I leave before I'm left

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I stared at the red carpeted floor for a long time. Kevin had left me alone in the room and went off somewhere with a prominent scowl on his face. So it was over now, I guessed. The mystery had been solved. Kevin loathed me and would do it probably for the rest of his life. I was standing in the eye of a hurricane of emotions. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. I laugh in the worst situations, when there is no escape, what else do you do? I cried for Ashton. I loved Ashton though probably not in a way that he loved me but he was important. It was still hard to believe that a happy go lucky guy like him had another side. Why couldn't he wait that day? Probably things might've been different. Why do we exist if we have to just die some day? Is there a reason why everything happens? People live, death comes and slowly they are forgotten. What is the universe planning for me? Being stuck in this place with a guy that hates me and accuses me of being a murderer. Life is funny. I laughed through my tears which made me cry even harder.

Suddenly I felt so lonely, I haven't felt this lonely lately. I need a shoulder, I need someone to look at me and assure me that things are fine. My head was pounding harder because of the crying. Things were not fine. I was never this girl, how could I just give Kevin the right to make me feel this way. I should not let this bother me but the bitter truth is that It's actually the little things that hurt like thorns.

I had to be strong for myself. I refused to believe that I was the reason for whatever happened to Ashton. My intentions were never wrong. I was just a girl who could not take decisions quickly and I did not kill Ashton. Who does Kevin think he is? I sobbed harder and what made it worse was that I didn't know what I was crying over. I pulled myself up and went to the bathroom to find a zombie in the mirror. The white dress I wore was crumpled and my hair was unruly. My eyes, lips and nose were absolutely red from crying. I washed my face and looked into the mirror again. The question never escaped my mind, was I a murderer?

I had made up my mind to actually end the whole drama. Kevin is wrong and he needed to know it. I swaggered out of the bathroom and bumped into Kevin. He looked at me, his eyes not giving any expression. I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to speak, my voice was inaudible and I knew I wasn't ready to explain anything to Kevin. I decided upon ignoring him and moving on when he spoke up, "I'm leaving."

I turned around still trying to process his words. My face held a surprised look.

"What do you mean? Leaving? Where?" I questioned.

"I don't think I should spend any more time with you and so I'm just going. Anywhere I want to." He said avoiding my gaze.

"So that's how it is now, you're just going! Do you ever think about anybody else?" I asked as tears returned without much delay in my eyes.

He tensed up and closed his eyes for a second. "I don't owe you any explanation. I'm going." He said again.

I didn't think before acting. I ran up to him and slapped him hard on the face."You are selfish,most crazy and insane person I've ever met. You don't think even once about leaving me alone. How could you? If that's what you really want to do then leave right now. I thought you had a good heart but you're just hollow from the inside. You don't feel, you just push people away." I shouted.

"Don't leave me!" I cried. I felt weak. I don't cry, especially in front of anyone. He can't know this side of me but it was too late now.

Kevin stared in my direction, too lost to find any words to say for a minute. His gaze was piercing. A part of me wondered if I had done the right thing by slapping him.

I stood there in the same posture of a helpless crazy girl.

"You want to know why I push people away? It's only because I've been hurt before. So many damn people just go in and out of my life. I push people away because I'm sick and tired of it. I leave before I'm left. Simple as that." Kevin said in a harsh voice.

"I won't leave you." I said weakly.

"Did you say that to Ashton too?" Kevin spat out.

"So we're back on that discussion? Listen to me, I did not kill him." I said clearly.

"Maybe you did not. Maybe I blamed you for nothing. I'm sorry. There, I've apologized and I'll go now. I can't be around you, I'm feeling things I should not." He said and moved past me leaving me shocked.

What did he mean by things he shouldn't feel?

There was no time to dig deeper into his words because I had to stop him. Without him, I'd be alone which is one of the biggest fears I have.

I ran after him and saw him standing on the door with his backpack on his shoulder. He looked at me one last time as I looked panic stricken.

"It's for the good." He said.

He opened the door and probably took just one step when his cell phone started ringing.

Both of us paused and looked at each other absolutely stunned because I was not the one who had called Kevin.

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Note: Hey ;)

I'm back :D exams were crazy... :P

now, one of the readers sent me a suggestion. Half of it was a part of my original plan and the other half, well I asked her for details but the thing is that I loved the effort.

If you want something to happen in the story, just tell me :D If I take up your idea,I'd give you credit too.

:)

I hope you liked it. It's hard to write something you're not feeling lately, yes I'm happy not hurt :P

Do comment, vote for Kevin. I know he's a jerk but you love him. Don't you? :P

-Vrinda :D

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