Remember When #featured #AllStars

Chapter 39

THE HARD WAY

I took a last look around my room, knowing it would never be the same again. Sure, my Water Lilies comforter would still be where I left it on my mattress, my furniture would remain in its rightful place. But the next time I would walk through that door, I'd just be a visitor.

I ran my fingers over the pictures around my mirror, taking in the images of my life from over the years. Yesterday, I was a little girl riding a bike; in a few short hours I'd be riding out the rest of my life.

Doesn't it just go by in a blink.

Dad had packed all my stuff into the car hours before: The movie posters I'd bought on my last day at Totally Videos, the bedding set I'd picked out with Lisa. The mini-fridge Bruce had gotten me at graduation, the computer from Dad, the bags upon bags of clothes, a box of my favorite books. I stood out in the driveway looking at all of it: My New Life, crammed into every spare inch of our family car.

Trip's truck pulled in just then, and he looked almost beaten as he got out and made his way toward me. No kiss hello, no hug. Just his hands jammed in his pockets as he offered a nod of his head and a formal "'Morning" at me.

In the old days, I would have freaked out by his lack of emotion, especially considering how we'd spent the previous night. But I knew that he was being standoffish purely out of self-preservation. What else could he be expected to do?

"Hey, uh," he started in, not quite sure what to say. "You, uh, you okay?" referring to my near-fatal hemorrhaging the night before.

Some of my embarrassment had left me by then. I mean, I'd come to the conclusion that if something like that was going to have to happen someday regardless, I'm glad it had happened with him instead of some random guy. "I'm fine. A little mortified, but I'll live."

"You know, that was a first for me, too."

I looked at him, ready to call him out for being a rotten liar when he clarified, "I've never been anyone's First before."

I forced a laugh and said, "Well, I can only imagine you never will be again after that horror show."

His eyes met mine then, the broken look on his face almost tearing my heart out, the sad, sad realization that our minutes together were numbered. After all the months of postponing the inevitable, there we were, left with mere seconds to spend with one another.

He came over to me, grabbed my hands in his and planted a sweet kiss on my lips. "No, probably not. But only because I can't imagine ever wanting to be with anyone else ever again."

My stomach wrenched, actually causing me physical pain. How could he say something like that to me? My heart was already shattering into a million pieces and I was already doing all I could not to break down in tears.

"Trip... don't."

Oh God, please don't say it. Please, please-

"I'm in love with you, Layla."

I dropped my head as the tears came rolling down my cheeks; despite my resolve, I was completely incapable of stopping them. You'd think that I would have been bursting at the seams with joy, finally hearing him say the words I could only dream about for the better part of an entire year. But I was too crushed to feel any sort of elation at his admission. And the truth was, I already knew how he felt.

"Trip. Stop!"

"No, Layla. I won't stop." He moved closer, cradling my head to his chest before continuing. "I know you're leaving and I would never try to keep you from going, and I guess I have my own path to follow as well. But don't ever ask me to stop loving you, because I can't. Don't ever think I'll be able to forget you, because I won't."