love letters from ruby

25. ruby on sunday morning

hallo buck

 .

it is sunday morning. one of my favourite days and time of day. the traffic is soothing and threaded with happy sounding treads. the way people drive, i think they are all smiling, satisfied, on their way to church or breakfast or sunday shopping for their family. it is quite cold now, even in the sunshine. the wind blows in busy little gusts, non stop. i am having my fourth coffee. which is really enough now, even for me. i have been awake since after five, thinking of you before my eyes opened. smiling into my pillow, covering my head with the sheets to keep you and happiness close so the two of you don't go anywhere without me. the warmth of this bed reminds me of you constantly. i got up and refilled the hot water bottle and got back in and thought of you some more. such peace in my heart. i feel my eyes carrying sweet smiles when you cross my mind, which is all the time. all the time. (my brain has a zebra crossing just for you, i think and you are my only traffic.)

werner texted me from the game lodge where he and his family are visiting and sent me pictures of lions and elephants at a waterhole. i want to go there. when you get back that is the one place we have to visit. (the owners are looking to sell it for one billion dollars and the commission is seven percent, so if you find someone who badly wants to purchase a game farm, please let me know....) we could have lots of fun after a successful sale...

i hope you are well. i hope you are fed. i hope you are safe. i hope you are reasonably happy where you are. know i love you. you are everything i need, everything. little else matters so much. you know this too.

i miss you and wanted to speak to you, just be closer to you, hence this note. i hope it reaches you sooner than my previous letters did. i miss your face. i see you smiling, that sort of half smile, shy, i think. i know how fierce you can be. i am so fascinated with how gentle you are with me. you make me feel exactly like that too. for all my cheekiness and sass, the feeling you create in my heart is of such stuff that it feels like a pool i am standing in that covers my head completely. i am drowning in it all the time. and it is the most wonderful sensation. if i knew where you were, i swear, i'd be there on the next flight. how can i still miss you so?! not being with you seems to just get harder all the time. quite unlike what i expected, you know?

i want to share things with you. i want to know what you think of everything under the sun. i want to show you stuff and discuss life with you and love and the future. i want to breathe in your smell and taste your skin. i want to hold your hands and look at your fingers, one at a time. i want to have my eyes against yours, squinting into your pupils. i can never be near enough to you. i want to wash your feet and your back and your bum. i want our life together to start.

now i'm laughing...

i want to be with you. i wish i was with you already. this thought is consuming me.

i trust that you know how much i want to say to you, but how little i can.

i miss you so much. and i just wanted to tell you.

 .

ruby