Being With A Jock

Chapter 14

Apologies after apologies, repeating countless times to my ears. Getting repetitive in January. I get annoyed hearing "I'm sorry," or "I apologize for my actions," speeches everyday. They expect me to forgive them. I'm just not ready to forgive them just yet, no matter how many apologies they send my way.

Not only is receiving these countless inevitable apologies a problem, my car not revving up is a problem as well - first world problems right here. It's being idiotic with me right now. It's frustrating. This one car will give me grey hairs by the time I reach school because of stress. "Why you so stupid, car?"

I got startled by the knocking on my window which was rather loud for any normal knocking. Anthony is the one knocking, strange. I wind down the window to speak to him.

"May I help you?" I ask him.

"Notice you were having problems with your car, need a ride?" He offered to me as he placed both his hands on the corner of the roof of my car.

"Why would you give me a ride?" I question him.

"I want to be friendly," he says, "and you'll be late to school."

A ride with Anthony, Chance's ex boyfriend, what could possibly go wrong? Many possibilities can occur, but I won't focus on those possibilities. They might come true. In other words, I could jinx my safety with Anthony. I still thought about his offer for a brief moment before deciding whether to decline or accept. It was, indeed, a generous offer, but still, why would he just randomly ask me? Whatever, might as well accept.

"Sure," I say, as I climb out my car, taking my backpack from the passenger seat.

I follow Anthony down my driveway where his car is parked on the curve. He opens the door and I climb in, tossing my backpack to the back seats. He walks around to climb into the driver seat. Placing the car in drive, he starts to accelerate. Getting a ride to school from Anthony sounds like no fun at all.

Bare silence grazes the air between the both of us. Not a single sound came from our vocal chords, besides the breathing we make to sustain our lives. Just the way I like it, not talking to him. I mostly stare out the window. It’s the most peaceful thing to do right now, and feels nice actually. I press my head against it, feeling the coolness it gives off.

There were times that I would steal a glance at Anthony, just because I was still curious on how he just appeared like that without me noticing. His brown leather jacket was ruffled a bit with the collar neatly folded. The blue, sort of, worn out jeans he wore, somewhat matched with his jacket, alongside the grey muscle shirt he wore underneath.

Unfortunately, just as I thought silence was a privilege between us, he had to speak. "So, how long have you and Chance been single?" He asks me curiously, while taking a glance at me as I did at him.

I never thought of answering his question, didn't want to either. But as my parents said, "social interaction is key to keep away from depression" or at least it went something like that along those lines. "It's the half of January," I say, "so about two months and a half, I believe," I answer. Two months and a half of feelings developing immensely, to the point where I would risk my life to save Chance in any critical situation.

"Thinking about getting back together?" Another question he ask curiously. Why would he be interested in such a thing? Is he attempting to keep me away from Chance so he could get back together with him?

"Not sure," I say, "why?" I ask. "You want Chance back?" My theory could be correct.

"No, I'm over that now," he answers, "I'm with Shane. I'm just curious, that's all." Surely you are.

As we reached school, I notice Chance looking through Anthony's windshield, seeming puzzled at this situation. I climb out of his car after retrieving my backpack from the back seats of Anthony's car. "Thanks for the ride," I thank Anthony, and I continue to my first period class.

-

Alone on the bleachers during lunch, avoiding all drama to feel refreshed and relieved I'm not involved in any pointless arguments that occur between Andrew and Chance. Dumb idiots. It isn't a bad thing to be alone during lunch, it's quite peaceful when you breath in the fresh air that surrounds you. Besides, I'm working on an essay for English, so I definitely need the sweet peace and quiet for myself. I hope it'll remain this way for the rest of lunch.

Only reason I'm doing my essay now is because I failed to complete it for homework. My teacher, Mr. Pablo, said I won't fail the assignment if I hand it in by the end of the day. Which is why lunch is my only saviour at this moment. I strive to finish my essay before it's too late. I want to pass all my classes this semester.

