Ice To Meet You

Do I have to paint you a pitcher?

My throat is perched and my head is pounding... I open my eyes and shut them again. I turn on the side and go back to sleep.
I open my eyes and I feel like somebody is hitting my head with a hammer — and oh shit — my stomach is churning. I feel — I know this feeling all too well. I sprint to the bathroom and empty my stomach out.
Thank God the calories are out of me! 

I try to get up but my head feels dizzy, and the room starts spinning. I sit back down on the floor and last night is slowly coming back to me... I was on the hot tub... I called Liam... no scratch that, Liam called me... I texted him... I took a few shots of I have no idea what and blank. 

Black until right now. 
How did I make it back to the apartment? I look around and I am wearing a blue hoodie that isn't mine — what happened? Whose hoodie is this?
"What did you do last night Mia?" Inner voice asks me.
"Who did you do Mia?" Inner bitch asks me.
I have no answers for them. 

I walk to the kitchen to get some water. Of course, the Brita is empty. I refill the Brita and wait for the water to filter through... just like I wait for my memory to come back.
I stare at the drops of water passing through the filter and wait for my brain to give me something — anything. If I had more energy, I would freak out but my head is blank and I can barely keep my eyes open.
The water is filtered and I pour myself a glass. My stomach growls — you don't deserve food right now! I am lightheaded — maybe I should grab a protein bar.
"Did you run as you said you would?" Inner bitch asks me.
"I'll go for a run after I eat the protein bar," I tell her.
"You always say that!" She reminds me. I know I do — I am a fuck up. She's so much LOUDER when I feel unsure of myself. It's like she knows when I feel my most vulnerable and chooses those moments to voice her opinions on the microphone.
"Please? I promise I will run," I plead my case
"You will become fat again and loss control of your life and no one will like you and you will die alone in an apartment with an empty box of cookies," she reminds me of my greatest fears.
I try to move but my vision is getting blurry.
"Eat it Mia, ignore her, or you'll be back in the hospital," inner voice gently tells me, taking my side

Inner bitch 0, Mia 1. 

