Katniss' POV:
A muggy day it turns out to be with scattered grey clouds that look like tiny speckles of dust falling from a fresh dusted cabinet. I walk up the dirt path to an old and as it seems abandoned ranch. I payed the cab driver the amount I was charged before I started walking. The farm is filled with many beautiful citrus trees that smell divine. Oh how much I really want to sink my teeth into the big, juicy orange hanging above my head and as if on cue the tree lets it loose due to its weight making it fall into my small carry on bag.
I don't even bother taking it out of my bag and eating it now as I think it's pointless right now, I'll save it for later when I find a hotel to stay in well maybe just sleep in. I continue to walk up the dirt path that turns into a cracked cobblestone path making it less messy to walk on but harder for me to keep my balance on.
In the distance I see the bunch of small cottages I was looking for. Apparently Rue has a big family or what's left of it so instead of all of them investing all their money into their own small ranch. They joined up their savings and bought a big one instead so they could each have a house or cottage on it and be local with each other, united like a family. A family I've never had nor experienced.
I would of love to have that with my family but it's not really big at the moment or ever because it has always just consisted of Dad, Mum, Prim and I but now it's just me and my mother, well me since she lives in a far away district happy to get away from me. I always thought that one day Peeta and I will just be each others family then I remembered that Peeta has always wanted children and I can't give him that.
Maybe that's the reason he found someone else, it's got to be if not then why did he want to leave me? I was too lucky to even have him as my own for those shorts months. I totally don't know what he saw in me because I'm not pretty with blonde hair and blue eyes like the merchant girls are. I've go dark brown raven hair with patchy olive skin from the skin grafting when I got burned.
Peeta has beautiful crystal blue eyes and what do I have? Dull grey seam eyes that have the resemblance to the colour of sharp rocks. I'm strictly boring and he is lively, full of life and full of wonder and curiosity. I could never compete with any girl when it comes to him. Especially Delly, now that she's moved back into twelve.
Haymitch was totally and completely right, 'I could live a thousand lifetimes and still not deserve him.' Sometimes I wish I was different, more pretty, lively, quiet, cute and beautiful like the merchant girls but I have to accept that I'm not anything like those girls. It's hard, hard I tell you to wish to be something you're not and can never fully accept it.
I have all these battle scars that I try to keep hidden. They are scary, not to just the people around me but to myself. I'm afraid of my own body! Sometimes I wonder why I ever brought out those berries in my first games. I always told myself it was for both me and Peeta go get out of there and nothing else but I truly know deep down the reason being I loved him.
I didn't just fall in love with him in the arena, I fell in love with him in our homeland. District twelve the day he threw those two perfectly shaped burnt bread. I never acknowledged that feeling that over came me when he threw them to me but over time I learnt that, that feeling I felt was love. I was young when I fell in love with him but not as young as he fell for me.
There's always a conspiracy theory to when you fall in love there's a way to fall out and I believe it know because as I guess Peeta took that route to fall out of love with me and fall into love with another, prettier woman who can give him what he has wanted his whole life and what I can't give him, children, marriage even though I had no doubt that I wanted to marry him someday.
No one can really win when it comes to another person because every person has their own flaws which in my case in full if flaws but the longer the person spends time with you the more they notice the cracks where faults have formed. I have faulty cracks covering me head to toe mentally and physically since I am scarred from the terrible war that took place not too long ago. I don't think at all that I have one perfect thing about me.
As I'm wallowing in my own misery I don't even realize I've reached the small little village filled with just Rue's family. I don't know which one is her old home but I guess I'm going to have to knock on one and find out so I begin to walk to the first cottage that I find. It's painted green, my favourite color and has a dirty tin roof spotted with bird or mockingjay poo. There's a porch wrapped around the house as it seems with steps leading up to it.
In front of the porch lays a few small garden beds with flowers of all kinds randomly sprayed to create an individual effect which makes it aesthetically pleasing. As I take more look at the flowers I notice rue herbs, evening primroses in which my passed on sister was named after and katniss root flowers that have and arrowhead on each of the leaves. I find it ironic that the plant I'm named after looks like and arrow and I'm handy with using one, I guess my dad just knew I would be his little huntress.
Looking at the evening primroses brings back so many mixed emotions, good and bad. Good because of the memories we had shared together.Bad because the memories of her death, how her life was cut too short for such a sweet little girl and lastly her face when she was reaped and I saved her was truly heartbreaking, but I can't think of this anymore so I push it to the back of my mind because right now I'm here for a purpose. To give my gratitude to Rue's entire family.
Walk up the creaky, paint chipped wooden stairs while I am holding the splinter filled railing as support because my fast legs feel like jelly that may collapse at any moment now. I knock hastily on the door as there is no doorbell and wait for anyone to answer it. I begin to feel doubtful for coming here until I'm reassured with the footsteps reaching the front door followed by and 'I will get it.'
When that person answers the door to me and I'm blown off my feet because the little person standing there looks like an exact replica to what Rue looked like when she was still living in this terrible world.
"Ummmm hi!" The little girl says cutely while looking at me somewhat confusingly.
"Hello I'm Katniss Everdeen and I'm here to speak with your parents." I say confidently to disguise my shaky speech.
"Yes I'll go get my mummy because daddy's not here, he's at work in the orchards." She replies walking away to get her mother leaving me at the door while I'm standing in the door awkwardly shifting my weight between my legs.
"Mummy someone's here at the door for you!" She screams from inside the house.
"Who is it sweetie?" Her mother says also from inside the house/cottage.
"Katiss Enerden!" She says, saying my name wrong but I don't really mind since she's like at the age of five/six.
Once her mum comes to greet me at the door she immediately double takes and gasps while she starts tearing up. I feel so bad coming over here now, that I brought back unwanted memories of their deceased daughter but what this lady does next ultimately surprises me. She hugs me completely catching me off guard but after recovering from the shock I hug her back in a comforting manner. So I'm guessing this is Rue's old home and her mother since she also looks like a photocopied version of Rue.
"Thank you, for saving her as best as you could!" She states respectively keeping eye contact.
"She is the one who should of survived not me! Rue was too young and so gentle, like my sister Prim who should have also lived instead of me and my selfish deeds!" I replied back truthfully with fresh tears springing into my eyes threatening to pour over into a sea of tears.
That's when Rue's mother invites me inside her home and we start grieving over the loss of poor Rue and my sister, Prim.
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Missed My Chance
Fanfiction(After Mockingjay!) Katniss' hardship never ceases to amaze everyone. Who would of thought that the worst was yet to come from someone she loves? When you turn down one path that is life you must continue to walk that way until you reach the end. It...
