love letters from ruby

27. ruby red

goodmorning sweetheart

i am happy. i have little plants on the veranda. many cacti. i love them so because i got all of them from visits to people i like. i got the pieces to just press into the soil in my pots at home (i will never take something that grows, from a person whose aura is questionable, oh no). many succulent type greenery that has surprised me so by bearing beautiful flowers i never knew they would. i'm not very clued up with plants. and they have grown so profusely that i decided to do some trimming. i cut off many pieces this morning and brought them to work. the gardener is planting them under my office window as i speak, in richly fed soil and halfway in the shade around the trunk of two young palms where they will not be stepped on and where i shall be able to see them grow. the weather is so breezy and fresh and quite cool despite the sun. i am very happy. i wish you were here so i could just chatter at you, i know you would indulge me.

you said to me once that when you see me again, you will undress me and love me unconventionally. you said it so casually but it had such an impact on me. i am fascinated with that word now. unorthodox (so you), unusual (so you too), atypical (all words you would use) and you loving me that way. unconventionally. it excites me beyond imagining. what does it mean? (but i do not want an answer)

what does it mean when YOU say it? i think about this so much, at work, in bed, at the dentist... how will you pleasure me unconventionally? knowing you the way i do by now and knowing that you do not use words lightly or before considering them, my mind is aflame with possibilities. my thoughts turn every time to how you will pleasure me with words, somehow, and how you will watch me again and again being pleasured by you and what you say while you pleasure me over and over. the most exciting thought is about your focus (on me) and methodology (channels, manner, my mind runs amok with urges). i can just see you smile at this, but i mean it. you are such a unique man (everything about you excites me so - your mind is such a turn on, the way you think makes me flow) and knowing how much you love me, i am consumed with the dynamic between us. thinking of your love-making leaves me in quite a state, i can tell you. i yearn for it. i want you to see how you will make me feel, because i know how you will make me feel. i can feel it right now, writing this here. i know how deeply you will feel my pleasure. and how you will want it for me. i know it will make you wonderfully crazy and i want to see that happen! and i want you to feel it too, how i feel. i want me to drown you. i want my ecstasy, created by you, to set you alight as hotly as i know it will, me.

i know how very unconventional you are, for all your seeming conventional-ness. i have seen of you what others have not. and i am waiting, oh i am waiting, i am waiting for you. i am so waiting for your unconventional mind that you will spend on me. and your unconventional words, your words. i have no idea what they will be, but i am obsessed about the talk you will talk to me at the height of the passion we will spend on each other. and i so want to spend my passion on you. i want to drive you wild with it. i know you will probably nearly kill me with my own and your loving lust. i want to be wild with you. deeply, deeply wild. killing me softly... or less softly. petite mort. i doubt it will be petite, though.

we have had so little time together. i wish you were here already. could you hurry at all, do you think?

i am a very lucky woman. and you, my darling, are a very lucky  man.

i want so badly to look into your eyes...

 ruby