Feels nice out here. The warm breeze heating up your face to the right amount of warmth, the fresh air - I stated before - to breath in the sweet naturalism of today - that made sense, right? Nothing should ruin my perfect day today, it would of been absolutely perfect if I was still with Chance, but I can't let the fact that we're over haunt me during peaceful moments.

Instead, I will admit that this essay homework isn't that all easy to complete. Rather difficult for me. Would have been a bit faster to type the whole thing, but unfortunately for me, my house is far and will take awhile to reach there by walking. Only reason I don't go to the library is because it's packed already. Tried to get in at the beginning of lunch. Won't know for sure if a computer will be available.

On top of it all, we have exam week coming up, which will cram into everything else that stresses me. More stress, less peace. I'll never get any rest, and before you ask, it's semester one exams. Just clarifying things up if you didn't know, but you probably did.

Stupid essay work. So complex, figuratively. That makes sense, right? I'm not even sure what makes sense right now. I'm not understanding much, but that doesn't mean I'm failing school, because I'm not. Hopefully I'm not. Everything should solve itself with simplicity. By that, I mean all the drama.

"What are you doing here?" I turn my head to where I heard a voice ask me. Anthony comes to sit next to me on the bleacher. Surprising to see him here.

"Just doing a stupid essay for English," I say. Stupid complex essay.

"Cool," he says. He's hesitant to ask something. I can tell by his parted lips slightly stuttering. "Um. . . do you love Chance?" That was an unexpected question I never thought he'd ask me.

"Why do you ask?" I ask him.

"Because," he begins, "you should keep him close by." An ex boyfriend of my ex boyfriend tells me to keep close with his ex boyfriend who is my ex boyfriend. Wow, peculiar things have happened.

"Well," I begin, "I do love him, but he doesn't love me back. Just cares like any other friend would. Don't think we'll get back together," I explain.

It's true, unfortunately. Chance doesn't love me back, he hasn't shared anything with me that proves he loves me, just repeatedly apologizing awaiting for my full forgiveness, I should give up all hope of us ever getting back together. Maybe we weren't meant to be. Maybe it was a sign that Chance wasn’t the guy I should be in a relationship with, and told me there is someone else.

"I'm sure he does. I may not know, but I'm just saying," he claims. "He could love you, he is shy and takes awhile for him to confess his feelings."

Chance, shy? Never. "You and I both know Chance isn't the shy type," I say.

"For your amazement, when Chance was with me, he was a very shy kid. Believe me." Should I believe Anthony? Impossible for Chance to be shy, but Anthony has known him longer than me.

"Why the sudden change in personality?" I ask on something that crossed my mind.

"I don't know really. As far as I can tell you, I've been a real bitch in the past. Emotionally hurting Chance, being a bully to others inferior to me, and being a player which is the worst thing a boyfriend or girlfriend can be," he explains as he just stared off onto the field. "I'm not proud of it. Plus, something happened, So I decided to change for the better," he states sincerely.

Not sure if the words spoken through his voice were true, or a deceiving lie to manipulate me. He could easily trick me into believing he’s the sweet nice guy, just like Chance pulled and confessed when he was horny. Either way, I should go along with it and see where it leads. If it leads anywhere in a deep dark hole, call 911. Thanks.

"Oh," I say. "Well, hope you don't change for the worse."

"Yeah," he pauses for a brief moment, "need any help?" He asks me.

Skeptical about his help, but it gets my work done faster, then I shall accept his help. "Sure."

Agreeing for his help on my essay, I realized that he could demolish my hard work, making my essay sound horrendous to ever read. But it's a chance I'm willing to take. I just want to get this essay over with and to not get a zero for it because it was incomplete.

He scoots closer to me to give me a helpful hand with my essay. Quite frankly, he is genuinely smart in English. A grade A student in fact, only in English and Science. I know these facts because he just told me. In other classes, he's just average smart. He's no smart-ass Chance, but he’ll do just fine.

Every minute taken for me to complete my essay work before lunch ends, I slowly learn more about Anthony. He's a really great guy, despite him being a jackass before, and is sincerely sorry for his actions that occurred in the past. I discover what his true personality is like. Feels like I can trust him, and he can trust me. He really has changed - from what I heard of his past.

