Inner Predator

Tomato-Tomahto

To say I'm unfocused for the rest of the week is a bit of an understatement. I can't concentrate on much aside from what I might be, despite the fact that everyone seems to think it's impossible.

I try to rationalize that Chase is wrong, but in the pit of my stomach I know he has a really good argument. 

My mom has ignored every phone call and email I've sent. And there have been tons. I filled up her voicemail asking... begging her to call me back but she never does.

I've been avoiding Chase, which is terribly difficult considering how small the university is and how many classes we share. I don't want whatever snapped inside me to snap again. The surest way to avoid going apocalyptic on Chase again is to stay away all together.

Which leads me to the conundrum I'm now facing. I need to see my mom, physically see her so that I can compel her in to telling me whatever the hell I need to know. But I don't have a car.

I can't exactly ask Jess to take me because she'll want to know why, understandably of course, but I'm not ready to tell her. I'm not ready to tell anyone until I know for sure and even then it's a toss up.

So I really only have one option. Chase.

He's sure to have some not so kind words to say to me. He's tried to corner me more than once the last few days. But I swallow my fear and dial his number; assuring myself I won't go berserk if we aren't even fighting.

Not an hour later I'm getting in his car and giving him directions to my childhood home. It's not until we've been driving on the highway for a few minutes and he pins me with a stare that could kill that I start to rethink how great an idea this was. My mom lives about three hours away.

"You've been avoiding me."

"I have." There's no point in denying it. "Watch the road please." I say when he doesn't look away from me.

"You're scared?" He phrases it like a question but I'm sure he already knows the truth considering he can sense emotions.

"Not of you."

He hums but doesn't respond for a couple minutes. I'm sure he understands what I'm scared of and since he can't assure me it's nothing to fear he wisely keeps his mouth shut.

Eventually he breaks the lengthy silence between us. "Your predator only takes control like that when you need something. Say I was to deprive myself of blood for a time, my predator would take over and I wouldn't be in control until my need was met. I would probably regain control after a few pints of blood as long as I hadn't been deprived too long. You felt you were in real danger," he gives me a pointed look,"You weren't by the way, but you perceived your life to be threatened and your predator took over until you felt safe and then you regained control." He pauses a moment, giving me time to interject before continuing. "You would not have killed me because you were able to immobilize me and your predator then knew I was a non-threat and took a step back."

"I wanted to kill you," I admit to him. I want him to understand why I'm scared to fight again and to do that, he needs to know what I was feeling. "Actually, really kill you. I wanted to bash your skull in. My body was begging me to."

"But you didn't."

"I wanted to," I shout out wanting him to understand. It wasn't just whatever took control, it was me. I wanted to kill him.

"Of course you did! I spent every training session beating you half to death and then I scared the shit out of you by threatening to drain every last drop of blood flowing through your veins. I would have fucking murdered anyone who beat me the way I have you. So of course you wanted to hurt me and your predator urged you on, but you didn't. You made that choice. You took control. I won't scare you like that again." He lets out a laugh, "believe me, I learned my fucking lesson."