Just Jack

Part One: Chapter Seven: Just A Footprint

Chapter Seven

Just A Footprint

     I want to open my eyes one morning and not see the white ceiling of the hospital but instead, the cream color of my bedroom. I want to get up and not feel like I have to eat, but want to. I want to smile when I see my sister, look at myself in the mirror and be happy. I want to wear clothes that don't feel too big on me. I want to sit with my family and eat breakfast and for once not count calories with every spoonful of cereal. I want to leave the house with a kiss from my mom, a hug from my sister and a thought of my father somewhere in my mind. I want to close the door behind me and look out to what is surely a beautiful world, inhale some fresh air and smile. Live. But for now, the hospitals ceiling is all I have to look at.

     For the first time since Gabe's passing, I wake up looking considerably forward to this day. It's a Saturday and even though there is a slight chance of rain, the sun is trying its best to push through the clouds, some of its warm rays managing to pierce through my window. They had told me yesterday before I went to sleep that we would be going on a trip, to where, I do not know. I only know that I am required to go and that all of the people on my floor will be attending. I am not worrying about this kind of social gathering. I mean, most of the people on my floor are in their seventies. They won't judge. They won't stare. They have their own problems to worry about.

     I slip on a white t-shirt and some grey skinny jeans. Its funny calling them skinny jeans when my legs are like twigs and the jeans are anything but tight. If anything they are baggy jeans but if I wore a normal pair I would look quite silly. In these, I look normal. Weight wise. Yet, I know when the wind blows against my t-shirt, people will be able to see the outline's of my ribs. To save myself those stares, I throw on a grey sweater with a print of an old 80's band on it.

      I cant imagine what my hair looks like so I run my hands through it, pulling it away from my face. I can hear the faint sounds of conversations in the hallway and I know people are already ready and waiting at the door. I'm running a bit late, so I skip breakfast. It wasn't really a hard choice to make but when you are under this much scrutiny and you're being watched this close, a decision like that is huge.

       I peer out from my door to the end of the hallway where about ten patients are waiting at the glass doors, looking out to the small minibus that has been hired. I can't help but remember my first field trip in school, the minibus waiting outside and the whole class looking out the window with wonder in our eyes. The old geezer's here are not so different from us after all. We all love the little things, a simple field trip can make such a difference.

     I quickly gather a few things into my rucksack. A bottle of water, biscuit-bar for some energy and a book that I have been reading. It was Gabe's, he never finished it- his bookmark is still somewhere near the end. So I thought I would finish it for him. I didn't expect to particularly like the old, worn book, nor did I except to fall in love with it. But what can I say, Gabe had good taste. I throw the book into the bag, pull the tightening strings and walk briskly to the excited crowd.

     I cannot help but feed of their excitement and soon I am smiling. Not smiling because I'm excited, I don't even know where we are going, but smiling because everyone else is. I realize that I am probably the only one here with all my original teeth. Everyone is elderly. But I expected it. In some way, I want it just to be the old folks. Sometimes they can be more understanding than anyone else my age.