Trigger and Bullets

bullet 28 - harrowing touches (part 1)

In the dark you shine best

with all the souls around your vest

Drown these harrowing pasts

with truth from your mystic touch.

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Bullet twenty eight

I spent seventeen hours in the air---probably the longest air trip I ever had. The longer route was more desirable---kaysa ulitin ni Luisa ang ginawa niyang pagpapatululog sa akin, pinili ko na lamang ang sumakay sa pampasaherong eroplano at magchange-route sa bawat airport. Apat na ruta ang dinaanan namin bago nakalapag sa bansa.

Walang imik kong pinanood ang paligid mula sa saradong bintana ng isang itim na SUV na sumundo sa amin sa airport. I was jealous watching normalcy behind the heavily tinted and probably bullet proofed glass.  I was seeing girls like my age walking in groups, typical houses, malls, parks, bystanders. Mabilis ang takbo ng sasakyan kaya mabilis din lumipas ang mga imahe ng paligid.

Tahimik din, gaya ng normal niyang sarili, si Luisa habang nakatuon sa kabilang bintana. I liked to know what was going on her head. She really seemed so calm and boring all the time, maybe if we switch heads now I could rest from thinking at least.

May halong kaba ang sense of familiarity ang naramdaman ko nang nasisilip ko na ang ibang bahagi ng FDI Compound sa guhit-tagpuhan. I was back but I feel not the same. It felt like everyone were on their respective spots now. At kami ni Luisa ang naka-pwesto sa Compound. It felt like we were in a big chess board and were waiting for the assaultive moves of the unseen---we were waiting for the deadly game to begin. It felt like that.

Nilingon ko si Luisa nang maramdaman ko ang pagtitig niya nang makababa na kami sa patio ng gitnang gusali ng Compound.

"Magpahinga ka, Ms. fronda. Go back to school tomorrow and don't flunk Math. Lalagyan ko rin ng tracker ang sasakyan mo."

I nodded. "Anything else? Ms. Know-it-all?" I stretched my arms. Gadd, I missed my bed.

Humalukipkip siya, inasahan ko nang mahaba at tuloy-tuloy ang susunod kong maririning sa kanya. "Ipinagkatiwala sa akin ng iyong ina ang mga responsibilidad niya sa kompanya at alam mo na rin na ako ang inatasan ni Dana na tumayo bilang iyong guwardya. Ako rin ang sasalo sa responsibilidad ni Zeus na bantayan ang Compound habang hindi pa siya nakakabalik dito. Mag-isa ko lang at hindi pumayag si Dana na italaga sa iba ang iyong proteksyon. Sinabi niyang ikaw ang prioridad ko sa lahat ng aking tungkulin. I won't do sugar coating, the harsh reality is you are weak and a loophole. Dagdag pa, hindi ikaw ang puntirya ni Socrates ngunit mainam kang gamiting daan tungo kay Madam Fronda," aniya, walang preno at direkta.

Oh! In short ay isa akong pabigat sa kanya? I gritted my teeth. Naramdaman ko ang pag-init ng tenga ko sabay ng pagkalusaw ng nararamdaman kong pagod at antok. So I returned, "That makes the two of us, I don't do sugar coating too. I am not vulnerable as you think." Bile started forming as soon as my last words came out. Why did that last sentence feel so wrong on so many levels?

"Ang gusto ko lang ay huwag kang magiging pabigat. Tama na ang mga nakita kong kinilos mo upang maisip na magiging pabigat ka."