𝑉𝐼𝐵𝑅𝛢𝑁𝑇 - B.D.

Dead Man's Eyes

//Lexi//
I couldn't, how could I? He hadn't done anything, why would I lie? Why would she even ask me like that, she knows I love him, she knew what I'd pick. I'm easy to read like that, even if I act closed off, I'm predictable. Maybe that's what made it so easy for him to get around me, I'm predictable, he knows exactly what to say and when to say it. No. He's not like that.

"Finally." Blaine groans, collapsing on the couch once we get back on to apartment, lying across it and gesturing for me to join him. I do, with little resistance, though it bothers me, slightly, what I'd heard. I couldn't believe it, but what if?

"B, do you love me?"

He turns to look at me, his eyebrows furrowing, "you know I do, why?"

"So you wouldn't lie to me, right? Like ever?"

He pushes himself up into a sitting position as he looks at me with concern, "No Lex, are you going to tell me what's going on?" I can already tell by the way he looks at me he's worried I know, that somehow in the time we were separated I'd figured everything out. It's not the first time I've seen that look but it's the first time I've recognised it for what it is, his ocean eyes turning a cloudy grey, it's fear. The kind of look you'd have if you were approaching a stray dog, worried it might attack, worried it might flee. He's scared I'll be mad, he's more scared I'll leave.

I don't think I could ever leave him. He grabs both my hands in his own squeezing them softly.

"Blaine...how many?"

He shakes his head slightly in confusion, opening his mouth to speak before closing it quickly. He's playing dumb but he knows. He knows. I can see it.

"How many people Blaine?" I stare at him, it's hard to hold his gaze, but I manage it, barely.

"Babe I don't understand?" He squeezes my hands again to emphasise his words.

"Just tell me it's all a big misunderstanding, even if it's a lie, Blaine I'll believe you whatever you tell me. Please." My breath catches in my throat, I don't want to cry, I've been doing that too much lately.

"Lexi..I-"

"Just tell me you haven't killed anyone." I watch him, waiting for a reaction.

"-I can't."

I take a shuddering breath, yanking my hands out from under his though I make no effort to stand and he makes no effort to grab me.

"Did you- do you feel guilty?" I ask resting my elbows on my knees and catching my head in my hands as I fight to control my emotions.

"Sometimes." He breathes out.

"Sometimes?" I scoff.

"I have dreams about it, it keeps me up sometimes." He explains, trying to keep a level tone. He sounds indifferent.

"It keeps you up," I repeated in shock.

"I know that's not enough, if I could take it back, undo it all I would I-"

"They were kids," I state.

"They were convenient." He corrects.

"You don't mean that." I can't look at him, his voice slowly drains of emotion.

"They were money." What is he trying to do?

"Stop." I snap.

"They were food." He's pushing me away.

"What are you trying to accomplish!?" I stand up and yell, "are you just trying to push me away!?"

"You're going to leave anyway, the least I can do it make it easy on you." He looks up at me, still not leaving his position on the couch. I can't make it eye contact.

"You think this is easy?"

"Everyone else seemed to manage." He looks away when he speaks, as though he already regrets it.

"Oh right so I'm supposed to feel bad, that's it?" I laugh in disbelief.

"No that's not-"

"Grow up Blaine, you're a fucking murderer, you don't deserve pity." So why do I feel so bad?

"Well, then what the fuck do you want me to say!?" He stands above me, losing his cool as he yells.

"Not talk about them like they were currency!" I bite back, getting in his face,

"Well I'm sorry but that's what they were, they meant nothing to me, Lexi." His emotion is gone again, as though he's flicking a switch.

"You never answered my question."

"What question?"

"How many?"

"How many teenagers?" He asks, as though it needs clarifying.

"How many bodies Blaine, because God knows what other murders you've committed."

"23." It's quick, too quick.

"Twenty three?"

"That's what I said."

"I don't believe you."

"What, do you want a higher number? Fine 50!" His eyebrows furrow, his anger slipping out again, up the veins on his forehead bulging slightly, his skin whitening. I imagine my skin looks the same.

"You're just making it up!"

"Jesus Lexi, I didn't keep fucking count."

"Jesus Lexi? How the hell can you act like I'm the irrational one!?"

"Get out."

Oh.

I wasn't expecting that.

"What?"

"You heard me, get out."

"Blaine-"

"NOW!"

I flinch, when I look up at him this time I don't recognise the man in front of me at all. All that colour I saw in his eyes, those layers, that emotion. It's gone now. There are no longer pretty, swirling fish in his sea. His sea is empty, clear, void of life. He's got the eyes of a dead man, which is quite fitting really when you think about it. So I leave. I walk out. The only worry on my mind is that I'm not sure I'll ever see him again.

A/n~ this kinda feels like an ending but it's not lmao don't worry.