INSTEAD, james potter [1]

Chapter Thirty-Five

It was strange for Lyra, watching Remus Lupin. Of course, she had watched him many times before, trying to figure out what kind of young man he truly was. She thought she had him figured out, but she had been very wrong. 

Remus Lupin was far from easy to figure out, and Lyra cursed herself for believing he was. He was always strange, and he had always kept his distance before the year they became prefects together. 

And even then, he always seemed like he was keeping some secrets. Whenever he looked ill, he would say it was nothing and it would pass quickly. There were some nights where he couldn't patrol, though they were few and far between. Still, she was never offered an explanation. 

The worst part though, was his nickname. Because she had no other explanations, she accepted James's dumb explanation about him acting like a mum and having an O in Astronomy. If she hadn't felt so dumb, she would have laughed. 

Because, of course he was a werewolf. If she hadn't been so stupid, she could have realized that long ago. And perhaps if she hadn't been so strangely prejudiced, maybe she would have accepted it, too. 

Lyra hadn't thought of herself as very prejudiced in a long time. In comparison with most of the people she spent time with, she was an open-minded miracle. She hadn't ever bullied a muggleborn or a half-blood, even if she was a bit scared of muggles. 

But it had been a cruel awakening to find out that one of her best friends was a half-breed, one of the things that she had been raised to fear the most. Werewolves were creatures used to frighten children into making their beds or not talking back to their parents. 

Werewolves weren't supposed to be friends. And yet, in Lyra's eyes, Remus Lupin had been a friend before he had been a werewolf. That was why it was so strange, because the two couldn't be the same person. Remus and werewolf didn't work together. 

Yet, it had to. Because it was him who had almost attacked her and Snape in the Shrieking Shack (which she later found out was where they had been), it was him who had been strangely absent on days there were full moons. It was him who had kept secrets. 

Because while she knew he kept things from her, she never believed they were secrets of his own. She always thought it was one of James's, Sirius's or Peter's, ones that weren't his place to tell. 

But it was Remus who had secrets, who was the mysterious, dark one. Ever since their first day of fifth year, Lyra believed Remus was a source of light that could impossibly be as perfect as he was. She was right. 

There was a darkness hidden behind the light, only shown to those he trusted beyond any others. It was hurtful to know she hadn't made the cut, even if she now understood why. She didn't react the way he would have wanted either way.

In a way, she was the same. James had told her there was a light in her that he hadn't always known. Both Remus and Sirius had always seemed to believe she was more innocent than she truly was. They didn't know the underlying doubt and darkness that hid underneath her golden locks. 

Though, she wasn't sure who she was in their eyes anymore. James still put her on a pedestal she felt she didn't deserve to be on. Peter had given her criticism that struck her to her very core. But both Remus and Sirius were now wildcards. 

That was what made her so nervous as she watched him, trying to keep from tapping her fingers on the desk in front of her, knowing that the sound annoyed him. Annoying him wouldn't be the best bet for their conversation. 

Remus had asked his new favorite Professor, Professor Dowson, if he could borrow his classroom. Since  the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher had taken the young Gryffindor under his wing, he couldn't refuse.