Trigger and Bullets

bullet 17 - bloodstained (part 2)

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Bullet seventeen

Then I stopped calling his name.

Dahan-dahang humina ang mga putok ng mga baril. Hindi tumila ang putukan—humina lamang ang tunog. It seemed like I was being slowly swallowed by a large bubble—leaving me half aware of the hell outside. Kapalit ng paghina ng ingay ng mga bala ay ang tunog ng puso. I heard a heart beating. This happened before, and it was clear now that it happens when I am the cause of that heartbeat to stop.

I remembered how I maneuvered the car I was driving that deadly curve. I remembered how the heartbeat of the child made me choose falling in the river. But Cole didn’t give me time to choose. He fvck’n didn’t. I knew and hated the fact that what I was hearing was not his life thuds but mine. I was inside this bubble, alive, holding a lifeless… friend. Ilang buwan ko na ba siya kilala? How dare he opt saving me! He was just new to my life and now he was gone.

Namatay na talaga lahat ng aking emosyon maliban sa pagsisisi. Even my cognitive capacity had stopped. Regret was suffocating me; I could feel it withering my heart bit by bit—beat by beat. Oh, how I wished it would kill me, if that’s what it takes to keep his heart beating! Cole could take my life… all of it. I will gladly take his place and give him no chance to refuse. He was lying here for my odds; I should have told him that life was unfair; it will seduce you to bet on odds that will never be in your favor.

Walang pitik ng buhay ang mararamdaman sa kanyang mga pulsuhan. His wrists felt cold on my fingers. Binitawan ko ang kanyang mga kamay at marahang inilagay sa kanyang mga tagiliran. Halos wala na akong makita dahil hindi na matigil ang pag-agos ng aking mga luha. This was a cry of regret, nararamdaman kong walang anumang emosyon sa aking mukha. I was like a stone… a crying stone. I intended to touch his chest, to feel his heart—for the last time, but whatshername said something that almost shattered the bubble.

“We’re dead. Ang magpinsan at ang sugatang babae nanonood lang,” isinatinig niya. Her voice was hushed. “Sampung magazine lang dala ko. Kung sinabi mo sanang susugod ka, nagdala ako ng isang karton. At asahan mo uubusin ko lahat ng bala… irereserba ko rin ang huling magazine sa ulo mo.” Sumandal siya sa nakatagilid na lamesa at nagpalit ng magazine ng baril. I wiped my tears.

 

No one should die for me. Even this b!tch-tongued girl beside me can’t die for me.

Rather putting my palm on Cole’s chest I seized the gun beside his body. Ito ang baril na ginamit niya kanina.

No one taught me to do it but I’d seen it in movies and read it on books. Ikinasa ko ang baril. Naramdaman ko ang mga mata ng aking guwardiya  sa akin. “I’ll save ample time of my lifetime to punish your mouth. So let’s get out of here alive,” I said. My voice sounded hushed, too… I was still inside the bubble.

 

“Mula ngayon ako na ang sandigan mo.” I heard Cole’s voice. Iyon lang ang malinaw kong naririnig… lahat na parang bulong lang.

“Ha ha! Em sorry for my bad mouth but you deserve it,” sarkastiko niyang sagot bago niya ikasa ang isang baril niya. “I’m just in-character. I’m holding two guns so I have to be a double badass.”