Seducing Alpha

♔Chapter Five♔E

 Seducing Alpha

Chapter 5

Picture: Alisa Barrow

 

Picking up my bag I stood up sniffling. There was only one thing that was on my mind at the moment. How? How would I do it? I didn’t want it bloody. That would only turn out to be a hard mess to clean up. I could always drown myself. No. I wanted it to be quick and painless, something I knew I didn’t deserve but wanted. If someone were to hear my thoughts they would think me as to being psycho.

Planning my own death, I wondered how the funeral would go. Would my father be there? Would he grieve? Would he mourn and realize his mistakes? Who else would go? Xavier. Just the thought of him at my funeral brought me pain. His little ‘mine’ speech in class came to my mind. I wondered if he would just move on to another girl as broken as me. I hoped not.

The thought of ending my life was starting to make me realize how good it would be. Xavier would no longer have me by a leash. No more beatings. No more guilt for my mother and Sam’s death. I would finally be able to be with them. I knew there wasn’t a future for me. My grades might have been exceptional but I knew my dad would never let me go to college.

I would never have kids, because no man in their right mind would want someone as wrecked as me. As the sound of a broken sob rang through the silent halls, I realized who it was. Me. I could still remember my mom’s words as I trudged through the empty hall. Your first kiss will always be the most magical and spellbinding thing you’ll ever experience, my love. 

 

I let out a bitter laugh and knew that wasn’t going to happen at all. I started to plan my death as I made my way out the door. My ragged old shoes squeaked along the way. My bag slapped against my un-bruised hip every few steps. The pain that ran through my body felt numb and bearable.

I started to think of the letter I was going to leave before my suicide. I knew I would have to write a word or two to my dad, but who else? There really was no one else to leave a message for; I had no other relatives I knew of. My mother’s parents had disowned her for marrying off to my father against their protests. My father’s parents and one other sibling had passed away from a virus that had spread around when he was only a boy.

As I thought of having no one else, it struck me. I had no one. A sick feeling started to creep into my stomach as I thought about it. The only blood relative I knew of was my father, someone who I was aching to get away from, finally a chance to be set free on my own.

I couldn’t think of a good place. I knew home was not an option; I really had no home at all. Then it came to me. The woods. It would be perfect. I always loved nature and the way things just seemed to form on their own without the touch from a human. All I had left was the quick and the painless part to think of.

I was never one for excruciating pain. It would only make me want to get out of my own trap even more. That cut out using a gun or rope to hang myself. Razor. It seemed perfect to use. Just the right vein to cut through and I would finally be gone. No pain and no mess left behind.

The last thing to think about was when. When would I do it? When would be the perfect time to finally end my own misery? Today? A week from now? My birthday? My birthday seemed perfect, it was less than a month away and I would turn eighteen. Eighteen meant nothing to me; it would just mean another year of abuse from my father. He would never let me go. And I knew I would never be able to run from him.