Being With A Jock

Chapter 18

Four days into school again after like the whole kind of Valentine’s weekend – it’s Thursday – and everyone suddenly wants to be my friend again. Just guess why. Chance’s football jock buddies are somewhat edgy about me because I’m not as athletic as they assumed I should be if I’m the quarterback’s boyfriend. Nevertheless, they accept me, even though I’m no Anthony.

 On Tuesday during lunch, I was at Tori’s locker waiting for her. Some jocks were four lockers down. I overheard them talk about me, comparing me to Anthony, even Chris for some reason. Saying how I’m not as athletic as the both of them, or smart as any of them. Saying how Chance made a wrong choice is choosing me as his boyfriend but they go along with it for him.

 I ponder about what they say, and that maybe I’m not meant for Chance. Just thinking that makes my heart tense up. It doesn’t feel right thinking I’m not meant for Chance. I over think too much about things I should care less about. When I do over think, I get stressed, if I stress people will worry, and Chance will most definitely be concerned. He’s a very protective guy.

 Speaking of things, I think I’m optimistic – at times. Random to say but true fact.

 "Tommy," I hear my name being called. I unlock my lock as I lift my head curiously scanning around to a jock who approaches me in this empty hallway - almost empty. I can tell he's a jock by his varsity jacket - school varsity jacket. I didn't recognize him from any of Chance's jock friends he introduced me to. Short pitch black hair complimenting his glimmering green eyes. Looks well defined, jaw line balanced, built like a jock would be built. I can admit that he's very attractive. I didn't say a word until he halted before me, but then, I still didn't say anything. "Tommy," he repeats. "I've been meaning to talk to you," he says.

"Uh," I am cut off from him pressing his finger heavily on my chest. His facial expression slowly alters furiously. I am confused.

"I want you to stop dating Chance," he firmly says to me. "You're way out of his league, but Chris, he's way in his league. They had a lot of. . . fun time together last year," he grins at me. By fun time, does he mean. . .? "By your confusion, you don't know about Chance and Chris. I don't think Tori does either."

Hold on, what is he talking about? What did Chris and Chance do in the past that Tori and I don't know about. Can I even believe the words from his lips? I just met him and he spits out all this information that seems like nonsense to me. Who is this guy anyway?

"Nathan," I hear a recognizable voice calling him. Both him and I know who's calling him, and immediately Nathan forces a synthetic smile, spins around side by side to me and latches his arm around my neck resting on my shoulder.

"Chance, buddy," he happily says synthetically. I am morally confused. He goes from not liking me, spitting out information I do not believe to suddenly faking as if he likes me.

Chance immediately pierces through Nathan's synthetic act, I can see it in his eyes even though Nathan doesn't notice by now he's been caught. "What are you doing?" he asks Nathan, crossing his arms over his chest, smiling as he knows Nathan will lie.

"You know, admiring your boyfriend," says Nathan. Chance doesn't buy it for a second. He comes up to us and removes Nathan's arm from around me and moves Nathan for him to slide behind me. I continue what I was previously doing - going in my locker to retrieve my fashion textbook, and yes, fashion has textbooks. Surprising.

"Best friends like brothers don't lie to each other, Nathan," says Chance. I notice Chance is wearing his black Dravius Varsity Jacket. As I open my bag Chance's arms glide around my waist locking his hands over my stomach. I don't bother to look at Nathan's facial expression right now. "If you don't like Tommy, I'm not going to penalize you about it," he says. "Just don't act as if you have to be like his best friend."

"Alright," says Nathan. I look at him and he looks blankly at me. Chance does those guy handshakes with him and Nathan's off down the hallway.

I replace my two textbooks of Chemistry and world studies with my fashion textbook as Chance swiftly pecks my cheek. Chance is expecting me to speak but the thoughts of the fun time Chance and Chris had, which I shouldn't believe them, enters my mind and spreads like a virus. Have Chance and Chris done it? If they had, then Chris is bisexual, or he could've been bi-curious. I'm foggy about this whole subject.

Immediately, I know Tori would feel disgusted at the fact her boyfriend had sex with mine - who is her brother, as well. Knowing that, it would damage the relationship between both Chris and Tori. I wouldn't want to be the cause of their relationship failure if I told her. But I have to know whether it's true or false information.

"Chance," I pause for a moment, "what did you do with Chris before we met?" I can feel his fingers fidgeting as he's surprised I ask such a question. I close my locker and seal it with its lock. I lower my bag down and turn around to face Chance with my arms crossed over my chest. He avoids my eyes.

I try to remove his hands but he stops me and looks in my eyes. His eyes hasn't been gold since the end of Valentine's Day. "Did Nathan tell you?" he asks, his voice filled with shame. I nod. "During grade eleven and partly of the summer, Chris was comforting me because I was still a bit depressed about the break-up with Anthony. After all that comforting, Chris found me really attractive and thought of me as an exception. Only I was attractive to him, and no other guy was. Obviously Chris is very attractive. So, sometimes, we would get together on weekends and you know, do it," he explains to me.

Could that be a reason on how Chance got over his depression from his previous break-up? You know, I shouldn't really blame Chance, nor Chris. Chance and I didn't even know each other then, so I shouldn't be mad. But I should blame them for not sharing this with either me or Tori, and that's what I should be mad about. I can't imagine how Tori will fully react, except, as stated, feel disgusted and most likely utterly stunned.

