The Magic in Your Song(Trixya)

Chapter 27:Katya

Katya's POV

Today was the day. The day of my date. My date with Trixie. After we laid in her bed for a hour talking about where we were gonna, she laid her head on my chest and fell asleep. I could feel her breathing as she laid on me. I looked down and smiled at Trixie. She was such a beautiful woman that it made my heart do new things. Things that I never knew could happen, but there is always a but. I wanted to be with Trixie, there was no running from that. But there was also no running from my insecurities and faults. I couldn't run from them, but Trixie could, and that was my fear. I was being honest when I told her that every moment with her is nothing sort of a perfect heaven but there is always that underlying fear that I will fuck something up. There was no easy way to open up about the thoughts I had been having, no easy way at all. Trixie seemed to have her shit together, why would she want someone like me? Or maybe I was just a distraction from her workload, maybe that is all I was. My thoughts started to get to me, but there was no way I could tell Trixie that. "Katya."

"Yes?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, why?"

"You're not sleeping."

"How do you know that?"

"Because, I just know."

"Oh blah."

"Katya, you know you can talk to me right?"

"I know."

"Okay, I hope you will come to me when you need someone."

"Yeah, anyway we still haven't decided what we are gonna do today."

Well, I think your idea of just staying in was a good one."

"We have to go into the office today though."

"I know, but I only have a few hours in me. I think I'm gonna close the office early today. We can come back to my place. You still have one of your overnight bags here."

"Do I?"

"Yeah, you left it like two weeks ago. I washed the clothes and everything, so they are all clean and ready for wear."

"Oh, aren't you just the sweetest."

"Hush, come on we should get up and get ready." Trixie sat up and smiled at me. "Oh yeah, you left one of your suits here by the way and it is clean also."

"You are just all kinds of helpful. I didn't know I left so much here."

"Yeah, it is okay though."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you can just come to my house when you want without having to go to your house."

"I guess that is good huh?" Trixie smiled and nodded her head. Trixie crawled off the bed and walked to her closet. She pulled out my suit with a smile on her face.

"Ta-da."

"You are just too cute."

"You know, I thought that about you last night."

"Come here." Trixie crawled back on the bed and laid in my arms. I put my chin on Trixie's shoulder and kissed her cheek.

"Katya?"

"Yeah?"

"What did you want to tell me today?"

"Uh huh, I said our date."

"Really Katya?"

"Yes, really. Shouldn't we be getting ready?"

"Katya, that is just not fair at all."

"You think so?"

"Yes I do."

"Well good, that was my goal."

"Fine, I'm going to go take a shower, you get dressed."

"Sounds good." Trixie smiled and walked in bathroom, closing the door behind her. There was a heaviness as I stood up from Trixie's bed. I grabbed my suit off of the chair by Trixie's closet and started to get changed. This suit was one of my favorites, it never failed to make me look good. After getting changed, I grabbed my pack of cigarettes from my bag and walked downstairs. I stopped in the kitchen and made a pot of coffee along with tea for Trixie. After finishing in the kitchen, I walked to the backyard. I sat on the wooden steps and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it. I hadn't had a single smoke all night and it showed. This shouldn't be as bad as it was, but yet it was. Liking someone shouldn't feel like you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, or like you are trying to make it across the finish line of a race that you aren't meant to be apart of. It wasn't as if Trixie was like the former lovers in my life, she was so much different. She as patient and caring, warm and kind.  

My mind was just playing mind games, like they always had. I really wanted to tell Trixie how I felt tonight, how much I liked her, how much I wanted her to be with me. But what was so special about me that made her want me? I just was some addict who had so many problems, problems had ended up haunting those that came to love me. I didn't want to drag Trixie into that, I couldn't do that to her. I sighed as I took one more drag of my cigarette and stomped it out. I stoop up from the step and walked back inside the house, upstairs. I grabbed my things and wrote Trixie a quick note, telling her that I wasn't feeling well and that I would meet her at the office. I left the note on her pillow and walked out of her room. I walked outside and breathed in a deep breathe. After looking back at Trixie's front door, I walked out of the white fence and started my walk home. I could have used Bianca's car but I needed to have time alone, and what better way than an hour walk?