Emotions #2

1

Aryse

  It's been a week since Lyra left. I've spent my days reminiscing over everything that's happened this past school year. Our time together on my roof plays over and over in my head. I'm unable to forget the feeling of her laying on my chest, the steady sound of her breathing as I held her in my arms for the last time. I can't shake the feeling of heartache that I feel from having to say goodbye to the girl I love so deeply. We still text every now and then, but it's just not the same as her being here.
  School is the same as always.. Hayden and I made up. We're just friends now. We've moved on from our past mistakes. Our friend group is just us four now. Hayden, Addison, Sadie, and me. We miss Lyra a lot but we don't let it show. We stay happy for her sake. School hasn't been so bad, but it's different not seeing that beautiful, smiley face.
~~~
  "Have you talked to Lyra lately, Aryse?" Addison says from across the table.
"Not since Saturday. She had said that she's starting a new school Monday which is today of course. And she said that the misses all of us."
  "I miss her so much.. it's just so different without her being here." Addy replies.
  "Yeah same, but we have to stay happy no matter what. Lyra wouldn't want us all to be sad." Hayden adds. "It's not going to be easy but we have to."
  "It's going to take time, plus we still keep in touch with her." I say.
  "True." Addy shuffles in her seat. "No Lyra at prom though.."
  "It will be okay.. we could all just go as friends and tell her how it was later." I give Addison a reassuring smile. She smiles back.
  The bell rings for fifth period.
  "I'll walk to you class since we have the same fifth period." I offer to Addison.
  "Sure. Thank you." She replies.
  "See you later, Hay." I say to Hayden.
  "See ya, Air." He replies.
  "Later, Nerds." Sadie says and leave the cafeteria ahead of us.
~~~
I spend 5th period thinking about the damn rooftop.. Her head on my shoulder, the way she smiled while watching the sunset.. the way her body fit perfectly against mine.. her smell. Oh that sweet, rich vanilla smell.
No matter how hard I try, I can't get that moment out of my mind..

"Did you even write down the test questions, or where you daydreaming again? Hello?? Aryse!!" I look up to see Hayden standing beside my desk.
"I'll just copy yours later.." I reply and get up and leave the classroom before he can anything else. He follows close behind me.
"Air, are you okay? Is something bothering you?"
"Can we just ditch school and go somewhere more quite?.." I look at him with a sad look.
"Sure, come on."

We end up at my house, Hayden's dad was home and would question us about not being in school. My dad is rarely home anymore so we decided my house is the best place.
Hayden is sitting on the carpet in his usual spot by my bed. "So, are you going to tell me what's been bothering you?. You haven't answered any of my texts or calls, and then you just show up at school all positive and happy thoughts but then in class you were looking like you were about to cry, Aryse. What's wrong?"
"I can't get her out of my mind, no matter how hard I try." I turn to look out of the window so Hayden won't see me tearing up. I take a deep breath to keep my voice steady. "Thursday night before she left, I invited her over to my house and we sat on my rooftop and watched the sunset. She was leaning her head on my shoulder and I was leaning against her. It was just..just seemed so perfect at the time. It felt so right sitting there with her." I turn to look at Hayden; he sees the hurt in my face and he holds out his arms. I walk over to him and take his hug and let my tears fall.
"Aryse, it's okay. She will be back one day."
"I love her, Hayden. I should have told her before she left.." I let go of Hayden and walk over to my desk. I look down at my favorite pen and then all of a sudden I remember.. The letter!!
"Hayden I gave Lyra a letter before she left, do you think she even read it?"
"Uh, I don't know. I'm sure she has, why?"
"Every time we have talked through texting, she has never mentioned it. I just hope she has read it, because I need her to know how sorry I am and how much she means to me. I can't even imagine what I'd do if I knew she had moved on and was seeing someone else."
"Aryse, don't think like that. It's rare that someone moves on that fast. I can assure you that she's probably struggling just as much as you are. It's going to okay, Aryse."
Hayden's phone rings, interrupting our conversation. "It's Sadie.. I forgot we had dinner with my aunt tonight." Hayden rolls his eyes. "I'll text you later, Aryse. I love you." Hayden smiles at me.
"Love you too." I smile back.

Once I'm alone, I lay down on my bed and think of the rooftop moment. If only I could just see her. Even just knowing what she's doing, or how she's doing. Damn, I sound like a stalker. Ugh.. I get up and walk over to my desk and sit down. I get my notebook out of my bag and begin writing to her...again, because I'm a loser and deeply in love with a girl who most likely still hates me for what I said to her..

Look at me writing to you again.. I'm not sure why, but I just feel the need to. Writing letters for you seems to help me deal with everything that's been going on. I miss you.. we all do, but I more than the others. No matter how hard I try, I can't forget the moment we had on my rooftop. Sometime I find myself out there sitting alone watching the sunset. It's become a routine for me, even though you're not here I still have to do it. Just to keep you in my memory. I know it's silly that I'm still sad over you leaving. It's only been a week but it feels like a lifetime.. I miss your smile, your laugh. They way you would look at me when I would say something stupid. I miss your eyes, that hazel color in the sunlight and the sweet vanilla scent of your perfume. I miss you, Lyra.. I can't shake the feeling of holding you in my arms. I may not ever get that chance again, but I want to thank you for forgiving me after what I did you. I want you to know that I'm more than glad to have had the chance to know you. And I enjoyed being around you, and being your friend. I want you to know how much you mean to me. One day I hope I can show you.. I hope you're doing good..you've probably moved on.. have I? I'm not sure yet. I'm trying but every time I try, I think of how perfectly your body fit against mine and your scent every time you would be near me. It's silly to think that I can't move on..but I love you, Lyra Tate. I really do love you..

-Aryse

I take the letter and fold it. I put it in an envelope, seal it, and leave it on my desk. I walk over to the window and open it. And before I even realize what I'm doing, I'm on my roof watching the sunset.