Love On the Brain (Corey Crawford)

55| Runaway

Corey

The ups in the hockey world are always so high. I've won the cup twice so that was pretty amazing, it's always a thrill to win with your teammates. You put it all on the line for the guys as they have for you and it's always worth it in the end. Then you get to bring the cup home and show off to your hometown friends and family. The people who were always there for you get to see what you were able to do and everyone's so proud of you.

But sometimes the lows can be just as powerful as the highs. There's nothing like kicking a dead horse but sometimes hockey sure does feel like that. They tell you "it's alright, it's just one game", but playing hockey was just never a game to me. It's my life so throwing away a game because I was bad isn't possible, it's like throwing away a part of my life. And being off for even just a night can send you off the rails if you're not careful. Trust me, I know all about that.

After a rough game here at home towards the beginning for he season I take my shower and go get changed. I was so bad they didn't even ask for interviews so I knew it was time for me to go. So I drag my feet down the hallways and look for Jess so we can get out of here. But I don't see her there so I thought maybe she went home early because she couldn't watch the game anymore. I wish I had that option...

I get out to the parking lot and head to my car. Once I find it I see Jess standing there leaning against the car and I smile to myself. Although I was feeling pretty bad, seeing here made me feel pretty good. I walk over to her and she pops herself off the car once she sees me.

"What are you doing out here" I wonder.

"I figured you wouldn't want to talk much after the game so to make things a little easier I cut the middlemen and figured I would meet you out here so we don't get stuck talking to someone" she explains.

"I would really like to get as far away from here as possible as fast as possible" I admit.

"You want to run away" she asks.

"Pretty much" I agree.

"And what does that solve? Does that change the way the game went tonight? Does distance cure your mind from the things that happened to it here? Do you really think that ignoring a problem fixes anything" she questions and I sigh.

"No. But being here isn't making me feel any better about myself" I insist.

"This is your place Corey. This is your home away from home. In that building there's 22,000 people who believe in you whether they like it or not. You're this organizations past present and future. And you might not make it into the hall of fame or have your jersey retired. There might not be a statue of you out here or a day named after you once it's all said and done. But without you this place is nothing, just a one hit wonder who could have gone far if they had one more piece, and that piece is you.

I get you don't want to be here right now, for when you look at this place all you see is pain. But guess what, this is also the place where you feel most at home at. Out on the ice where you belong. So running away from here might lessen your pain at the moment, but then you'll remember all the good times you had in here too and you'll realize just how silly it is to say that this place is the cause of your pain" she explains.

"Maybe I just don't want to admit that I sucked ass tonight and would rather blame something else" I defend.

"And that makes you feel better? Not taking responsibility and blaming something else" she questions.

"Yes! I mean... no. I don't know" I sigh.

"Listen Corey, I'm not your life coach anymore. I'm saying this as your girlfriend who loves you and cares deeply about you.

You're not going to win every game you play in. And one bad game like tonight won't define you. Everyone in that place knows that you are one of the best goalies in the league every year. It's easy to go down that path where you tell yourself this happened to you because for some reason you deserve it. And I'm here to tell you that's not true. I'm still so proud of you because you're doing the best you can do and that will always be enough. You can count wins and losses but you can't count what I feel when I see you out there. I promise you that bad games are bad, but good guys like you can't be bad. You just can't" she assures me.

"Can I just have a hug" I ask and she smiles really big. Without a word she pulls me into her arms and I felt my frozen heart melt.

Hockey has made me very cold blooded, I'm not afraid to admit that. But I know that it'll drive me away from my friends and family if I let it go to far. Although I do have a pretty good way to stay positive now, she's the same reason I'm still here in the first place.

We drive on home and as soon as I get there I brush my teeth and go to bed. I lay there silently and try not to let my head go to places it shouldn't. And as soon as Jess joins me in bed all that crap flies out of my head. I get lost in her eyes as she softly caresses my face making sure I knew she got me.

"I love you so much Corey" she says softly and I couldn't help but smile. Hearing that really does mean the world to me.

"I love you too baby girl."