Getting Lost on the Roads of Life - a KakaSaku Story [CONCLUDED]

Near Misses

Kakashi felt... off. Something was bugging him but he could not quite put his finger on it. Like an itch that was only just developing and therefore could not yet be scratched. He was so deeply in thought trying to figure out what it was, he only noticed the strange looks he got by the time he was almost at the hospital's front door. Oh, great. There were many gossipers in Konoha who were probably already trying to figure out what he was doing here. Tsunade would hear about it. Questions would be asked that he would not want to answer.

Nodding to a flock of nervous nurses looking in his direction, he stepped outside into the slightly chilly spring evening, his hands buried in the pockets of his pants. He felt like he needed some time to himself before returning to the cramped Anbu quarters. But where to?

After turning his head from side to side a few times he decided to walk to the right. Soon sauntering through the emptying streets of Konoha at a leisurely pace, Kakashi's nose picked up the smell of dinners being prepared in the apartments around him. Settling down had never been an option for him but in certain moments, there was a pang of regret that nobody waited for him at home with steaming dishes he could praise for their deliciousness.

Not true. Yamato must be waiting anxiously for him at the headquarters, with some ultra healthy food and supplements in pill form. So there, no need for regrets.

Kakashi walked further, noticing the special fragrance of the air. The days were getting longer, the temperatures were picking up, everything was exploding in bloom. And tonight, with a gentle wind from the East, there was the soothing and familiar scent of pine trees in the air. He had spent many hours of his life racing through vast forests with death on his heels, Kakashi mused, not least because several of Konoha's more dangerous training areas were dense forests. Did he even like forests? It seemed he did, the pine tree scent seemed pleasant. He had always thought he preferred the ocean.

That thought brought him back to Sakura. No, there was no connection between trees, oceans and Sakura at all, but his mind obviously wanted to think of her. Which wasn't a problem, he had mastered the spark very well, he thought with no little pride, or rather she had, with the necessary professional attitude. Maybe it was old age catching up with him, but he had worried a great deal about going to see her earlier, mulling over so many things that could go wrong. Because there were too many, he had actually decided to leave after sitting on the roof of the hospital for a bit. But then he had wanted to catch a glimpse of her through the window at least and that had done it. His hands had taken over command at this point and had knocked before his brain could intervene.

Trusting someone with his mind the way he had trusted her did not come easy to him. Among his most unpleasant memories were instances of being trapped in deadly Genjutsu like Tsukuyomi that crushed your very soul. The worst thing about it was knowing that moment your mind could no longer distinguish between illusion and reality was fast approaching, with nothing you could do to stop it. Once that threshold was reached, it was over. He understood that the Genjutsu Sakura had explained worked differently but knowing something was different from not resisting anyway and different from working up the necessary trust that she would build a world that was pleasant for both of them.

A world he would not remember.

So it was probably this, Kakashi thought, that made him feel so... off. There was another gap in his memory now, added to the gaps that were already there, gaps that made him extremely uneasy. One minute, he had looked deeply into her green eyes, marvelling at just how much their color reminded him of the sun shining on newly grown leaves, the next, he had felt like he was floating in the sky like a cloud, gently carried away by the wind, with no substance, no body... only to wake up twenty minutes later with no recollection of anything.