Inner Predator

Go Away, Chase

Chapter 23- Go Away, Chase

My eyes slowly blink open and shut immediately. Holy hell it’s bright. I groan as pain shoots through my skull. Suddenly someone is next to me, I don’t know who but I could guess. I don’t open my eyes because I’m not ready for that level of pain again.

            A deep whisper of a voice soothes me, confirming that the person by my side is Chase. His fingers comb through my short, hair and tenderly massage my head. My whole body relaxes at his touch, partially because he’s sending waves of calm through me and partially because it’s him that’s doing the touching.

            “Shh. It’s ok. You’re safe,” he says in a reassuring voice.

            “You’re here.” I speak as loud as my voice will allow, which isn’t very loud.

            “You’re surprised?”

            I am. I was leaving. More specifically, I was leaving him without a goodbye and without telling him where I was going or what I planned to do. I was abandoning him after he asked me not to. Betraying him. So yeah, I’m surprised he’s here.

            “What happened?” I squint open my eyes to look at him. His face is so close to mine our noses are nearly touching. His silver eyes are red rimmed and appear exhausted. I wonder what time it is and if he’s slept at all.

            “You don’t remember?”

            Mutely, I shake my head and try to recall the events of last night. With Chase blocking any pain I would otherwise be feeling, I’m able to focus. Memories yesterday flash through my mind like a silent movie.

            The ocean. My friends. Chase loves me. The day began so perfect.

            Then the party. The people. The chaos. The guns.

            Lily Anne.

            Silent tears start to stream down my cheeks and quickly turn into body shaking sobs. Chase stays quietly by my side. He doesn’t say anything, but he continues to comb his fingers through my hair. Occasionally he stops and attempts to wipe my tears away, but more quickly replace them.

            “I killed her,” I choke out.  “I killed her, I killed her.”

            “Rory. Aurora, look at me.” Chase’s hands are on my cheeks, forcing me to meet his gaze. With blurry vision, I do and wait for him to say whatever it is that he wants. His eyes are swimming with emotion: sorrow, regret, pain, relief, and love. Even after all I’ve done. Even though I’m a murderer. There’s still love in his eyes.

            “You did not kill Lily Anne. Do you understand me? You did not kill her.”

            I stare at him unable to form a response. I understand what he’s saying and I understand that I didn’t pull the trigger, nor did I force Lily Anne to jump in front of a gun. But none of this would have happened if it weren’t for me. If I didn’t exist. The gun was pointed at me. I was the target. I am the reason Lily Anne is dead.

            So yes, I killed her. Behind my closed eyelids all I can see is her lifeless, bloody body. I can see her eyes, dull and soulless and so completely unlike normal. My heart starts to pound and my chest tightens.

            “Go away, Chase,” the words slip off my tongue before I can stop them. He expression quickly morphs to shock and then hurt. His lips part, ready to speak but I cut him off. “Just… leave me alone. Please. Just go.” I reach out and try to push him back, but he doesn’t budge. “Just go.” I push him again, harder this time but he doesn’t move.  I feel like I can’t breath with him here. “I can’t- I can’t—just leave me alone.”