Love On the Brain (Corey Crawford)

18| See You Again

Corey

I've always been known for saying what's on my mind, talking has never been a problem for me. But listening, it's hard to do when you're the one that's always talking. But for once in my life I was surrounded by silence because the one person I wanted to talk to was gone, she wasn't in my life. It's been over a week and I haven't seen or heard from her. None of the guys in the organization had heard from her either. I feel like this problem goes deeper than what was said, I feel like this was worse because of some things we didn't say, starting with "I love you".

By now it was Christmas Eve and I wasn't sure what I was going to do anymore. I stopped calling because if I called one more time it would be considered harassment. And I haven't showed up at her door because if she doesn't want to see me than I have to respect that. But I did have a Christmas gift I wanted to give her so I was going to drop it off at her office so she can pick it up whenever she's ready. So I head up there and head to the corner office. I was going to leave the present by the door then head to the airport to catch my flight home for the holidays, but I see it was actually open for once. So I slowly walk down there and I see that she was sitting on her desk. Never behind it, I know she secretly hated that thing, but I thought it was cute when she sat on top of it. She looked so much taller than she actually was.

I swallow hard because I wasn't expecting her to be here, after she's avoided me for so long I thought maybe I would never see her again. But there she was, in all her beauty typing away on her laptop that sat in her lap. Finally I swallow the tears and I knock on the door.

"Come in" she says as she continues to work on her laptop.

"Are you sure about that" I ask and she stops. She slowly closes her laptop before finally looking up. Her big blue green eyes meet my brown ones and I felt like I was going to break down. Neither of us say anything for a few seconds as we look each other over. Finally she smiles and I smile back at her.

"Are you going to come in or keep staring at me like I'm a mall Santa who's beard just fell off in front of the kids" she teases and I laugh. I let myself in as walk over to where she was sitting.

"I just wanted to give you a Christmas present" I say as I hand it to her.

"That's very sweet of you Corey, you didn't have to get me anything" she claims.

"I got it a while ago and I think you would really like it so I figured I should still give it to you" I insist.

"Thank you" she says softly.

"So... how have you been" I ask and she laughs dryly.

"I've been better" she admits. "What about you" she wonders.

"It's kinda crazy, I've had to listen to myself talk for the first time in my life and it turns out that what I want isn't what I've been working for. All I wanted was a good mind and a reason to be happy... and I had it for a little and then I lost it" I say.

"I'm sorry for what happened between us... I was just really hurt" she starts.

"Why are you apologizing? You did nothing wrong" I remind her.

"I know. I just let my personal feelings get in the way of professional ones and the thought of you slipping through my fingers scared me, so I pushed you away instead and that wasn't right" she claims.

"Your personal feelings" I ask and she smirks at me.

"Don't change the subject" she says.

"I'm sorry. I just... I don't know what to say to make this better. Well, there's nothing I could really say to make this better" I admit.

"I'm sorry is a good place to start" she says.

"I'm sorry doesn't even begin to cover it. All I wanted was to make you happy, I wanted to be the reason you smiled and laughed and I wasn't. I made you cry and no matter what we are to each other I should have never done that. I should have never said those things that I didn't really mean. I was just scared and you were there to help me and all I did was push you away.

I need you in the worst ways, and not just as a life coach. I've never connected with anyone like this before then you came into my life and for the first time everything wasn't about me or my team. And with you gone I've been so lost. I need you" I whisper.

"We always look for happiness in all the wrong places. All these feelings you have, you've always been capable of them. But you've been looking in beer bottles and in other people for what you want, even though it was inside of you all along. And for once you've been with yourself and that's enough Corey. You want me but you don't need me, all you need is to be what your mind is telling you and you'll be great" she says.

"But I still want you" I say and she smiles. She grabs my hand and holds it tight. I squeeze her hand back and I get that feeling that I've been missing for the past week and a few days.

"I'm here for you" she says.

"For good" I ask.

"For good" she promises.

"Good, now open your gift" I say.

"What? It's not even Christmas" she reminds me.

"Well I'm supposed to be on my way home here pretty soon so I won't be able to be here to see you open it on Christmas. So we should probably hurry this thing up" I say and she shakes her head.

"Nice to know you still don't know time management" she teases.

"Well I wasn't planning on running into you so I was pretty far ahead of schedule for once. But I don't mind taking a later flight to be here with you longer" I admit.

She finally opens the gift and pulls out some Blackhawks stuff and season tickets. When she came on the circus trip she wanted to wear some Blackhawks stuff to the games but she didn't have any so I got her some. And I knew she enjoyed going to the games and before things went to shit I planned on her being around for a while so I got her season tickets so she could come to the games whenever she wanted.

Then at the bottom of the bag was a painting to put up on her wall that was like the other ones she had. I don't get what it is but she seemed to like them. It was all by the same company but they were all so different. But I thought she would like this one, it went well with her office.

"I figured you can put something up on your wall since our picture isn't up there" I tease as she admires the painting.

"The picture only goes up when my job is done. But until then this piece is lovely. Thank you so much" she says as she sets the painting down. She hops off the desk and into my arms as she pulls me into a hug. I close my eyes as I embrace her for the first time in what felt like forever.