Parachute. (Phan)

Day 1 (Phil)

Phil was a happy person, usually. Well, at least that's how he presented himself. In his videos, he tried to be as cheerful as possible, but it's getting harder. He was diagnosed with major depressive disorder at the age of 12 when he moved for the first time. His mom, of course, tried her hardest to "fix" her beloved son no matter how many doctors reminded her carefully that this disorder wasn't curable, only treatable. He had been prescribed with antidepressants but they made him feel even worse and people noticed. The comments on the video after he had taken his first dose were those of "why is he talking so slow?" "is he okay?" "what happened to Phil??" Reading those comments made him feel like he had let his fans down, which was worse than not being on the medication. So he stopped taking them. Though he didn't tell his mom so he'd kept getting his refills sent in a package every two months along with a letter saying something along the lines of "One every morning! Don't forget to take them!! I love you! -Mum" He'd sigh and throw them in the box that held the rest of the probably expired medications.

He took a seat on his sofa looking at the unpacked boxes. He had moved three years ago but his flat didn't show it. Boxes were scattered everywhere still labeled and all. Some had been ripped open because of Phil's attempts to find some of the things he absolutely needed. If he could live without it, it was left in the box. He'd tell people that it was merely because he was going to move again soon into a better flat, but he knew deep down that it was because he didn't plan on being, anywhere, anytime soon. He'd attempted before but nothing came out of it but a worried mom and angry dad. His dad was much worse than his mom was but he wasn't terrible. He loved Phil a great deal but when Phil was diagnosed, his dad sort of shut him out. He hadn't believed that he could have made a mistake in his son. Thankfully Phil has made enough money from YouTube to move on his own. He didn't realize how bad it would be on his own. His thoughts got worse every day he was alive, slowly eating away at him.

He couldn't do it today though, he had to upload his new video "Why I Was a Weird Kid: Bloopers". He decided on the blooper reel because he couldn't bring himself to film yesterday or the day before that so he had to work with what he had, which wasn't much if he was honest. He pulled his laptop that was sitting next to him and placed it on his lap. Opening his editing software and pulling up the original video, Phil went to work. He had filmed a quick intro and outro the day before and carefully clipped them in, as well as outtakes and his tangents. It wasn't like his normal content but it would have to do. He looked at the time after he had finished and upon seeing it was 2:25 P.M., so he decided to upload it. With his social medias' open and messages typed carefully as soon as the video was uploaded, he hit send on all of them. Right after he got up from the couch he'd been in for the past 4 hours and poured some cereal and retreated back to the couch. Not before turning on the TV and putting on his current favorite anime. As he ate and watched he scrolled through his social media seeing all his mentions. People seemed to enjoy the new content and he was pleased with that, but one comment stuck out to him in particular. "He seems sad in the intro, does anyone else see the bandaid on his left wrist? Is he okay?" Phil immediately panicked opening his channel and clicking on his newest video. His intro did seem sad but he couldn't worry about that. He carefully watched his arms flailing about on the screen and there it was, for half a second, Phil's wrist was shown covered up by a flimsy bandage. Phil cursed at himself for not seeing it and quickly @ replied the fan that had sent it. "Not to worry! Just nicked myself on a houseplant!" He sent hoping it was believable and closed his phone, throwing it on the box in front of him. That was close. He doesn't want the internet to know about his depression. His fans are too young and impressionable. They worry too much as it is. He already has his family worrying about him and he doesn't need anyone else to.

He sighed digging into the now soggy cereal. Everything was boring him. Nothing sparked his interest anymore. Everything had been a black pit and he was falling into it with no parachute. He was going to do it soon, finally, fall. To end the pain he caused. He snapped out of his episode to a ding on his phone. It was a direct message from an old friend, Louise. He opened it.