediately put in earbuds to zone out everyone with music. I had decided that at this point I'd just stare at Benji all lunch. I wasn't hungry.
Xowie came and sat down first. Noticing that I hadn't said anything since she'd sat down she nudged my arm.
"You good?"
"Uh yeah.. why?"
"I don't know, you just usually are more talkative."
"I guess. I just feel like everyone is staring at me for some reason."
"Oh? Why?"
"I have no idea. I'm confused."
"Well, if anyone gives you any shit tell 'em to fight me" she laughed. I joined in her laughter and a conversation sparked as Syd and Cayman day down. It was a bit more bearable being paranoid when I was with them.
-
It was after school and I was now at home. I'd noticed that I hadn't even seen Benji at school today since art, maybe he was sick? Or ditched? I don't know, he didn't hit me as the type to skip class, at least not often. But I hoped I'd see him tomorrow. Somehow even though it had only been 6 hours since I'd seen him, I already missed his face, and his gentle touch.
I made my way downstairs to get some water. My brother was in the kitchen. I was always able to tell if he was in a good or bad mood. Lucky for me, he's in a bad one. I braced myself for a nasty comment.
As I poured myself a cup full of water, he stared me down.
"What?" I scoffed.
"You're arms?" he sneered harshly.
"What about them?" I said sarcastically.
"That's so pathetic. People who do that are weak."
"Well at least I didn't kill myself like- nevermind." I turned around to head upstairs.
"Like what? What were you gonna say huh?!"
"Why does it even matter?"
"I wanna know!"
I rolled my eyes and decided to answer just to piss him off.
"Fine! At least I didn't kill myself like dad!"
"I- wow. That was real low of you." He turned around to exit the kitchen.
"Why do you always have to belittle me like that? You always have to insult something about me no matter what it be, even as something as sensitive of that! Do you know what I have to go through?"
"What do YOU mean 'go through' ?! We al had to go through the same thing losing dad!"
"No, you don't understand! You don't know what it's like for everyone to call you an attention whore or a faggot or anything like that! You don't know what it's like to cry every night cause you hate yourself so fucking much! You just don't fucking get it!"
"If you're such an attention whore, maybe you would be better off dead."
With that, I ran to my room and slammed the door shut, locking it. I sank down back against the door, my head in my hands. I was sobbing so hard I could hear the door shake. God, why did he have to say something so awful? Why me? I roughly wiped my eyes, a stream of tears still flowing down my cheeks. I need to get out of here, clear my mind. I got on a new hoodie and climbed out my window. I turned on my music and made my way down the street.
Me and him didn't have that bad of fights that often, and I always tried to make peace with it, but when he carries on my anger towards myself and the rest of the world just let loose.
I shivered from the cold winter air, and kept walking. I didn't know where I was walking to, I just didn't wanna be in there.
Eventually I was in the Main Street of our outdoor shopping mall. It was now dark, and I was walking down the street with all the little shops. As I passed a restaurant I glanced inside. Someone in there looked oddly familiar. Benji?
I should mind my business, but I was curious, and I loved looking at him, so I kept watching. Pretty soon a pretty girl came to his table. I had never seen her before. She looked to be about his age. They laughed about something and he shook his head, clearly disagreeing. But out of no where, he picked up her hand and kissed it.
I never expected us to be a thing, but this whole situation saddened me. I wanted him to be happy, but I knew I would never truly be happy if I wasn't with him.
I sighed and a silent tear slipped down my cheek. I wiped it off and continued walking, this time toward my house. I was silly to think I'd have a chance with him. But I guess this "crush", has developed into something a bit more.
————————————————————————
Sorry this chapter was just annoying. I kinda know what I wanna do with this story but I need actual stuff to happen before the climax. I don't wanna get right in to all the romance. A good story needs conflict, after all.
Anyways bye luvss I'll write again tomorrow
Word count: 983
January 14, 2020
