Something Happened

Chapter 15

Anyone who was involved in the fight-anyone who was bleeding on their way out-were banned from the bowling alley. Everyone left in the cars that they came in and I never got to say anything to Jamie, Damon, or Ethan before my mom dragged us out of the building. To say that she was pissed was an understatement but her confusion overrode her anger and she decided on giving all of us the silent treatment.

When we arrived home, mom didn't even go into the house. She simply and silently got into her car and drove off again. Jared and I sat on the couch, neither of us saying anything for a few minutes.

"It was him wasn't it?" Jared asks, looking over at me. I numbly nodded my head. Jared's jaw clenches.

"When?" Jared demands more than questions it.

"Around the end of the first trimester. It was Jennifer's 'End of Trimester' party. I think he roofied me. He seemed so nice at first. We went upstairs to talk and by the time I figured out what was happening, it was too late, I couldn't move. He told me he would be gentle and that he was sorry. When I woke up he had folded my clothes. Isn't that something? He folded my clothes after he raped me but he didn't even give me a blanket after he was done with me." Jared tries to say something else but I cut him off. It's like I've flipped a switch and now that I have stared I can't stop. I can't turn the switch back off.

"A few days later he came up to me and he told me that it was his dad's fault, that he was too hard on him, and he needed me to hurt as he did. He tried to talk to me again not too long after that. I yelled at him. Everyone talked about it for a while."

"Benny, he's so confused and I can't tell him. I can't tell anyone else. You already look at me as if I am wounded, as if I am something that will break and die with every wrong step. I don't want to be like that, Jared. I want to be strong and I want to be the girl I was before Derek," This time there are no tears. I will not cry. I refuse to cry. Jared turns to look at me and when he is sure that I am done ranting, he takes a deep breath as if to stabilize himself, then he talks.

"I don't think you understand, Estelle. I do not look at like you are weak, I look at you like you are my strong baby sister who got dealt a bad hand and could use some help getting back on her feet. I see my little sister who has been keeping this dark secret locked up inside of her and it's eating away at her every single day. I see you, Estelle. A sweet, stealthy, caring person who I love and adore."

"As for Benny and your other friends? I say tell them. Let them help you and understand you. From what I have seen in the past few days, they really love you. They are good people, Stella. I leave tomorrow and you won't be able to talk to me as much and I won't be here to dry your tears. It will make me feel better if you had someone who knows everything and who will be able to help you when I can't. So, please, for both of us, tell them." I take in every word Jared says. Then I nod and lay my head on his shoulder. The only sound in the whole house is our breaths and our heartbeats. We share no more words for the rest of the night for everything has already been said, everything is out there. Now we just sit here, and we think.

***

Having to say goodbye to my brother again has definitely put me in a bad mood. I didn't want to send him off to the army where everyone is trying to kill him and as selfish as it sounds, I didn't want him to leave me.

Mom never came back last night, nor did she come to see off Jared. I can't blame her. Watching your son go off into the same place where your husband had died can't be easy.

Hey, u ok? Wanna come over n' talk? Benny is coming...

- Damon

I weigh my options after reading the text message. I can sit here and watch tv and be depressed all by myself or I can go to Damon's and be depressed around a whole bunch of guys who will ask unwanted questions.

Hmm

Well, they do say it's better to be around other people when you are at your worst, plus Benny will be there...

***

"Estelle! You came!" Ethan yells when I knock on the door. All of the guys jump up and wave me in.

"We were just telling Benny about what happened last night," Damon tells me. I follow them into the kitchen and we sit at the dining table. Something about this felt like we shouldn't be lounging on the couch.

"Yeah, so what happened between your brother and Derek? What happened between you and Derek?" Benny asks, clearly, the guys didn't leave out any details. I think back to my brother's words. Should I tell them? Is now really the time?

I clear my throat and look down at my hands. My thumbs pick and twist around each other. "Uhm, Derek, he-he isn't really the greatest person, and so my brother doesn't like him and I guess he just snapped?"

"I feel like there is something more to the story. The way you acted towards him, the way you got so scared, I know there is something more. You can tell us," Jamie says. Benny, Ethan, and Damon all nodded simultaneously.

"Something happened between Derek and I. Uhm, well, he uhm, we were at the party, right, and he had slipped something into my drink and, well, he uhm, he raped me," getting the sentence out, to not only one person besides my brother but four people has proven to be another one of the hardest challenges I have ever faced.

The whole table is silent for several minutes before Benny breaks. It's like throwing a glass at a wall, everyone snaps their heads to see the commotion, but winces when they are a witness to the shattering.

"N-no, the party, I was there. I was there Estelle! I could have done something! I should have noticed something wasn't right!"

"There was nothing you could have done," I whisper.

"Bullshit, I am your best friend! I should have known. I should have known," Benny's voice dulls into a whisper.

"I'm going to fucking kill him," Damon says, standing up so forcefully, it knocks his chair over. The loud noise snaps something inside of me.

"You will not!" I yell back, slamming my hand down on the table. Everyone is shocked by my reaction, slowly, Damon picks back up his chair and sits back down. However, he is anything but calm. His fists clench into tight balls of anger and his jaw is clenched so hard I am surprised his teeth aren't cracking.

"I have decided to let go of this. I do not want the whole school knowing and I do not want everyone to look at me like am already dead," I tell them. Jamie looked down, I can see his gears turning within his mind.

"Do I remind you of him? Derek? I can see it in your face. You are scared of me yet you don't want to be, do you?" Jamie asks softly.

I tap the space next to my eyes, hoping he'd catch on so I wouldn't have to explain it.

"Estelle, you and Jamie have really similar eyes," Damon says, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I know."