Erkenci Kuş One-Shots/Short-Stories #CanEm

24. One Year Later (ep39-40)

Picking up where ep 39 left off, and based on the previews we've seen of episode 40.

Can has been away at sea for almost 12 months, while Sanem has published her book and is hugely successful, but is only a shell of her former self.

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Can pulled into the harbor at Istanbul, a million thoughts racing through his head. He had been out in the open seas, traveling, free-lancing as a photographer, trying to run away from everything this city meant to him - with little luck. The final straw came when Aunt Remide sent him Sanem's book two weeks ago. He read it cover to cover in one sitting. Not stopping to eat or sleep. And then read in many times over after that, memorizing passages that hit him the hardest.

It was their story, and yet he was ashamed that he didn't even know parts of it. He could not begin to imagine how hard it must have been on Sanem, the web of lies and deceit that she was sucked into. The pain she experienced in her young life, her fierce loyalty against the odds, her fight to keep their love alive - she had lived through more anguish than many had experienced in a lifetime. Yes, she should have trusted him, but he should never have left, he should have stayed and fought for her, fought for their love. And he should have stayed for his family. He could not bear that thought of his poor father having to cope with the lose of the agency in addition to his failing health. But he was back, and he was here to fix it.

He docked the boat and stepped onto the pier, taking a moment to breathe in deeply. Home.

He walked the streets, without any real destination, but soon realized that he was returning to places he had visited with Sanem. Every street corner, every store, every restaurant brought back a memory he had shared with her. Her presence engulfed him, she was integral to what made Istanbul home for him.

He passed a bookstore they had visited often. It had a quaint cafe attached to it and as he passed by he imagined that he heard her voice speaking passages from her book. "I was his, he was mine, the whole world was him. He was in the sound of the waves...". Can could almost recite the words himself.  I'm was really losing it, he thought to himself, I'm hearing her voice in the streets. But then he heard the voice say "Fairytales don't happen in real life" , and that stopped him in his tracks. That line was not in the book! He turned slowly - wishing, hoping.

She had her back turned to him. He would recognize her form anywhere in the world. She sat slightly hunched over and her voice was quieter, he could hear the sadness in it. She was answering questions from the audience and he occasionally saw her wiping away tears. He felt overwhelmed. He was not prepared to see her like this, prepared for the effect their year apart had had on her. He took two steps towards her and then backed away. No, he needed to collect himself before he saw her, he needed to see her in private, not in front of her adoring fans - he owed her that. He turned and walked away.

Sanem stopped mid-sentence. That long lost sense of feeling Can's presence overtook her. She looked around her, half expecting to see him. And then shook her head to clear her thoughts, feeling shaken to the core. Ah Sanem ah, just talking about him is making you crazy. She had always trusted the sixth sense she had of his presence. Now that had failed her too.

After her book reading, she decided to walk to her favorite spot by the pier. She was there every evening, finding some semblance of peace in the crashing waves and noisy seagulls that drowned out her thoughts. Away from the concerned looks of friends and family, away from the expectant gazes of her readers, away from the city that was no longer her oyster.

Can finally found his way back to the dock. He had been walking for miles, trying to gather his thoughts. He had not yet made contact with his family. Yes, he wanted to see them, but he needed to speak to Sanem first, everything else would come after.

He walked towards his boat, and stopped dead his tracks when he saw a familiar figure on the dock. It couldn't be.... He walked slowly towards her and she turned to look at him. He was startled by the blankness in her eyes, the sorrow on her face. She barely registered his presence, but as he approached she snapped back into the present and rose and started walking purposefully towards land, studiously avoiding his gaze.

"Sanem", he called out as she passed him. She didn't seem to hear him at all. "Sanem", he called again, and then one more time, and this time she stopped. He walked slowly towards her and she turned to look at him, the hurt in her eyes breaking him and bringing tears to his own. He wanted nothing else but to comfort her, erase this hurt that was written all over her face. He reached out to grasp her hand and perhaps she leaned a little closer. He took ahold of her wrist, her pulse beating hard beneath his fingers reassuring him that this was indeed real, even as he realized that her wrist felt thinner. She pulled away then - her hands shaking, her mouth twisting in pain, "Why did you come? Why are you here?"

"For you", he replied, the tears spilling from his eyes, he moved closer reaching for her face, but she brought her hands up between them, in defense, and he felt his heart break. "Sanem"

"No, stop! I don't want to hear another word". She pound at his chest with all the force her frail form could muster. "Why did you come back, why??", she cried, her sobs racking her body.

Can, didn't stop her as she hit his chest - God knows he deserves this anger. But oh he wanted to hold her and never let her go, take away this pain that had crushed her spirit. He put his arms tentatively around her, and she collapsed into his chest. He buried his head in her hair, pulling her in. "Sanem, Askim, Bitanem, I'm so sorry. Please, please, forgive me." He was openly crying now.

Sanem  loud sobs shook her frame, she held on to his shirt to support herself, half afraid she would fall if she didn't, and half afraid he would disappear if she let go. But she had her moment of clarity and she shook her head and she found the strength to say "No, no, never again. Why did you come, Can? I was learning to live without you. Go away, please", she cried brokenly.

Can pulled back and took her hands from his chest and put them on the sides of his own face. He craved her touch, that feeling that filled his chest when she held his cheeks and scratched his beard. "Sanem if you ask me to go I will go, and you won't see me again", he said, his hot-headedness getting the better of him for a hot second, and calling back to their arguments in the past.

"Gitmek", she replied with resolve, trying to pull her hands out of his clasp. She couldn't bear another minute of touching him, wanting him - and not having him.

The Can Divit from a year ago would have walked away. He didn't stay where he was not wanted. But the Can who stood before Sanem now was a changed man. His pride, his principles, his very life, had no meaning without her by his side. He would fight for her this time, even if it took him the rest of his life.

"Sanem", he turned his face into her hand, his lips grazing her palm. "Please, let me stay, let me prove to you that I have changed, that we can fight together for our love. My life, this world, it has no meaning without you. I'm barely breathing without you. Lütfen Askim, let me stay", he begged, his voice breaking.

Sanem stood quietly in the circle of his arms, her eyes closed, her mind playing back the events of the worst year of her life. She knew she didn't have the power to resist him,  didn't want that power. She opened her eyes, and looked up at him, saw the love and anguish and resolve written on his face through her tears, and nodded slightly - "Stay"

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Note: in all the times they have said "If you ask me to stay, I'll stay. If you ask me to go, I'll go" , to each other, they have never once said stay. I wanted one of them to finally say Stay ❤️

~fin~