Remember When #featured #AllStars

Chapter 32

CLOSE MY EYES

We hit The Barrens later that night, Trip and I arriving together. That wasn't so out of the ordinary- we used to show up at places together all the time- but that night, we showed up holding hands. We were almost giddy all evening, the two of us giggling like a couple of idiots into each other's eyes all night. I can only imagine it was fairly sickening to watch.

The next day, I invited everyone over for a pool party, and Trip didn't miss too many opportunities to show a little PDA. We spent the day swimming, making out, getting tan, making out, barbequing some lunch and making out. I kept waiting for one of them to bust our chops about it- certainly at any moment, Rymer would yell at us to "get a room"- but no one said a word. I may have been overly optimistic and self-centered about the situation, but I sensed that my friends were actually happy for us. As far as I was concerned, we were just long overdue to finally be together, so maybe everyone else thought so too. Not that they didn't have their own lives going on or anything, but I definitely caught the vibe that everyone seemed to be silently rooting for us, the unspoken approval uplifting yet humbling at the same time.

Trip and I spent almost every waking moment of that summer together, most of the time wrapped up in each other's arms. I can't remember a more consistently blissful time of my life than during that season after graduation, all of us soaking up the last days of childhood together, trying to make time go by more slowly. No one spoke much about the fact that we were going to be off in different parts of the country in just a few short weeks.

Heather and Becca had both set their sights on south Jersey schools, Princeton and Rutgers respectively, and even Rymer had gotten into Bergen Community College, a two-year school just a twenty minute drive away.

But that was pretty much it for the Jersey co-eds.

Cooper was slated to leave us first, spending the month of August doing intern work at some law firm down near his university in Maryland, trying to get a jump on some credits before the school year even started. Sargento was headed for Susquehanna all the way out in the boonies of Pennsylvania and Pickford was readying for his cross-country trek to L.A.

Lisa and I were prepping for our move to the city, doing the entirety of our dorm shopping together. We figured it would be best to nail down a coordinating design scheme, knowing all our stuff would be reunited in our apartment the following year. She was practically manic with her spending, obsessing worse than me over buying anything and everything she thought she'd possibly ever need for New York. I kept reminding her that there was probably a store or two in the city where she could buy such vital items like wooden spoons. Or lightbulbs. Or soap.

Trip, however, in spite of his excellent GPA and stellar SAT scores, hadn't even applied to a single school. He was planning to take a full year off; indulging in a few lost weekends before concentrating on his MVP hockey team in the fall, then doing some intensive travelling in Europe and Africa. Then and only then would he think about looking into college, hoping to play hockey at some university upstate, or even out somewhere in Canada, or some other place very, very far away.

A part of me was pretty jealous that he was going to be bouncing around the globe all year while I was stuck inside some classroom. The other part of me was terrified for him at the thought of not having a plan in place. I couldn't believe that he was not only unfazed about not knowing where he'd be a year from then, but that he was actually excited about it. I knew that even if he had asked me to go with him- which he never would anyway- I'd be too much of a wimp to say yes.

But we didn't spend much time discussing the future anyway. We both knew we were on borrowed time, the ticking clock always hanging over us, knowing we were going to have to say goodbye. For the first time, I truly realized how Lisa and Pickford must have been feeling and understood why my friends were falling apart at the seams a little bit more each day.

Trip and I were great at playing the denial game, always living in the now, never discussing what our lives without each other would hold. It was impossible to think about our time together coming to an end, so I guess we always made a point to sidestep any questions about what was going to happen in the fall.

Two nights before Cooper was scheduled to skip town, however, Trip and I were sitting on my couch, snuggled up and watching Animal House. Out of nowhere, I started thinking about it, thinking about everyone leaving, about having to start a new life in New York, how I'd have to say goodbye to my friends, my family, my childhood, Trip... and my heart felt like it was being ripped apart. How was I ever going to let them go?

I blurted out, "Everything's changing."      

Trip squeezed me a little tighter, knowing full well what I was talking about, the boogeymanin our midst finally being acknowledged. But he didn't respond right away, so I continued. "Everyone's going away soon. It's like we're not going to be us after that, you know? We'll run into each other at homecoming games or reunions or bump into each other randomly in town, but we'll never be us ever again, will we?"

Trip's voice was calm, soothing beyond his eighteen years when he answered, "It's called growing up, Lay."

"I know, but God. It really sucks."

I looked at him and saw the line drawn between his brows and the dimple working in his cheek- the look he wore when he was really thinking hard about something. "Yeah, it does. Is it harder for you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you've known all these people your whole life. I've only known them a year and it's-" He swiped a hand through his hair before continuing. "-it's so much harder this time, even for me, to think about leaving. It's like, for all the cities I've lived in before, this is the first place that's ever felt like home to me. And I didn't even grow up here, with them, the way you have."

I put a hand to his face and said, "I've only known you for a year... Do you really think it's going to be any easier for me to say goodbye because I haven't known you as long?"

He held me tighter and kissed the top of my head. "Okay, point taken. C'mere." He slid down to lay on the couch, maneuvering me half on top of him.

We were silent for a moment, his hand moving in a caressing gesture along my back, trying to smooth our hurt away when he said, "You're right. This sucks."

I could feel him getting gloomy and realized this was why we never talked about it. I felt bad for bringing up our one, big, taboo subject and wished I could have stuffed the whole conversation back in my mouth.

"I'm sorry," I offered. "I'm sorry for even bringing it up. We still have a few weeks left and I don't want to spend them being sad, okay? Agreed?"

I turned to look up at him, just one split second before he was able to swipe the tear from his eye. Holy Jesus, I made him cry. My heart just about splintered in two when he tried to offer a wan smile to cover.

I felt helpless, guilty beyond belief for dragging him into my sorrow. I did the only thing I could think of, which was to grab him behind his neck and plant a kiss on him. Hard.

When I broke away, I realized I'd achieved my desired result, because Trip snapped out of his misery and looked at me like I was crazy. Well, at least he wasn't sad anymore. I'd managed to replace despair with confusion. At least confusion wasn't such a foreign emotion.

He sputtered out, "What the hell was that?"

I started laughing, trying to jolly us out of our sadness. "I don't know. Want me to do it again so you can figure it out?"

The old Trip was back, sounding like he was ordering another Coke when he replied, "Yes, please!"

So I kissed him again. I slid myself fully on top of him, pressing my mouth to his, licking him along the part in his lips until they opened for me. I wasn't normally the aggressor during our makeout sessions, but I could tell by the growing knot against my hip that Trip didn't seem to mind.

 *** Next chapter TOMORROW. ***

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