By the time it's past halfway through lunch, we were already done with my essay. Cannot believe it was easier than I thought. Well, when you have an intelligent person in English to help you out, it makes life easier for the rest of us average idiots.

For the rest of lunch, we spent it together learning more interesting facts about each other while still remaining on the bleachers. Sharing humorous moments, sad stories in our lives, and relatable facts the we have in common. He did the first move by confessing a secret only Shane and Chance. If he feels comfortable to share a secret only two people in his entire life know, then I can trust him enough to share a secret only Tori and Chance know.

To be honest, he can be really sensitive towards things such as social issues, especially sexuality issues that goes on in society, and how being gay is a sin whereas people get bullied because their part of the LGBT community. Not only is he sensitive, he is also humorous, cute and smart, but still isn't my type, Chance is. To my shock, he even shared love advice for my love life, and to not make the same mistakes he made with Chance. He feels as if Chance and I are meant to be. That I'm the guy Chance needs for him to be himself.

Anthony took the time to explain what went wrong in his relationship with Chance and what he did to him. Quite frankly, I was utterly shocked at what I heard. It sounded similar to the day Chance and I broke up. Can't imagine how it must of felt for Chance, but Anthony doesn't want Chance to relive it again. Helpful as Anthony is, he knows how to give faithful advice on love.

If Chance really is shy, how long will it take for him to confess his feelings for me? My moods about Chance vary frequently, so I'm never stuck on just one. Why is the complexity of everything left to resolve in slow time? Understand what I meant? I'm not sure if I understood what I said.

So incoherent. Everything.

The bells rings, indicating lunch is over. I gather my things in my bag, since I never bothered to put them away after my essay was complete, and dash to my English class to hand in my essay. No failing this assignment. Afterwards, I went straight to my fourth period class before I was late.

-

Exams, exams, exams. The stress of studying constantly, the complexity to know everything, the hard work taken to surpass an exam is finally over with. To be honest, it was the most incoherent stressful thing that can ever occur in my life that I had to overcome. Nobody looked forward to exams, but we all had to take them in order to graduate this year. You do not want to be left behind to repeat the 12th grade, and not eligible for prom.

Worked so hard, studied my ass off - mostly with Anthony, and Tori, but on different days. Tori is still trying to accept my close friendship with Anthony. She was puzzled the first time I told her, them more shocked when she saw us hanging together at lunch. I believe she's going to not be shocked anymore, or hate Anthony for what he did to her brother.

As for Chance, he wasn't pleased one bit. He disapproved of my friendship with Anthony, even though he never said it directly to my face. Same, somewhat, goes for Andrew as well.

But it isn't like me hanging out with Anthony more often ruins anything between him and Shame, or me and Tori. At first, I did believe Shame despised me for hanging closely with his boyfriend, but he was accepting. Some of days Anthony and I hanged out, Shame joined, and sometimes I would bring Tori along.

What I'm more scared of is a feud between Chance, Andrew, and Anthony all together. It's not like Anthony will gain feelings for me, but it's the fact that Chance will attempt to make Anthony stay away from me. If ever, Anthony does gain feelings for me, like Andrew did, it's World War Three, and I'll be in the middle of the battle.

Any who, it's time to move out of semester one and forward to semester two that begins the first day of February. My final courses I took will be in this last semester. Can't wait to meet new people, hopefully I won't be shy to make friends. I want to make friends. Social Interaction. That reminds me, February is the month of not only Black History Month, but Valentines Day. Admitting that I do love Valentines Day, it'll be another day of loneliness for me. Once again, I'll be left without a boyfriend. Sucks for me. Usually, Tori and I would spend it together since she didn't have a boyfriend either, but now she has Chris, I'm forever alone.

Watch me be lonely on Valentines Day. All the couples are going to flaunt their everlasting love in my faces, while I have no one to love - except my family, and Chance, but we're not together. Sigh.