Love On the Brain (Corey Crawford)

45| We Are Love

Corey

With hockey starting back up next month my mind naturally starts to turn to that. I would start getting back to the ice and working on getting my timing back. The guys are starting to come back to Chicago and things were coming together.

And as I start to plan for the future I realize something important, that I was going to spend the rest of this year and all my other years living the same girl. I wanted to make sure she knew that this game we played called life, we're in it together and I was never going to let her go.

"You want to what" Jonny asks as I hang out in his apartment. He just got back into town and since Jess was at work I was bothering him until she was done.

"I think I'm going to propose to Jess before this year is over" I say again.

"Woah, that's big" he admits.

"It is. And we've never talked about it but it feels right. To be engaged to her before we start up next year. Our relationship is the strongest and sweetest thing we have. Why shouldn't I propose" I question.

"Because that's a huge commitment" he claims.

"I don't know a lot of things. I don't know if I'll be able to stay away from the things that had a hold on me for so long or if I can keep my head on straight. I don't think I'm worth her time or her mind a lot of the times. I don't know how long I'll play this game or how long I'll even be here.

But I do I know that I love that girl more than anything and that I want to spend my whole life with her. I know that I want to start a family and see her do good. I want to keep learning from her and learning about myself. No one makes me tick like she does and I know that if I don't have her with me I'm gonna lose everything.

When I thought she was leaving, that's the lowest I ever felt. I've been low before but that time I felt dark, I felt empty and hollow, it was awful. I knew in that moment I wanted to marry her and keep her by my side so I wouldn't ever have to worry about her leaving again. And after this summer it's more evident that this is something I want to do. I want to marry her" I insist.

"Damn. Honestly that's not what I thought you were gonna say when you asked to come over. I thought you were going to threaten me that if I tried anything with Jess during the life training you would kill me" he admits.

"I figured you already knew I would kill you if you did anything" I shrug and he laughs.

"I was afraid you were going to say that" he shakes his head.

"Don't worry. I know that if you ever do anything Lindsey will kill you before I ever could" I tease and he nods.

"You're not wrong" he admits.

Eventually I go back to Jess' apartment and wait for her to get done with work. She returns at about three and we agree to go for a walk like we usually do to get out of the house. So I grab Freddie and we head to the park to have some fun.

"Have you ever thought about marrying me" I randomly ask and Jess just smiles.

"I've thought about a lot of things" she claims and I shake my head. I can never get a straight answer with this one.

"And what do you think about us getting married" I wonder.

"I wouldn't be here right now if I didn't see us getting married one day. I know marriage isn't as big of a thing anymore for people are together forever and they're not married and people get married for months then separate, but to me it is a big deal. To have the type of love that I grew up watching means the world to me, and to be married to that person that will love me forever would be amazing.

When I worked with Will Smith he told me about how his first marriage failed and why it did. They got married simply because they could, as many couples do. Love has become this thing that people obtain and use that as a reason to get married, but that's not how love is supposed to go. You can love someone and not get married. Love is something that you are, you are love. And when a couple marries simply because they obtained love together it never lasts. Will loved his first wife but getting married wasn't something that should have came of that love, they realized that.

Then when Will found the girl that he's been married to for almost 20 years now because he knew that she was his love. That them getting married wasn't so they would be husband and wife but to signify their life and their love as one entity, instead of having a ring on their finger and calling it love" she explains.

"You think we have that type of connection" I wonder.

"I do. Our love didn't come when it was easy to love, through adversity our loved blossomed and now we have this beautiful life. And our life together is made of love, that's why I think that if we get married we would do good" she insists.

"You are so lucky I don't have a ring right now" I insist as she smiles over to me.

"Why do you want to get married" she wonders.

"I used to laugh at the thought of me getting married. At the thought of me having someone who won't give up on me because I fuck up a lot. I never thought I would find someone who shows me love like you do. Because you're right, love is it's own entity and in order for it to last we have to be love, not just have it. And I'm lucky because I have love in every form with you" I insist.

"Good answer" she smirks. "But I don't think we're ready for marriage quite yet" she admits.

"I don't either. But just because I propose doesn't mean we have to get married soon. It just means it's going to happen" I say.

"That is very true" she admits.

"Don't worry though, I don't have a ring or a plan or anything. I just wanted to know how you felt about the subject" I insist.

"I get it, it's a touchy subject. A lot of couples don't agree on marriage but that's also why a lot of them don't last" she shrugs.

"I'm not even worried about all that. I know we're going to make it through this life. I mean, look at what all we've been through already. I'm confident that we got this" I admit.