Life with Brothers

Part 4

Previously

I love you. I love him. I want him to be with me.

I wake up and I feel cold. I open my eyes and I'm laying in my room cold and alone. All alone.

.............................

I sit up and look around the room. He's gone. I get up out of bed and get clothes for today and make my way to the shower. I turn it on after stripping and let the hot water fall down my body and steam up the mirror. I look at my wrists and carefully wash the cut and do the same to my thighs.

When I hop out I get dressed in leggings a crop top and a cardigan with a sports bra underneath because I'm going to the gym room we have here.

I walk out to the kitchen and boil the kettle whilst getting the coffee ready. I see Peter walk in with Liam laughing about something on Peter's phone.

"I'm going for a walk with Lauren bro and all the boys are going skiing. It's up to you what you wanna do." Liam says after he calms down from laughing. "Yeah man that's all cool. Have fun with Lauren." Peter say giving him a bro hug. "Oh yeah. I'm sure they'll have heaps of fun on their 'walk' I'm sure you two will have a great time." I say doing bunny quotes around walk.

He looks at me and I just smirk as I turn around as the kettle finishes. He leaves and I'm left with Peter.

I was about to open my mouth when he quickly walks out of the room mumbling to himself. Rude. I get my coffee and go to the gym room for most of the day.

None of the others are back. They've all messaged staying they're spending the night at one place or another.

I walk into the kitchen to get more coffee. I'm wearing a baggy hoodie with sweatpants. "Why are you always dressed like that?" I hear from behind me and I twirl to see Peter standing there looking at me.

"Like what?" I ask a little cold. Can you blame me? He's ignored me all day and wasn't there when I woke up and I don't know why. He seems a little taken aback by my tone.

"Is something wrong?" He asks stepping forward forcing me to step back into the corner with him close to me, towering me.

"You tell me! Last night you come in and we cuddle and watch movies. Then I say good night to you and fall asleep and then when I woke up this morning you weren't there! And then to add to that, you've been avoiding me all day! What the fuck Peter" I yell angry.

He takes a step back and looks down to me. "Do you remember the last thing you said to me last night after the good night?" He ask is a small voice. I shake my head not trusting my mouth.

"You said 'I love you' but you got cut off" he says and my stomach drops instantly. "What?" I ask trying to remember.

"You said 'I love you' but then you fell asleep" Peter repeats. "Is it that disappointing that I like you..." I say sadly with a tear rolling down my cheek.

"What? No, no, no. That's not it, that's not it all all Michelle." He says quickly steeping closer and hugging me. I stuff my face into his dark purple hoodie as another tear falls down.

I pull my head back to speak. "But I thought you didn't like me. You ignored me." more tears fall down my face. "I didn't want to ignore you but I had to." He says.

I'm instantly filled with anger. I push off of him and hit his chest with as much strength as I have which isn't a lot. "What the hell do you mean Peter? You didn't want to but had to. That's such bullshit. If you didn't want to be with me you should've just said so. You didn't have to do this just now. Just go away!" I yell with anger and tears streaming down my face as I storm off to my room.

I slam and lock the door as I go to the bathroom. I go to the bedside table and grab the blade I always turn to and a towel. I go to the joined bathroom and lock that door as well.

I undress and turn the hot water on in the shower crying. I step in letting the burning water wash over my body and conceal the tears.

I reach over to the counter where my cloths and the blade is lying and pick the blade up.

I sit down in the shower crying as my phone dings with a reminder. I reach over and turn unlock my phone looking at the reminder.

Mum's Death

In big bold letters are the words I dread ever since it happened.

I'm feeling with even more sadness. I grab the blade tightly and press it to my thighs making 4 deep cuts on each then moving it to my left wrist and slicing hard 3 times.

I look at the blood as it turns the water red and flows down the drain. Black spots start to cloud my vision as I hear banging on the bathroom door. I try to say something, anything, but nothing comes out.

Blackness consumes my vision as I close my eyes too tired to keep them open. The last thing I hear is the door slamming open, breaking off the hinges.

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Can I just say that I don't support or promote cutting or any form of self harm.