Just Jack

Part One: Chapter Six: Just A Nurse

 A/N: I am really trying my best to send a message with my writing and JUST JACK is my latest effort with the message being associated with Anorexia. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, take the time to click that VOTE button and even if you don't read on, voting for the other chapters will help spread the message of this book. Thank you. 

Chapter Six

Just A Nurse

     We do it all the time, so much now that we don't even realize it. For us modern beings, its a reflex, a sixth sense. We judge before we know, and take the people we love for granted. We never stop to think about what others have been through or even how that person has impacted on our lives. How they have helped us. And as I lay in bed, watching a waterfall of rain slide down my window – the windows with iron bars- I cannot help but think of how much Gabe impacted on my life and, unfortunately, how much I took him for granted.

     The room has never been so quiet. The snores that I used to detest so much are the sounds that I now miss. I never really considered him a friend, more a person who was imprisoned in the same place as me. We got on because we were both undoubtedly crazy. I turn over to face his bed. His empty bed. Part of me expected to see him lying there, snoring, drool descending down his chin. All that's there now is a too finely made bed with too clean sheets.

     They say he died in his sleep which, I guess, is a pretty good way to go. He had no pain, no suffering. He just closed his eyes and that was that. If I had the chance to choose how I would want to go, in my sleep would probably be the way to go. I have never given much thought as to how I would eventually die. Sometime's I thought that one day I would simply fade away- become so skinny that I would just cease to exist. For some strange reason, a death like that appealed to me. And in some ways, it still does.

     I always imagined that I would die young. Trying to picture myself old is an image I cannot visualize. I always said that if one day I couldn't care for myself, if one day I had no dignity, then I would want to die. Thinking of such a time in the future, now seems silly. For all I know I could die in my sleep tonight too. Maybe I will just fade away. Maybe I will cease to exist. I relish the thought of it, but I am crudely awaken by the sound of a trolley being pushed toward me and the typical sigh from the small, plump nurse.

     She is standing with one hand on her hip and leaning slightly more on one leg. She is looking at Gabe's empty bed and shaking her head. Her facial expressions are hard to make out as I turned off the lights before crawling into bed. The only light is coming from the overly bright fluorescents in the hallway. The rain continues to hammer against the window. A storm is coming.

     To my surprise, the nurse sits on Gabe's bed and for a moment she just thinks to herself while looking at his pillow. She pats it a few times and smiles as if remembering something. He clearly made an impact on her. I suddenly think to myself that maybe I have judged her too soon. Maybe she actually does have a soul and isn't hell bent on destroying my life. Even the heartless nurse has emotions. She wipes away a tear. These tears I have yet to shed and I doubt I ever will- which thinking about, kind of scares me. It's not like Gabe was some random stranger to me. We shared laughs, conversations and when I couldn't bring myself to eat, he would do it for me.

     The nurse crosses her legs and clears her throat, smiling to herself stupidly as if embarrassed that she had gotten upset. I sit up in my bed, and only do I then realize that I am still in the same clothes that I had put on yesterday before going outside. Before coming back to this empty room. I hadn't even bothered to undress. I run my hands through my messy hair, feeling how oily it has become. I stretch over to the bedside lamp and switch it on, casting a bright, illuminating light over our faces. I wince for a moment as my eyes adjust and I become aware of a pounding headache. The only sound is the oncoming storm outside.