Trigger and Bullets

bullet 7 - resurface

Dear Sev,

Take your sadness and jot it on a page.

Yours truly,

Sev.

 

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Bullet seven

This moment made me realize two things. First, death on the horizon is not the end itself, it’s a query line. Would you let your feet step across the horizon or would you do brave thing to turn the wheels and continue fighting? Second, even if you had chosen to spin the wheels but your anchor was down you’d eventually die. There’s no more when your time is up.

Ang pangalawa ang mas makatotohanan ngunit may parte sa akin, maybe just my body, na gusto ilutang ang una. Sumuko na ang utak ko ngunit hindi ang katawan. Patunay nito ang mahigpit kong paghawak sa manibela, alas tres at alas nuwebe ang posisyon ng aking mga kamay at hinintay ang pagbagsak namin sa tubig. I was worried like hell about Dana but I didn’t have time to help her. Darn. I didn’t have time to help myself either. We were going to die… hard.

Bam!

The seatbelt was useless from the impact, my head still knocked the car’s ceiling but it wasn’t enough to make me unconscious. Or kill the life out of me. Bakit hindi pa ako nawalan ng malay sa lakas ng pagkakauntog ko? Parang sinipa ng sampung beses ang sakit ng ulo ko. Ugh! Hardheaded girls die slow—but eventually will die. The paranoia of waiting for death to arrive intensified as water began filling up the car from the open skylight.

The emergency balloon that bloated after the impact thwarted me to move even after unlocking my seatbelt. Holly freaking bloody shitty hell! Masyadong maraming airbag! Pati sa paanan ko may airbag! Nararamdaman ko na ang tubig na mabilis na umaakyat sa aking tuhod while I pushed and punched the airbag to no avail. I needed something sharp… Lumingalinga ako sa loob ng sasakyan. There was no time to go shopping for knives so I used what I had in me. I bit the balloon in front of me. Lumabas ang hangin kasabay ng pagdurugo ng aking gilagid. The water reached my waist as I pulled Dana and I began shaking as I took in what I was planning… I don’t know how to swim. I can’t freaking swim!

Nasa leeg ko na ang tubig and I gave up. Hindi ko dapat tinakasan ang mga swimming lessons ko noong bata ako, hindi ko naman alam na kakailanganin ko pala ang mga iyon.

Totoo na ito ngayon, kung hindi ako namatay sa kamay ng demonyong iyon sa tubig sigurado na akong wala na akong takas.  Hinawakan ko ang kamay ni Dana and twitched her fingers, hoping she’ll wake up. But she didn’t. I can’t even tell if she’s alive or not. Tears escaped from eyes as I digested the possibility.

I closed my eyes and imagined happy things. At least I wanted my mind to be happy before I give up my last breath. The faces of my Mom and Dad danced in my mind. Magkayakap silang dalawa na parang tunay na nagmamahalan. The scene changed, I saw my Dad and I doing boogie dance steps as my Mom clapped her hands. We were in pyjamas and bare foot.

I looked happy and complete.

If death is as sweet as this, let it be.