"So Chris is straight?" I ask for clarification.

"Yes," he clarifies. "I was just an exception."

"Alright," I only say.

"Please, Tomster, I don't want to lose you again," he pleads. "Don't hate me."

"I'm not going to break-up with you, nor hate you, Chance. I love you too much to do this again. I'm just upset at the fact you didn't share this to me, and Tori should definitely know," I say.

"I'm sorry for not telling you, and you're right, Tori should know, but I just don't know when she will," he says.

Chance hugs me tightly is his grasp and I return the favour of the loving hug I received. Chance grabs my bag and hauls it over his shoulder. He takes me by the hand and leads me to his room in the dorms. We're immediately halted by Andrew and Ariel. Andrew's facial expression isn't pleased with the outcome of me and Chance. He hates the fact Chance is my boyfriend again, and he isn't my new one. Why can't he just accept it? I don't want anymore tension breathing itself in more drama. Everything is going great for me in my life so far.

Ariel looks dim-witted. Tangling her finger in her ginger curled hair, playing with it's flow as she stares down on her ruby pearlescent nails. Wish I can be apathetic about this but it unfortunately involves my boyfriend. I'm the one that takes care of him. It's going to be relentless if tension heats up.

None of us speak for a moment, just silence taking it's natural course. I don't get why Chance doesn't take me away to his room that he wants to do. My visions scopes downwards to the cement which is more entertaining than this. Keeping eye on the small insects that scavenger past us. They don't have to worry about drama.

"Tommy!" My name is called from a distance nearby. I scope around curiously noticing Anthony walking towards me with widespread arms. A glance at Chance and he's already aggravated at Anthony's appearance. I release the grasp between Chance's hand and mine going into Anthony's arms hugging him. He's looking good today with his black white plaid shirt, grey jeans, black Nikes and nice combed hair. He pats me on the head as if I'm a dog after I release from his arms. I go back to Chance and intertwine my hands with him again. Chance is puzzled at this sudden act.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Anthony?" Chance irritatingly says.

"Chance, are you ever going to let it go?" Anthony asks him. Unfortunately, Chance won't.

Chance held his grudge against Anthony for so long and he'll continue to hold this grudge. "Why should I?"

"He's too much of a prick to do it," says Andrew.

My hand is gripped tightly as well as Chance forms a fist with his free hand. The annoyance mastered on his face is tempting him to punch Andrew vigorously. I think about my options and the best I can do is take Chance away to his room we were heading. I'm getting away from all this drama. Why didn't I decide this option from the start?

As I leave, Ariel and Anthony wave bye to me - vice versa - and I'm annoyed with Andrew repeatedly calling Chance a prick within range for him to hear. Luckily we get out of range of Andrew's voice. We trail to Chance's room. As we enter, Chance tosses my bag to side of the bed carefully then dashes himself on his bed while I close the door. I cross my arms over my chest out of annoyance as it's showcased with my expression and I eye him down. He has a part in this, too.

"What?" says Chance. "Don't put the blame on me."

"You were going to punch him, weren't you?" I ask.

"Maybe," he responds.

"Maybe isn't a precise answer," I say. "I want a real answer, Chance."

"Come on, Tomster," he says as he sits up, "don't be acting like a bitchy woman."

I am repelled by what he called me. It's showcased on my face for him to clearly regret his words.

I march into his bathroom avoiding eye contact with him. I shut the door and lock it. Why would he say something like that to me? Sometimes, I can be really sensitive about the hate people showcase to me -if they did - or things people say as a mistake - they so claim. Does he not think before he speaks? I guess not. This is one thing I dislike about Chance, sometimes he says things without thinking thoroughly.

"I'm sorry, Tomster, it just came out," he apologizes. "Please forgive me," he pleads for my forgiveness.

I approach the sink and turn on the tap. I cleanse my face with the warm water the flows through the tap. My head bows over the sink and the water drips down my face splashing small puddles in the bowl of the sink. Only time I have now to refresh my memories. Forget and move on, that's what I must do. I shouldn't stress over this.

I use Chance's towel that hangs behind the door to dry my face. I unlock the door and brush it open. Chance stands there with his hands in his pockets and his eyes sincere. I hug him tightly to relieve him of his worries and forgive him. He wraps his arms around me tightly. My head rests on his chest. He kisses my head softly.

All I need to do is move and on and forget the drama that has occurred. Be happy with my lover. That's what I need to do. School is almost down-ish and I'll be out of high school and into reality.

We unravel our arms and exchange our loving smiles at each other. These smiles warms my heart with passion. It hits me as we lay across his bed.

I forgot to ask about his gold eyes that mystically altered on Valentine's Day. It bothers me when I don't ask. I think about it a lot but never let it speak its question.

"Chance?" I say.

"Yeah?" he responds.

"Why does your eye color alter in a deep shade of gold?" I ask him.

Silence covers his lips and the distance between us in this peaceful moment. He doesn't speak nor look at me in the eyes. All he does is stare up at the ceiling as if he's thinking deeply for an explanation to justify his deep gold eyes. What would he say?

"Tomster. . ." his voice trails off.