I open the camel color wooden cabinet on top of the stove and grab a protein bar.
"Only because we don't want to get mom worried again," inner bitch gives in and justifies eating the protein bar.
I bite into it and my stomach turns. I can still taste the alcohol in my mouths. The low-fat oatmeal raisin protein bar tastes bitter and rancid. It has 120 calories and if I can get a 30-minute run in today — I should be fine. I would have earned it.
I am not allowed any milk in my coffee and of course no breakfast.
What is the time? Where is my phone?
I walk back to the bedroom and it's 5:30 a.m. Thank God I am not late for work. I have time to go back to sleep.
"Or go for a long run," inner bitch interrupts my train of thoughts.
She's right — I should go for a run. I just don't have the energy for it.
"Stop trying to avoid reality Mia, find out what happened last night." Inner bitch reprimands me.
I should ask Hannah but it's too early to wake her up just yet. Should I call Liam? My instincts tell me he came over last night or was it a dream?
"Your instincts also told you that your crush in high school liked you, but did he?" Inner bitch reminds me. She's right — I should just wake Hannah up. I go to her room and she's sound asleep. I go and lay down next to her. Nothing happened — do what you do best — ignore reality.
"So, what happened last night?" Hannah asks me. Is she reading from my script now?
"I don't fucking remember... I woke up in a hoodie I don't recognize and with no panties on."
"This is Kent's hoodie, he was wearing it last night," Hannah tells me and oh God — did I sleep with him? I don't feel any different but how different are you supposed to feel?
"Do you feel any different after sex?" I can't help but reveal my horror. It's not that I don't want to lose my virginity to Liam — it's that I don't want to lose it and not remember the experience.
"Did you have sex?"
Oh God — how do I tell her that I don't remember anything from last night.
"I am not sure."
"How can you not be sure of that?" Wow — for Hannah to judge me for casually sleeping around is a day I never thought would exist.
"And he probably left because you weren't interesting enough to wake up with," inner bitch points out a fact I hadn't realized yet.
"Mia! Think hard," Han shakes my shoulder and all I remember from last night are some yuck shots and this blonde guy and — I remember smelling Liam. My head against his throat ... the feeling of ants crawling all over my body ... I remember that but I can't remember anything else. Maybe it will just come back to me slowly throughout the day.
I've never blacked out before.
"I don't remember anything."
"Call him and ask him," Han suggests and I could but what kind of person doesn't remember things like this? He is going to judge me so bad for not remembering our night.
"If you did something," inner voice yawns as she wakes from her slumber.
There is a possibility I did not do anything.
"What's the time?" I ask Han. Where is my phone? I need to be less forgetful about it.
"7:28. It's a good time to call him!" She is climbing out of the bed and taking out her toiletry bag. She's so squeaky clean and organized — it's downright astonishing.
I try to get up but my head spins. I shit my eyes in agony and lay back down.
"Get the fuck up Mia! You will be late for work!!!" Han yells at me and I wasn't sleeping... I was just resting my eyes. I yawn out of her bed — ignoring the piercing pain I feel everywhere.
It's whatever.
I put on my black formal overalls and a white shirt underneath. My stomach growls and I ignore it — I can't afford to eat after the night I've had. I need to enforce certain rules in my life. One of them being no breakfast. Maybe I should start intermittent fasting again. Since I am planning to walk half the way and take the subway for the other half — I take out on my red sneakers and carry my black heels in my bag. Now I understand why people carry such big bags in New York — it totally makes sense.
"You were supposed to run!" Inner bitch reminds me and I roll my eyes at her. Can she see it? I sure as hell hope so. I feel like shit; can she not give me a break for once?
Hannah is ready in her pink skirt and pink shirt and some funky scarf that is shaped in a bow. How does she look so cute and where does she get the energy to do her makeup? All I put on is some moisturizer and pray for the best. I'll put some mascara and lip balm in the subway. I can't manage to do anything else.
"Your hair is a mess," Han reminds me. Jeez, thanks. I know it's a mess — which is why I have it pulled up in a bun on top of my head.
"Come here and sit" she signals for me to sit on the couch. I really don't want to waste time but what if I see Liam again tonight?
"Stop your wishful thinking Mia!" Inner bitch grounds me back to reality.
Hannah braids my hair in fishtail thing and although it makes my headache slightly worse — it's better than looking sloppy at work. I work at my dream magazine — I can't be looking like a hobo walking in the doors. I want to text Liam so bad — the curiosity is killing this cat.
I text him "Hi!" I look again at the phone and since I promised myself I won't be the girl who keeps the rest of her life on hold for a guy — I march out of the house and blast Halsey on my Beats headphones. I board the subway and still no reply from him, I was just changing the music down and I happened to see that I don't have a text from him — it's not like I care.
I am finally at my subway stop and I have network back on my phone. I still don't have a text from him.
Maybe he's busy.
"Or he doesn't care," inner bitch remarks.
"You look like you got hit by a car," Emily comments and I roll my eyes at her.
"I feel like shit too." I reply. I make myself some coffee and my second article is going for publishing. Yippee!
I have to finish an article by today and caption 4 Instagram pictures and Facebook live an event in the evening. I am excited for the distraction.
"Since when did work become a distraction?" Inner voice asks me and she has a valid point. I am young and I have dreams to fulfill and goals to reach.
Since it's going to be the weekend soon — the work load isn't intensive but is more social media based. Which I can't wait to take on!
I finally manage to write my article and caption my pictures before lunch. Trying to block what I can't remember anyway is going great, mom would be proud.
I have earned myself an apple, I go to the pantry and grab myself one. This office has free food and beverages. Work is awesome.
My phone buzzes and its him!
"Can I have my hoodie back?" He asks me and I want to apologize for last night and ask him 848338 questions and find out what happened. But I also don't want him to think I am desperate and holding my phone in my hand waiting for a text from him. I'll reply after 15 minutes — that's fair!
I scroll through Instagram and I can't wait... it's okay if he thinks I am clingy because I am, what are you going to do about it? I can't do this hard to get bullsh*t—I am easy for him and isn't that sexy too? If I knew somebody wanted me as much as I want him—I would automatically get even more attracted to them.
"No." I reply. Notice the period? It's non-negotiable. I want to wear that hoodie and cuddle myself to sleep every night.
"Stop being such a pathetic little female Mia," inner bitch reprimands me.
He doesn't reply for the next five minutes and I double text him. In my millennial world — I am already on a thin line. I hate the whole act cool and be unattached bullshit
I have strong, deep feelings dammit!
"Can I take you out for dinner today?" I text him.
If this is too forward for him then maybe he can have his hoodie back. Enough of me seeing him on his terms and him making all the plans. If he does say yes — where am I taking him though?
"You mean can I take you out for dessert tonight?" He immediately replies.
"Because you're a guy?" I text back. If he's misogynistic then at least there will be something I am turned off in him about.
"Mia you've been in NYC for less than a minute and I have plans for dinner," he replies and okay he has a point — but I can't concede. I am too far gone now.
"If you're busy, I understand." Please don't be busy.
"I have plans for a late dinner but we can get some ice cream later."
Oh... is it with Sophia?
"You're just a friend Mia — act like one." Inner bitch reminds me. Act cool — okay got it.
"Sure, text me when you get free. What happened last night?" My stomach will start to hurt if I don't voice the one question echoing in my mind since I opened my eyes today morning. 

"What do you think happened Mia?" he texts back.

I think we did not fuck. I am sure I would remember something like this with someone like him.

"We fucked," I text knowing I am playing with him. I just don't want us to stop texting—ever. I want to spend every moment of my waking moment with him.

"Yup we did and I am sure you remember all of it." He replies and he's playing with me. I know—I just do. Last night is slowly coming back to me.

"Nah but then again you were such a doozy, I might have fallen asleep while you were fucking me," I text back and crack up. Emily looks at me and she wants to know what's funny. I wish I could tell her but then again, she won't get it. I hate it when something is just funny in my head but when I try to explain it—even in my head because everything usually happens in my head—the other person doesn't laugh.

"How many guys have you fallen asleep on like that?" he texts.

"I've lost count after 10," I text back.

"So, you're pretty comfortable with sex then?" Liam texts me.

"Of course!" I text back.

"You are going to get us in a hole Mia," inner voice comments and I don't know how to come back from this. I already said I wasn't a virgin—now I can't say I am—right?

"Be ready tonight then." He texts me.

FUCK!

Authors Notes 

Sorry for not updating yesterday, I'll give you guys a double update today! Hope you guys are warm and snuggled in your blankets. Thank you for loving Liam's POV. The story is heating up and I hope that any of my readers that do/did suffer from an eating disorder are not triggered. I am just trying to explain how it feels and if you or someone you love needs help, please get it. If my writing is making it worse, I apologize. 

Please stop reading my work if you are uncomfortable with adult content or content with eating disorder triggers you, I understand and my story is not for you but I will not stop going in depth about it. I love you guys so much! We are almost at 8K!!! Thank you for all the support.