love letters from ruby

15. ruby on soulmates

my sweet soulmate

did you know that is what we are? whether we want to be or not. we cannot try to be, we are or we are not! luckily for me you are the other part of me and i belong with you!

i read this the other day; i could swear it was written with us in mind and the person who wrote it is one w.p. young: 'i don't just want a piece of you and a piece of your life. even if you were able, which you are not, to give me the biggest piece, that is not what i want. i want all of you and all of every part of you.' this is how i feel.

i wish you could see me smile at you, at us, at life. all of it is a lilting song. i'm not with you and i cannot see you, but i can imagine how we will look at each other when you come home. i will search your face and my eyes will find yours and just look into them and our eyes will lock. it will be sublime. i will never look anywhere else again. i will look away once i have had my fill (can you see that happening any time this millenium?) 

every song i hear is about us, every single one. i know this is not unique, but i know that we are. everything i experience with you, is a first for me. it is as if little of significance has happened to me at all before you. what makes it all so novel, is how we experience life together and how i feel about everything that happens, because of your reaction to it. you were never in my picture before now, therefore everything takes on a different meaning. it is about how we make each other feel. sometimes i think i'm dreaming and i think i'll wake up and reality will be one long nightmare while you are in fact a perfect dream that happens while i sleep. how can it possibly be the other way round? how can it be that what i have is you in this real life in real time? what did i do to deserve this? how lucky can ruby be? here you are in my life, you love me more than any other woman on earth, how can this be true? sometimes i think i will die from perfect love syndrome, our perfect love, because it is just too much, too perfect, too unbelievable. too equal. because love never unfurls equally from both sides, does it? i have known so many couples who have tried so hard to pretend that their love was alike in quality, looking for all manner of excuses to pull that love, bubblegum fashion into equal lengths exactly and all the time. i've done it myself. only to know deep down that it is really untrue and unmatched. i suppose the fact that i'm speaking for you too, says it all...

you know by now how i can fret. but somehow i sometimes put the worries aside and just delight in us. i realize exactly how blessed we are to be together. i have found the other part of me. do you know that the idea of soulmates originated with aristophanes who said that humans originally had four arms, four legs and a single head with two faces? then zeus feared the power of these humans and tore their limbs apart (does that make sense if he was allegedly frightened of their power, i ask you? but it is not for me to question zeus...), so that every person is condemned to spend their life searching for their other half to complete them. i have thought this over. the difficulty is not in having a soulmate. i can think that we all have one. the problem lies in finding him or her. she's there. he's there. but where, oh dear lord, where?! with all the billions of people dwelling on the face of this earth, what are the chances of running into one another? we are lucky, my love. no wonder we recognized one another. no wonder we gravitated to each other. no wonder you feel like family, like love, like me! you are my soulmate, the only person on this earth with whom i share this deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality and compatibility. you are my twin flame, my ultimate soulmate, the one and only other half of my soul, for which it has been driven to find and join.

we are that.

how cool is that? how precious? how unbelievable. how unbelievably lucky, don't you think?

instead of trying to colonize mars, shouldn't scientists be trying to craft a soulmate seeker? i'm scared i wake up and this is all some back to front dream. please god, please god, please god, let this be real, let it never end...(now i'll be punished for suddenly praying when i'm in need!)

pray too! (i won't be punished on my own...)

your eternal soulmate

ruby