Missed My Chance

Chapter 29

Peeta's POV

What was that, just happened? I can't believe it because I was starting to think she was dead. She was here in district twelve and at my bakery but of course my girlfriend ruined the small chance I had at talking to the girl I love. If only I had another chance to speak to her, perhaps when I get home I'll visit her. Wait no I can't I'm going out with my girlfriend, to dinner.

"Peeta?!" My girlfriend yells unsure.

"I'm sorry.....What did you say?" I ask nervously.

"I said baby! What shall I wear to our date tonight?"

"Ummmmm I don't really know, maybe just a plain casual dress. Whatever you want I guess." I say causally.

"Okay baby see you tonight, love you bye!" She says attempting to kiss me but I quickly dodge it like every other time.

Yes it's true I've never kissed her, no one except Katniss. I know that's not healthy for Marcy and I's relationship but I can't bring myself to do so. I'm trying, trying so hard to fall in love with her but with Katniss just visiting me out of the blue, has diminished the little amount of love I actually had developed for her. I can tell in Marcy's eyes that she's a jealous person and after seeing Katniss I realize that, is really the case.

"Goodbye Marcy!" I say delayed and all she does is look at me funny while waving slyly and strolling out of my bakery in her sky high heels.

Yep she is nothing like Katniss that's for sure.

I after standing at the counter for twenty minutes drifting in and out of my daze, I finally come to my senses telling myself I need to get home to have a shower so I can prepare myself for the date tonight. It's not really a date more like date night which we have every Friday since the day she asked me out and I accepted. So packing up and locking everything I leave my bakery will my mind wondering on about Katniss.

Once I reach my house in the victors village I contemplate quickly visiting Katniss now. So much so that I reach her doorstep about to knock. My hand is a fraction of a second close to knocking on her door when I pull back graced full with cowardice. I can't do it. I have a girlfriend, I silently remind myself. I have to move on and to move on I need space. Space and time that has to be spent away from Katniss. I need to fully comit to my girfriend and with Katniss' appearance I'm not so sure I can do that, and thats exactly why I need space away from her.

I have had over three years of time and space away from her isn't that enough, right? I care about her I really do and by her I mean Marcy. I don't think I will be able to cope with Katniss and Marcy here at the same time knowing fully well that I love Katniss. I don't want to hurt Marcy becuase she is such a nice, kind and wonder girl, but she is not for me and I can't believe I didn't know this earlier.

Katniss is for me and I've been denying that ever since she left me at that train station those long three years ago. I need Katniss, I need her. She is my rock and keeps me grounded. Hell I basically fell apart when she left, it's a wonder how I've coped and kept myself grounded these years. Something still roams in my mind and I tell myself not to think about it but I just can't stay away from that specific topic.

How did Katniss cope without me? Was she as destressed and torn apart as me? Or did she cope very well with it becuase she seemed like she was put together? Did she have someone to comfort her? A man to comfort her? A bofriend? A fiancé? Husband? Affair?

Ok stop it Peeta? I told myself not to think those thoughts and yet I do exactly the opposite. I would crash down to the floor if I find out that she only came to visit me to say she has a husband or soon to be husband. Why would I crash down to the floor though? I have got Marcy by my side, and Haymitch. If she had a husband why would she run out of my bakery after seeing Marcy and not saying a single word? Maybe she doesn't considering my judgement is completely wrong for tricking my brain into thinking she was dead.

I can't do anything right can I? I will try to do right by Marcy though and I know I can't just string her along knowing that I love Katniss. I need to make a decision: leave Marcy and spend more time with Katniss or just forget about Katniss and will myself to love Marcy. Either decision will end up being a disaster since Marcy is the jealous angry type and not seeing Katniss will basically send me to the grave.

I have made my decision.

I dress in a cotton button down shirt with dark washed jeans looking at myself in the mirror making sure I look presentable enough. I slick my blond hair back to reveal my face and those little brown dots along my nose a forehead. After spraying deodorant I pick up my wallet and leave the house to make my way to Marcy's.

She lives alone and that must be why she spends a lot of time with me. She's kind of clingy but I have no right to say that since my old girlfriend was really distant yet welcoming when she warms up to you, Katniss. Why can't I stop thinking about her, I'm going crazy, I need help but before I know it myself I knock on the door and Marcy appears in the doorway with a simple red dress that is very conservative.

"Hi babe!" She coos after hugging me whipping her strong perfume all over me.

"Hey Marcy, ready?" I ask politely.

"Well dar if I'm outside my door and walking with you!" She laughs lightly.

We start walking alone the cobblestone pathway with me occasionally kicking small pebbles onto the empty road. Katniss would you get out of my head. We walk along the fence separating the meadow from the district. Katniss loves the meadow. I think to myself. Get out of my head. Get out of my head Katniss. Marcy is here and she is perfect, everything I need. Everything I need I repeat to myself. Just not Katniss. Fuck. We walk in a comfortable silence until we come upon the huge water fountain in the middle of the towns square. I guide Marcy to sit on the stone chipped edge in which she does sit down.

"You know this is like my most favourite place in the world right?" She admits but I can't help but feel like it's a trick question.

"Yeah, yeah I know so how's work?" I ask knowing that she's a primary school teacher.

"It very good until the kids start telling you off why ask?"

She retorts as I look around at the surroundings only noticing two other people near the water feature. There's one man in a business suit sitting on the part bench a feeding the birds seeds and a girl wearing a red coat sitting on the water features opposite edge with her hands in the cool water, back faced away from me.

"I don't know I was just asking becau........" I stop mid sentence realizing what I have to do.

"Why did you stop baby?" She asks innocently but curiously.

"Can I ask you something?" I ask nervously.

"Yeah anything baby!" She exclaims dramatically.

"Will you marry me!" I say as I drop on one knee.

Her face is expressionless, I can't see what she's thinking. I'm growing even more nervous now, more nervous than I have ever become, except the hunger games and rebellion of course. I've never really asked a girl to marry me, except Katniss but I know that, that was just for show. Marcy starts smiling and moves her lips to say something but it's like she can't for a sentence until,

"Peeta I......." She starts,

"What?!"

I hear someone question behind me and it was none other than the girl wearing the red coat, Katniss. I have really missed my chance now!