Getting Lost on the Roads of Life - a KakaSaku Story [CONCLUDED]

A Life Built on a Lie

It couldn't be Rin.

He had killed her. He had cruelly snuffed out the shining light she had been. His world had shattered as he held her stiffening body in his arms. After blacking out, he had woken up in Konoha's hospital with an unbearable pain in his head, remembering every gruesome detail of her death, his hand twitching with a bloody memory of its own.

I am sorry, Minato Sensei had said with tears in his normally so cheerful eyes. I am sorry I couldn't be there for you. You shouldn't have lost everyone you care for at such an early age. I am so sorry.

It couldn't be Rin.

They had buried her at Konoha's cemetery while he hid behind the trees at the back. He couldn't get himself to go near the hole in the ground, his legs had shaken so violently he could hardly stand. It had taken weeks before he had been able to visit her grave and even more weeks before he had managed to find words to say.

It couldn't be Rin.

And yet, Kakashi knew in the depth of his heart with absolute certainty that it was her.

A Shinobi must never show attachment. A Shinobi must never show emotion. A Shinobi must always put the mission first. A Shinobi must always carry out the mission assigned. A Shinobi must...

The essential rules of a Shinobi rushing through his head in a desperate parade could do nothing to stop him. He had to go see her, go hold her, go talk to her...

... what would he say?

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

...which were not even remotely the words he knew needed saying.

Take my life in exchange, will that make up for what I have done?

Better. But was his life one he could give away freely? Did his duty to the village allow him such a decision?

What happened to you, Rin?

No headband. A face as hard as stone when it had once shone with the softest kindness. How much had she suffered, how much had she endured? Knowing she had been alive all these years without having the protection and appreciation of the village only brought renewed pain and made his guilt even bigger than it already was. He should have known. He should have...

"Kakashi, stop!"

There was a shadow trying to bar his way, but Kakashi dodged to the left, dismissing it as minor nuisance, his eyes looking for the quickest way down from the roof to enter the teahouse. He cared nothing for stealth, that would only slow him down.

"STOP!"

The attack that followed was swift and forceful, but he dodged again, roughly shouldering aside the annoying person, aiming for a pressure point on the assaulting arm when a flash of surprised green eyes pierced his tunnel vision and his gut contracted painfully, bringing awareness back into his mindless urgency.

But his outstretched fingers had already connected with Sakura's body. The feeling of snapping bones underneath her skin brought instant nausea. Horrified, he tried to grab onto her so that she wouldn't fall and hurt herself even more - when BAM, Sakura's chakra infused fist hit him square in the chest, knocking all the wind out of him, slamming his body backwards onto the roof with formidable force.

Serves you right. You hurt her.

"What are you doing?" Sakura hissed at him, furiously rubbing her injured arm with an expression of pain before sending chakra into it to heal herself, "It's surely a trap!"