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twelve

"she knows me,"

three words, mixed feelings, various responses, disheartening reactions.

seungyoun's dark pupils are trembling in fear, looking like as if there's a small stone has been thrown into a still glistening lake, staring at the phone with full of despair.

he never thought that the seen marks on his texts can make him go insane.

he knows that this situation will occur. he has his own thoughts of it, that's why he doesn't want to tell her, not now.

but it was spilled in a way that was out of his hands. seungyoun wants to be the one that will talk to yeoreum about the truth, he was just waiting for the very, very right time.

but the time is clearly against the two. cruel much, huh, mr. time?

"how does she found out?" a question is given from seungwoo, who's feeling nervous about the news too.

seungyoun doesn't even look up, his eyes remain stucked on the ground. "i don't know how, but- hm..."

sorrow dawns on seungyoun's prince-like face, he keeps massaging his temples and rubs his hands many times, causing a bringer of concern to grow inside seungwoo's heart.

this will be the first time for seungwoo to witness the younger one to be this panicked. seungyoun is always known as a jubilant man gifted with lots of splendid talents in different sides.

he will always be the one who will brighten up the atmosphere around them, he's like a happy pill for the other trainees, he brings so much energy and hope.

and that makes seungwoo to be a little bit envy of seungyoun as he feels that he's lacking in that role.

"is it that bad?"

"worst. i don't think she wants to talk to me anymore."

"you know that's not true, seungyoun,"

"i can't think of any better outcome right now. even if we text each other after this, i'm just afraid to mess things up again..."

seungyoun adds, frown plastering his face. "what if she becomes distant from me? i noticed it when i confirmed the truth, i could feel the bitterness between her texts. i'm sure she feels intimidated by my identity..."

seungwoo is wondering on how to ease the air of discomfort that surrounded the anxious boy. he has to admit that what seungyoun clarified just now has its own point, but they don't know the actual feelings that yeoreum is having at the same time.

seungwoo also has never encountered himself in such condition so he's also worried that he cannot help seungyoun as he is not an expert in that part.

"i'm terrified to lose her, seungwoo-hyung..." seungyoun's voice turns monotonous, expression hardened. "i don't even care if the feelings aren't mutual. i just don't want to stop texting with her. that's so much worst than being rejected. even if she doesn't like me back, at least we still talked to each other,"

seungyoun screws up his face, tall figure leaning against the wall of the dance practise room. he pulls out his phone from the pocket of his sweatpants, clicks the inbox icon and reads the texts he received from yeoreum, every each of them.

seungyoun literally embraces their conversations so much, the time he spent to talk with her are precious that he always wish for it to never end. he ever thinks to take their friendship to another level, to more than just a closed friend, but even yeoreum herself hadn't identify his true profile at the moment so he just erased the thoughts away.

but since yeoreum already found out about it earlier than he expected, she asking a favor to have some time and space to consider about his unexpected confession, seungyoun cannot insist but to blame himself for being too rushed on her.

yeoreum still feels alarmed but he already made the next move, which seungyoun thought had frightened the latter more.

she needs a healing process, he wanders. everything's gonna fall back onto its place, he tells himself again. it will be fine, he assures himself repeatedly.

all his thoughts are about her.

her heart pumps still beating for him.

they are still in love, just not together.

© younreumie