Underscore | h.s. au

ten.

Underscore.

Because you're an Underscore.

Because you're not good enough.

Because you'll never be good enough.

No matter where you run.

My thoughts were at it once again, tearing me limb-from-limb. The worst part is I didn't want them to stop. I wanted to be torn apart, I wanted to be nothing. My breath caught in my throat and I leaned over spitting onto the ground. Maybe I should just choke on my spit, or vomit if I ran fast enough. I hated the true almost as much as myself. I shook my head, my hands on my knees as I bent over.

I had no idea where I was in the world anymore, I just knew that I was lost. Harry wouldn't even tell me what state we're in, and if Liam hadn't told me that I was headed to America I would literally have no idea where to go.

As soon as those damned words slipped from Harry's mouth I left. My phone was only half-charged, and for some stupid reason I thought it would be ringing off the hook. My dumb mind was hoping maybe Harry would give a shit about someone else, other than himself.

Of course I had no idea where the hell I was going, I just needed to run. I stood up again just as a car flew by me. They didn't bother to stop, just went speeding on, minding their own business. My legs felt like noodles as my steps slowed into a walk.

The vibrating of my phone mad me gasp for a second, but the caller I.D. showed it was Liam.

"Hey," I said clear into the phone, trying to sound as cheery as I could.

"You okay?" Liam's voice was full of static on the other end and there was background noise. For a second I wondered where he was exactly. Maybe his room during a Gathering? At the Market?

"Yeah," I took a deep breath, controlling my breathing. "Yeah."

"Doesn't sound like it," he countered, and more shuffling of papers were in the background.

"What's that?" My curiosity was getting the better if me again. Liam wouldn't get mad, right?

"Just some missing person files." Missing person files? Is that what they classified me as. Liam chuckled with me, and I imagined him stacking papers in his room, sitting in his room with the lamp over his desk illuminating the area. In the background I could hear the door open and Zayn's voice talking to Liam.

"Bye," Liam rushed to say, and I nodded even though I knew he couldn't see me as the line went dead. It was more important that him or I didn't get caught than a proper goodbye. My mind wondered what Zayn wanted to talk to Liam about.

I continued to walk between the grass and dirt on my left and the black tar to my right. I probably looked a bit crazy from afar, neck bent so I could stare at the ground and stepping back and forth between terrain in the middle of nowhere. Music playing in the distance caught my attention, my head flew up and I could barely make out a gas station in the distance. A few more steps and I looked back down, figuring I'd be there in good time.

Something was different about the ground this time though... It was brighter.

It took me a second to realize what was happening. Oh shit. Whatever was behind me was following me, and I had a feeling it was a car. My instincts broke out in a straight sprint, but the light didn't fade away like I'd hoped. Instead it grew brighter and. I heard the engine roar behind me.

Halfway to the gas station, I kept my pace up. Finally the engine reached its peak in noise level, and I started hyperventilating as my chest felt like it was going to explode right in front of me.

Just as the light had come, it was gone in a flash. My body swayed a bit from the momentum of the vehicle flying by me. I slowed to a walk, my chest moving up and down as I struggled to catch my breath. This was a stupid idea, an idea that was in the moment and not thought out.

The only good thing that came out of that whole ordeal was that I was closer to the gas station. I checked my phone to reveal one missed call from Liam and Harry. Screw Harry. I felt bad that I had missed Liam's call again but I needed to stay focused. If I'd picked up on the spot when he called me, Liam would know I wasn't at Harry's.

Ugh. I ran a hand through my snarled hair in an attempt to fix the mess, but failed miserably. My fingers just got stuck and mad even more curls than before. My phone rang again, but I ignored it once again. People were too difficult to deal with.

[]

My feet were definitely blistered and sore when I made my way up to the gas station. I had gotten numerous calls from Liam and Harry, but I didn't have the mindset to deal with either of them right now.

When I reached the front door, I noticed I wasn't the only person to be up and about this late at night. There was a Male searching for items that sat on racks and a Male more my age standing behind a counter.

When I swung the door open, a noisy and obnoxious tone rung out throughout the entire station. I cringed in anticipation for the Males to call security, but neither one even glanced an eye in my direction.

I cautiously made my way through the isles, overwhelmed by the colors and smells. There were all these different snacks, and I didn't understand most of the words on the labels either.

They all looked so good, but I didn't ant to raise concern for the Males, so I only grabbed a few items that read fat free and zero calories. They sounded like healthy options for Females, nothing new for the Male behind the counter, correct?

I walked up the line that had started from the older Male getting his stuff.

"That'll be two-ninteen," The younger Male said as he grabbed the green paper that the older one handed to him. I squinted my eyes, focusing on the paper. I'd seen it somewhere before but I couldn't put my finger on exactly when.

I was pulled out of my daze by the younger Male clearing his throat to me. My face heaed up and I realize he probably thought I was staring at his hands the whole time.

"Um," I mumbled not sure what to say. He typed some numbers into the box where he had also stored the others Male's papers.

"That'll be five-eighty-three," He said in a monotone voice, clearly not amused by my products.

"FIve-eighty-three what?" I had to ask, unsure of what was happening.

"Dollars," He looked at me like I was an Underscore. Was it that obvious?

"I don't have any Dollars." I spoke quietly, his gaze deathly.

"Then you can't buy these items." He turned back to the box, and pulled the food across the counter, so they'd be closer too him. I didn't even bother responding, asking what Dollars were or if there was anything else I could do, like at home. He just stopped listening, stopped paying attention to my existence.

The frustration and reality of the situation was finally hitting me. I couldn't stay here, I couldn't be one of their own. I'd always fuck up, and I'd always be an Underscore. I was standing on the outside looking in, watching everyone else and wishing that someday I could hopefully be like them. That would never happen though.

The station door slammed behind me, but I didn't flinch. There's worse things that could happen besides a loud noise.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket, scrolling through the contacts of the one person I never thought I'd see again.

Holding the phone up to my ear, I listen to the annoying rings as the call went through. I stared at my feet, slowly taking steps in a circle as I waited for him to pick up.

Finally, he did.

"Virginia?"