Janella's Patrician

Chapter 3

Not edited. Can I just say guys that yes I know chapter 2 is a little different in style but it will fit better once I finally get around to editing. It does however start to give you an idea of what's happening in Nellies head. Don't give up on the chapter because of how it's written.

"Hey Nellie, mind if I join you?"

Nellie blocked the sun with her hand to look up into the face of West and smiled.

"Not at all." She was finally well enough to sit outside in the garden. Ethan was pushing Hannah on a swing of the new swing set he'd bought and put together. Alex was in his rocker beside her and between the laughs and giggles he was staring at the trees as the branches swung gently in the breeze.

"He's a beauty" West was pointing down at Alex.

"He is. Reminds me so much of Sam..." her voice trailed as she remembered his smile.

"Sam sounds like he was a good man."

"One of the best. I miss him alot." shifting in her seat she felt sorrow.

"You know, it's ok to miss him. I still miss my first mate but I'm happy, very happy to have your mother."

"You make her happy too." She placed a hand on his arm "thank you."

"No thanks needed Nellie. She's a very special woman. I'm the lucky one to have her not the other way around. She got the raw end of the deal." He laughed as Nellie bumped his shoulder.

"You're happy together."

"And you Nellie... Are you happy?"

Ethan stiffened. He didn't mean to listen but with his hearing he found he was unable not to. What was Nellie's answer? He held his breath.

"Nellie? Are you happy?"

"Sort of... I'm not sure." She was frustrated with her answer. She WAS happy with Ethan but... was she good enough for him.

"What makes you unsure?" West watched the battle she fought cross her face.

Ethan was now looking at them while Hannah skipped over to play in the sand pit. He watched as Nellie bent down to pick up Alex; avoiding the question.

"I don't deserve to be happy" she whispered.

"What? Why the hell do you think that?" West found her answer incredulous.

"I'm nothing special. I'm just the fat girl."

Ethan clenched his hands and wanted so badly to go to her. It wasn't true! Sander was pushing him to come out but Ethan wanted to hear more.

"Do you seriously think that?"

"Yes"

"Why?"

She looked up briefly at West before returning to Alex, "because it's true."

"No it's not Nellie. You're a beautiful young lady. Whatever ideas you have you need to throw them away right now."

Ethan watched as West obviously became Nellie's father protector. He'd thank him later.

"You don't understand..."

"What don't I understand Nellie? That before you started to remember your past life you didn't have doubts in yourself? You're letting them into your head again Nellie. Throw them out. Don't give them that space. What happened to you was disgusting. You should never have gone through that but you did. Now you have to make a choice. Do you love Ethan?"

Ethan felt his heart stop. His lungs were gasping for air as he felt like his skin was crawling with a thousand tiny electrical bugs. He waited.

What the hell was West doing?  Of course she loved Ethan!

"Yes."

Ethan's heart sang.

"But?"

His heart sank.

"How can he really want to be with someone like me?"

"Like you?"

She sighed. "Someone who's broken. Now that I remember I can't turn off how it feels. I can't forget."

West rested his elbows on his knees as he looked across the yard. "Why do you have to forget?"

"It makes sense to forget. I sometimes wish I never remembered."

Ethan couldn't believe her words. He could understand her not wanting to remember the pain but... what about her family? Her friends... Him?

"Let's say you never remembered. Would you want the people who were hurting to keep hurting because you were missing?"

"West, where are you going with this?"

"Think about it Nellie. Are you glad to have the people who care about you back in your life?"

"Of course" she huffed.

"Then stop letting the past control you. Throw away every hurt Nellie. Throw away their words. Don't take them into your future. Those words don't belong to you."

Ethan looked down at Hannah and knew that if anyone hurt his daughter or his son he'd kill them.

"It's not that easy West. You start to believe them when it's said enough. It's like... it's like being brainwashed. The more you hear, the more you believe." Nellie bent down to put a sleeping Alex back in his rocker and turned to West. "I don't think I'll ever believe the words aren't real."

"Ask yourself this.... Did any of them look truly happy?"

It was a question she'd never considered but... it made sense. In some warped pathetic way she'd been punished for their sadness. Her silence hadn't helped them.

West took in the expression on her face and knew he got through to her. Standing up he said "I think of you as my daughter Nellie. I know we have no blood ties but..."

Nellie raised her hand  to stop him from talking "Thanks... Dad."

West teared up with a mass of pride as he pulled her into his bear like arms and squashed her tightly. Placing her back down he reached over and picked up Alex's rocker.

"Time for a Grandpa bonding moment" he grinned "now... Go and talk with your man." He nodded towards Ethan and following his direction she saw him. The man who now owned a large piece of her heart. He stood quietly waiting, nervous.. but grinned and opened his arms widely as she walked to him with a smile. One step at a time was all that was expected as two souls started their true journey to become one.