Missed My Chance

Epilogue

I am my very own ticking time bomb.

It is as simple as that. Yet, I have the willpower to choose. Choose went I want to 'go off'.

A few years back I did not quite understand what that little statement meant. Time has carried itself away with me. Wrapped itself around and and brought me to the place I now stand.  I sure know what that statement entails now; it is just a matter of self control. In those years of absolute hardship I realise now that I had no sense of control. I was purely dependant on other people to handle my agonies. It is one of the main reasons as to why I no longer have contact with them.

All statements aside about the contradiction I am about to impose: I have to say, those years of me drowning in a pit of sorrow were somewhat a miracle of such. Obviously not that time period but the challenges faced which led me to the miracle. 

Who is to say if things went differently and I hadn't volunteered for Primrose, that my life would not turn out as blissfully happy as it is now? That is exactly why, when I look back at that depressive point in my life I see it now with an open mind. It was an opportunity. An opportunity for growth. I was still a child back then.

I may know my life is far from as perfect as it can be but I am the most grateful for what I have and what I have achieved. I am happy. What else matters other than that? Of course it took grief to get to the good and loosing those I love, my only regrets. I was truly convinced that I had reached my maximum amount of bliss, but, it exceeds more and more as each day passes. Each day that I wake up and admire my husbands face.

We wed a year and half after we both popped the question and have not looked back. It was a simple occasion, it was not a public event. I wore a simple white sundress and he wore a T-shirt with some washed out jeans. No big ceremony, no film crews and no cameras for the enjoyment of others. 

The only camera we has was a small recorder that Haymitch held. As for guests, they weren't any. The intimate toasting followed, unrecorded and simply traditional between Peeta and I. The world was shocked to find out we were married. We told the then three months after the significant event,

Haymitch of course, in his true fashion sent the video of our ceremony to our close and most trusted friends; the remaining victors and Rue's surviving family. Life was finally normal, or as normal as it could be. As normal as it has ever felt and with the new title of husband and wife, we grew closer that ever thought possible.

Right now, at this very moment as I look into wide, gazing crystal eyes I reflect on the years that haunted me. It is moments shared between a simple gaze is when I realise that I never had missed my chance. My life had been designed as an obstacle course and all I was employed to do was tackle them head on. There was no easy way to get over the obstacles and the times I ran from them proved to bring more.

All those painful years of heartbreak and mental wellbeing being crushed was my chance. It was my chance without me having any notion of it. I took it and it has taken me on a journey leading to where I am........

In the hospital.

Yes, you heard that correctly. This time it was not for a coma or injury; a regular occurrence from my past where I was troubled. I am trapped in the confides of a hospital all because at three O'clock this morning I was jolted awake with an indescribable pain in my loins.

I gave birth just over an hour ago. Six hours trapped in a blissful pain, nothing I had ever experienced, nothing I would wish on anyone yet a pain I would never regret. I have not taken my eyes off my child since, her crystal blue eyes are mesmerising.

"You did well Katniss." Peeta says in awe looking down at the now sleeping bundle in my arms.

"We have to call the others and tell them." I say quietly.