Something Happened

Chapter 2

*Trigger Warning* This chapter includes details that may not be suitable for young or sensitive readers. The stars in the middle of the page signify the end of that scene.

Derek's hands had not been rough or demanding when he lifted me up and laid me on the bed, in fact, they were quite gentle. Maybe that's why when they turned rough, it was a foreign feeling that I couldn't comprehend.

"Derek?" I try to question him as his hands found their way to the end of my shirt and eventually finding their way underneath the fabric. My words come slurred and I can't recognize my own voice. I went to push his hands away but when I tried to lift my own, they wouldn't budge. It isn't until he lifts the fabric above my head that red flags and screeching sirens light my mind ablaze. The thoughts of Maybe this will end soon, maybe he will stop before it becomes too late quickly turns into This can't be happening. Not now. Not today. Not Derek.

"Shh, It will be okay. I promise I will be gentle," Derek's words mean nothing to me. He unbuttons my jeans and he rolls them down my legs. His hands skim back up my body and he unclasps my bra. Moving was no use, fighting was no use. My limbs were far too heavy and my head was far too fuzzy.

"Derek, no. Please, no," I beg him. I hope that my voice is clear enough that he gets the message. I am not ready. Either Derek doesn't understand me, or he doesn't care.

His hands place my bra on the floor and then they touch me in place that I have never been touched in before. I had kept thorns around the soft part of myself for so long that I forgot that they were able to even be touched. Those soft places had been protected because the soft skin was unable to protect itself. But tonight, I learned that even the sharpest of thorns can be clipped and concurred.

He doesn't stop. He removes the last piece of dignity that I had left. My panties drop to the floor. Then he removed his own clothes. At that moment I closed my eyes because even though my body was on display I didn't want to see his. I didn't want his body to be on display too, whether it was for my benefit or his, I don't know, all I know is that I can't move my own head, so I close my eyes.

It wasn't painful. I could feel it, but my body was too numb to feel anything but the lead that weighed my limbs down. I think of Jared.

"I wish you didn't have to go," I tell my brother. On Jared's eighteenth birthday, he had enlisted in the army. Several weeks later, and he was gone for good, or at least until he is too injured or has finished his service. I always begged him to stay, but he wanted to serve our country. He was a good person like that.

"I'm sorry Stella. I promise I will come back to you. Don't let people walk all over you when I'm gone, especially guys. If someone ever gets the chance to break your heart, just let them know that you have a big brother in the army. I love you, always."

That was a year ago, he hasn't kept his promise yet, but he hasn't broken it either. I'm sorry to disappoint, brother. I'm sorry I let him walk all over me. If I tell you he broke me, will you come and mend me?

At first, I thought that he was done, but when I risked a look, his sweaty face was close to mine and I saw his body moving on mine. I had memorized the details of his face in only seconds, not meaning to, wishing I wouldn't. At that moment, I also felt the soft blanket under me slightly rubbing against my skin as my body moved against it. After that, I also realized that Derek was close to silent except for little pants here and there. I knew it had to have only been minutes but the time seemed to have stretched on for hours. I never knew as much about a person as I do now. I don't know what bothers me more, that I don't know whether Derek kept his promise or if he had made it knowing I wouldn't know.

Eventually, I felt a weight being lifted off of my body, a weight I didn't know was there. There was a fleeting I'm sorry whispered into the dark, but I could have just imagined it. Then the tears ran down my face, and I was unable to wipe them away.

***

When I woke up, there was bright sunlight shining through the curtains and onto my face. My body felt tingly and my privates felt sore. When I looked down, I saw my naked and used body laying open for the world to see. There was blood on my thighs and I mentally apologized to Jennifer in case I got any on the bed. I heard that you normally bleed after your first time and I wonder if that was a normal amount or if Derek had broken his promise after all.

When I found the strength to pull myself out of the bed I saw that my clothes were folded neatly at the end of the bed. It left a sour taste in my mouth and a heavy feeling in my bones, especially since he had the patience to fold my clothes in the middle of the night but not cover my body after he had used it. I wonder if he felt regret. What would it mean if he did? What if he didn't?

I couldn't bring myself to put on my own clothes. They felt dirty as if they themselves had been the one to put me in this situation. I momentarily wonder if they did. Had they been too revealing? Did the flowing shirt ride just a little too high and droop just a little too low? Did it reveal the pink made of lace and hushed whispers beneath its surface? Did the skinny jeans show just a little too much shape? Did they show the fine lines of unmentionable necessities?

I wore sweatpants and a baggy shirt in the dresser that I had raided. I must be in Jennifer's parents' room. The clothes were too big to be Jennifer's so they must be her moms. I don't think she would mind.

I made my way downstairs to meet the eyes of Jennifer and Sadie. They were both sitting at the table, matching steaming cups of coffee sit in their hands. "Did everyone leave?" I ask, noticing the lack of teenage bodies.

"Yeah, you missed the fun. Whoever was still here when we woke up got leftover beer dumped over their head. We thought you would never wake up! Fun night?" Jennifer says, a smile playing on her chapped lips. Her smile holds a knowing form, but she couldn't know the whole story.

"I guess you could say that," I don't know when I decided to keep what happened in the dark locked away in the dark. A part of me knew I should tell someone, the other part knew I couldn't, knew I wouldn't. Jennifer and Sadie never asked me to elaborate, but I know that they would ask me when their curiousness about what I had done last night is all that remains of the party. I will figure something out soon, but for now, I will listen to their drunken stories so that I won't have to think about my own.