Erkenci Kuş One-Shots/Short-Stories #CanEm

25. I'm Not Going Anywhere -Part 1 (ep41)*

I loved episode 40 so much. It was beautifully written! Both Can and Sanem hurting deeply, in their own way, each having caused the other so much pain, and yet somehow Ayse and the other writers managed to evoke so much sympathy for both characters from us viewers - the trademark of a good script.

I wanted to write something about how they start to heal. I'm sure they will have something wonderful and heartfelt on the show, but here's an alternative ❤️

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Can threw the boat's fuse into the water, and felt immediately liberated. There was no turning back now. He took in a deep breathe and looked out onto the harbor - and couldn't believe his eyes. Was that Sanem walking away from the pier? She was wearing the same dress, he would know that gait anywhere, a diminished, broken version of his fiery Sanem. He blinked his eyes afraid that his mind was playing tricks on him. But no, it was her walking away. She had come to stop him, or at least to see him, and he couldn't describe the feeling inside him. It was like an anchor had been lifted off his chest, his shoulders felt lighter, his head dizzy.

He opened his mouth to call out her name and then stopped himself. He had promised her so many times that he would not leave, and he had left every single time. His words were empty now. His actions needed to speak louder than his words. He would go to her or wait for her to come to him. Either way, there would be no more running away.

Sanem sobbed all the way back to the house. She quietened down as she approached the house afraid that someone would hear her. She knew that Denise, CeyCey and Muzzo would only get upset at Can for leaving again and Aziz Bey would be sadder still. She didn't want Can to take on any more blame. She saw that he was a beaten man, only half the man she knew and loved. But she would love every version of him, she realized that now. She didn't need him to shoulder any more blame than he already had. That night the nightmares were worst than they had been in a long time. She tossed and turned and cried in her sleep, waking up in a cold sweat. You will get through this, Sanem. He left before and you survived. You can do it again. She tried to convince herself.

Can didn't sleep a wink that night. He read a little more of her book, but the raw emotions in it broke him, and he had to put it away after reading another chapter. The talk with Nihat weighed so heavily on his heart and mind. Why had no one told him how sick Sanem was? About how terribly hard it had been on her? Oh right, because he had asked them not to talk about her. He cursed himself for his selfishness and insensitivity.

He knew that Sanem came to the dock to unwind most days. So he decided he would wait it out till she made her way back there. He didn't want to deal with everyone else in the house. He wanted to focus solely on Sanem. She was the only reason he was here. She occupied his thoughts completely. There was no room for anyone or anything else.

The following evening Sanem couldn't wait to escape to the dock. Her mind was in turmoil, and she needed to get away from everyone, from her thoughts. The water gave her that temporary reprieve. She took the bottle with her note and hurried to the dock. She stopped short when she saw Can's boat there. Her hand flew to the ring on the chain at her chest. Was she hallucinating again? She closed her eyes for a few seconds, breathing deeply in and out, and then opened them. The boat was still there. What should she do now? Should she go back home? She was so tired of running. This was her resting place, he had no right to take that from her. She walked resolutely towards the end of the pier and sat down in her usual spot. She opened her palm and looked at the bottle in her hand preparing to throw it out into the water, when she felt his presence. This time she knew it was real.

He sat down beside her, close but not touching. Wanting so much to take her in his arms but knowing he had not earned the right. Yet. The sat in silence for a few minutes. And then turned towards each other at the same time. He allowed himself a small smile. They were still in sync. No amount of time would ever change that.

"You're back", she said.

He nodded. "For good. I know I've said the words before and left. This time I will let my actions speak for me"

She nodded imperceptibly, and he was relieved she wasn't putting up a fight. One of her hands was clenched around her chain and her other hand was holding on to something . "What's in your hand?", he asked.

She opened the hand around her chain.  He saw the ring and gasped audibly. Then realizing he meant the other hand,  she opened it and held it out to him and he saw the bottle with the note in it. He looked up at her face, asking permission, and she nodded slightly. He took the bottle from her hand, removed the lid and opened up the note.

"I will always love you, but i have set you free.

I'll be waiting. Come back to me"

The tears fell from Can's eyes on to the note. He folded it and put it back in the bottle. "May I keep it?", he asked quietly. She nodded.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes, then he turned towards her. She was looking straight ahead, her face a mask once again. It gutted him anew to see her slip back into her shell. "I will help you heal Sanem", he whispered, "however long it takes. I promise".

She said nothing, but a tear fell from her eye and he saw her hands shiver. "May I hold your hand?", he asked gently. She didn't immediately respond, but a moment later she held out her shaking hand. He clasped his warm hand around hers, the moonstones which never left him, now enclosed between their hands. She looked down in surprise feeling the coolness of the stones between their palms.  He shifted closed so they were touching, his body emanating the heat her cold body craved. He covered their clasped hands with his other hand, trying to hold on to as much of her as she would allow. She rested her head against his shoulder then, finally giving into that need to lean on him. The gesture made his heart burst and he leaned his head against hers.

There was so much to be said, the words that had left her would return with him. But not right now. Right now the silence spoke volumes.

Cont. in Part 2 (Chapter 26)